HELP! My Life Is a Mess. I Need Balance!

‘Oh If I Only I Could Find ‘Balance‘ – I Would Not Be So Crazy and My Life So Un-manageable’

We hear a lot of talk about “balance” in the meeting rooms and it id good to know that achieving “balance” in life is certainly a Big Book supported idea. In fact, there is exactly one strong and definite reference to achieving ‘balance’ in one’s life mentioned by the co-authtors of “Alcoholics Anonymous” – we might as well know what it is, right?

Whatever ‘balance’ means to you, by the end of this article you will know exactly what balance is in “Alcoholics Anonymous”.

You will know exactly how to achieve that balance and have it and that can happen before you lay your head down on your pillow this evening. I shit you not. So let’s get right to it shall, we?

“Balance.” What a nice idea. We seem to crave it when it’s not around and do not even notice it when it is. At times when everything is going “our way” – then we seem to believe we have things “in balance”. We may even thank God for it. “You God! Thanks for FINALLY listening to ME. I’ll call you in the morning to give you your new marching orders for Thursday.”

Yet let some event, situation or person DARE to violate our “plan’ for how things should be and we get all riled up with resentment – we then say our lives must not “be balanced”. We start look looking to re-balance our lives to get things back to the way we want it. We get pissed off at people at works – do we must be working too much. We get pissed off at other people in our social or community activities so we not be “balancing” family/ friends/ community /work properly. Yet in those rare moments when no one is actually ‘bothering’ us, we feel that these activities are all in the right proportions. Whether they are or not – we ‘feel good’ do things must ‘be’ good.

Does the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” talk about balance. Yes it does. Does it say that we ought to have it? Yes it does. Does it tell us how. Absolutely!

Unfortunately it is not the kind of balance many of us hope for when we cry “I NEED MORE BALANCE”.

To the co-authors of “Alcoholics Anonymous” ‘balance’ meant this:

“At the very beginning, the couple ought to frankly face the fact that each will have to yield here and there if the family is going to play an effective part in the new life. Father will necessarily spend much time with other alcoholics, but this activity should be balanced.” (131:2)

Now here’s further bad news, it doesn’t mean “lots of meetings” the “necessarily” and the “much” time he will spend they use the word ’will’ obviously because the assume he is following the directions in the book. -

They are suggesting community involvement OUTSIDE of working with other alcoholics. To them it is “Working with Others” them was something which might need to be balanced. But if the alcoholic is not sponsoring anyone – not working with others – there is no mention of balancing anything damned thing . They are not talking about balancing job and littler league, family and bowling night, they are talking about balancing TWELVE STEP WORK with the restore your life.

Most people want to take that “much time with other alcoholics” top mean meetings They have GOT to be shitting us! One or two hours a day in a folding chair in a church basement is “much time”? Oh brother! That is what you think you need to be balanced HOLY SHIT! When we work with others we give them a hell of a lot more time that that! They have no freakin’ idea – do they?

So now you know what balance means in AA and how to get it. Whatever it meant to you before and whatever it means to anyone else is another matter altogether and not an AA discussion topic. Or shouldn’t be anyway, unless you like going to those Open Disgusting meetings that have been turned into buck an hour, group therapy, circle jerks for un-recovered alcoholics and those who never intend to recover.

Everyone is entitled to have their own definitions and usage of words. I am sure you still be able to balance your checkbook, balance your social calendar and or exercise on a balance beam if that’s you r bag. Whatever “balance” means in the lives of unruly undisciplined ex-drinkers running around like headless Thompson gunners with no Program and no recovery – what matter to me is what the c0-authors of “Alcoholics Anonymous“ had to say about it.

So if all we are supposed to balance is our “working with others” activities, then isn’t there something we should be doing to balance everything else?

No.

The best way for this alcoholic to achieve “Balance” was to STOP TRYING. When I did – and instead put my trust in God and not my ability to maintain “balance” – balance came. Ironic huh?

If aspects of my life are suffering from foolish decisions, poor time management, fear, worry and being overworked, subject to “Bedevilments” and my best quip to a newcomer is “I didn’t drink today, so I’m a winner” do I REALLY think that he should want what I have? He’d be a fool.

Recovered alcoholics do not have to live this way. We have a better way.

Ironically, the only times my life has ever gotten imbalanced was when I tried to balance it. Prior to recovering, I often found myself restless, irritable and discontent, suffering from untreated alcoholism, in AA. What I learned, the hard way, is that things like “Double up on your meetings?” (To feel better) is not a treatment for alcoholism. It’s not a treatment for anything.

Just being dry does not overcoming negative feelings or being overwhelmed either – because as an alcoholic, when I stop drinking I do NOT get better. I get worse.

What they were telling me was to put my life in the hands of “Human aid” – instead of God aid. It took a loving, and experienced Big Book Thumper – who came along and showed my that I had no Program – no matter how many meetings I was going to – if I was a real alcoholic then I was beyond human aid, and a hundred meetings a week would not carry me.

At that time the need for balance in my life was the indicator that something was wrong.

Or should I say “cry” for balance, because isn’t what we do?

Everything I read in my Big book talks about my life coming into order, without me doing a balancing act. As an alcoholic who has lived a rather undisciplined life, I am told that what works is to instead let God discipline me – and I get the Eleventh Step Promises which are less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.

I become much more efficient. I do not tire so easily because I am not burning up energy foolishly as I did when I was trying to arrange life to suit myself.

Isn’t that what I mean, when I say I need balance? Am I not saying that I want to arrange life to suit me?

Why struggle through life, when I have a new Director, and new Employer. I am the agent, He is the Principle, he is the Father and I am his child? If you are a Twelve Stepper, hopefully that has been helpful to you – and if you are not a Twelve Stepper hopefully this has helped you want to become one because maybe you see what has been missing in your life. Get what has been missing and balance it in. You will not regret it and neither will be the folks whose lives you help save.

Balance my life? Me? Yeah . . . and monkeys might fly out of my butt.

Peace,

Danny S

The Never Ending Story

Is it OK to take years to make amends? I don’t mean amends that honestly cannot be made, but current, known harms which need to be corrected (as opposed to apologized for) today, tonight or this week.

There is always a possibility that an amends which could not be made due to the “harming others” factor – but how often does that really happen? And knows if it ever will?

No one. If someone puts off making an uncomfortable amends TODAY, one that CAN be made if only it would, and that person is still suffering from untreated alcoholism, un-manageability, unrealized 9th step promises (Unfinished amends) yet, that they have “done the steps” when in fact they haven’t – those folks can and ARE poor examples of recovery. They may not advertise that they still have unfinished amends, but they tell roomfuls of people and newcomers that they have done the work – when in fact they have not.

One look at their deportment, how they react to the stresses of the world around them and move about in the Fellowship can be a very sad walking billboard for recovery. Who would want it?

There are plenty of us out here who relapse because they were not willing to make an amends for a harm. We don’t want to buy the airplane tickets, we don’t want to pay for the gas, we don’t want to “harm” our fragile finances by entering into a “payment schedule” we’ve decided we cannot afford for lack of faith in God. In other words, we still will “dodge” old creditors”. (And maybe newer ones too)

We drink. But before that, we suffer in un-manageability, perhaps for a very long time. All because we were not willing to do whatever is necessary to straighten out the past and become of “maximum service to God and the people about us.” (77:0)

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com