The Lost Mind

I have lost my mind. It happened almost ten years ago and I have never gotten it back. I am not looking for it either and I hope it never finds me. Don’t feel sorry. It wasn’t original equipment anyway and I have another one I was given at birth.

Iwill say that the one I lost did cost me a fortune – but it really was getting too expensive to maintain and I am really not sorry it’s gone. I’m better off without it.

Most people cannot afford to lose their minds – but my mind? I could not afford to keep it. Mine was the mind of an alcoholic, un-recovered – still suffering – self centered and full of unchecked ego-based fear.

Before coming to AA this insanity kept me chugging that sauce and after coming to AA it kept my knuckles whiter than the ghost of a frightened albino polar bear. Either way, drinking . . not drinking, it didn’t matter. I was still alcohol-crazy and it was only a matter of time before the next first-drink came along and I would be struck shit-faced – whether I wanted to be or not. This is a fact and characteristic trait of the real alcoholic that seems to escape the modern brain mechanics of medicine today.

If you don’t think there is such a thing as being Struck Drunk, boy do YOU not know much about us real alcoholics.

If we alkies are to “Think the drink through” we either forget to do it – or if we remember and actually attempt to do so, we all come the same conclusive ending – which is,

“IT WASN’T SO BAD LAST TIME – THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT“

and it’s down the hatch!

To be continued . . .

Drowning Men and Women

Hey remember when “Just don’t drink” was something you could do at will, when drinking just wasn’t a good idea? Me too.

Remember when you used to toss a few stiff ones down the gullet – get a little buzzed and then call it a night because you had to get up for work or school the next day – or just needed to be alert for an important meeting or function?

I remember that.

How about making a decision to get shit-faced – like on New Years Eve or a wedding — or to drown a stubborn sorrow – conjure up some courage – help stuff a trauma or even just the hell of it?

Remember that?

Then we could just sleep it off, and pick up our lives again in a day or two.

Yeah. I remember that.

But then at some point all that changed didn’t it?

Damn! We went a little overboard didn’t we? Isn’t it too bad that we didn’t know that physically we were different – that we were “Potential alcoholics”? Then we could have stopped while we still had the chance.

After years of drinking successfully for the effect I enjoyed, as all drinking men and women are apt to do, I just crossed a line. All willpower practically disappeared. Then later on whenever I pulled up a drinking memory – I would use it to gauge how to “Do it right this time” or to justify the idea that, Last time wasn’t so bad, so this time won’t be either”.

People who chant “Keep it green” or “Remember the last drink” just don’t seem to understand alcoholism much – do they?

The “I’m not drinking today” folks who seem to have that “Plug” in their back pockets ready to pull out whenever they need to cork up a jug – whose motivation might be “I Don’t want to go back out there” or “I have too much too loose” – are different than me. Plugging up that jug is something non-alcoholic “abusers” are able to do. I know. I used to be one. There was a time when “Just say no” was an option.

Sadly those “Jug pluggers” are also giving this type of advice in AA meetings.

This type of defense against the first drink is picked up and used successfully by the hoards of other non-alcoholic meeting-goers, the hard drinkers – and that is wonderful – but what are these people doing in AA meetings anyway – if they have such power over alcohol? I’m just sayin‘!

For the real alcoholic newcomer who comes in and hears that – what a let down!

(See: Killing Alkies – One Drunk At A TIme)

We say, “I don’t want to go back out there” and the insane mind says, “TOUGH SHIT!”

It is for these newcomers that I go to meetings – not to “Get what I need” or “Hear what I need to hear“- my “needs” are filled through Gods grace and guidance. (Morning meditation and prayer, awakenings of the educational variety, intuitive thoughts and inspiration He sends my way through my day and through others in fellowshipping with those on the same path)

Meetings aren’t supposed to self-centered. They are supposed to be “Help” centered - helping the newcomer.

I go to a meeting to find THAT GUY – that real alkie who comes and does NOT identify with most of what he hears about alcoholism because it just is not his experience. The war story with which he might be familiar seem to bring a certain small comfort — it may even bring him back for another meeting. It may even keep him “Coming back” for a while. But it never lasts – not for the real alcoholic. It lasted two years in my case.

I try to grab that new guy before someone else does. I get him outside and tell him what I know about alcoholism from my own experience – supported by the first forty three pages of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and see if that gets him – deep down, like it gets me. If it does- I tell him I will sponsor him through the Twelve Steps. Sometimes the middle-of-the-roaders steal him back and he dies – but trying is important to me.

Sorry to say, but for me the bulk of benefit from AA meetings comes before and after the meeting – not during – God help us!

Here’s what the co-authors thought about “MEMORIES” as a hedge against the next first-drink:

” The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.” (24:2)

My wife (“Saint Nancy”) – who is not one of us, got plastered ONCE. ONCE!

It was her Sweet Sixteenth birthday party. (And I gave her the stuff) She also got horribly sick from it. The morning after she said, “I’ll never do THAT again!”

Guess what?

YOU GOT IT!

She’s not one of us.

“Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.” (43:3)

Peace,

Danny S

"Credentials" – Who are the REAL DEAL People?

Many Treatment center staffers give big lip service to our Big Books Twelve Step Program – but how many of them are speaking from an experience they HAD? I have to wonder. Many “Addictions Counselors” rewrite the steps (Usually only the first three) a mold them into new forms and formats – you know . . . Xeroxed “Handouts” that can be used in group sessions and such – supplemented with Internet materials from all sources except the Big Book.

Anyone with experience with the actual Program can look at those materials and weep. They are garbage – not even resembling the Big Book experience and directions. They are interpretations, reinterpretations and downright perversions.

I worked at a place called Gosnold here on the POD. (See link) It’s pretty much all there is on the POD and as far as treatment facilities go, Gosnold is a big fish in small but overcrowded pond. Since most of the AA Program in the Big Book invalidates their “treatment” methods most Treatment Centers are always on the lookout for anyone who is familiar with the Big Book so they can prevent them from speaking to their clients on “incoming speaking commitments” or even worse – getting “On-staff”. Our types are very bad for business.

It took them all of two weeks to figure out that I was “One of those” (“Those” typically have more experience in successfully helping others to recover than the treatment centers do) - and of course I got canned.
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Here is a guy employed at a twenty eight day treatment facility – telling people about AAs Twelve Steps – and literally knows NOTHING about them.
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While at this facility I read one of the senior counselors handouts on Step One. It was unrecognizable as Step One.Three quarters of it was an opinion about Step Two! I was shocked! It was absolute crap that he had written himself.

So now here is a guy, employed at a twenty eight day treatment facility – telling people about AAs Twelve Steps – and he literally knows NOTHING about them – thinks he does – and has convinced others that he does, simply because he’s been sober and licensed for so many years. And there’s no one to check on him because THEY DON’T KNOW EITHER!

I can’ think of a worse tragedy in that deal.

And these serviced are not cheap. Facilities like this charge ten to thirty thousand dollars for a single stint.

Many “clients” finance these charges on credit cards and secure loans by putting liens on their houses or relatives homes. Distraught relatives are often forced by “Love” to withdraw bucks out of their retirement funds in order to come up with the dough.

How sad is this – and Gosnold is not an isolated case. These are people (Not only staffers at Gosnold but at treatment facilities all over the country) who individually kill more people each year, on their own, than Charles Manson ever did. Manson only killed nine people on two occaiisions.

These counselors are in DIRECT contact with perhaps a dozen “Clients” each month. Every day that they are in contact with a real alcoholic is another “occassion” fro them.

I realize that I do have a penchant for hyperbole – but not now – not when I make that statement. It is THAT BAD. These folks are often lauded for their work, receive weekly paychecks for it, and are known to bask in their own “Charity” for working for such low wages considering all they “Good” they do.

The good news about treatment centers is that many clients DO have a problem with alcohol and drugs but CAN probably stop without the “Real Deal” anyway – if only they will – and can learn some good Rehab “tricks“.

Perhaps you have heard some of the tricks: Having a plan, keeping in a structured environment, (“I need structure”) staying away from “Slippery places”, sharing their problems at meetings, going to lots of meetings (Sometimes three or four a day – what a life huh?) The centers teach them that stuff. But pity the real alcoholic that falls into their domain for whom the only solution is a spiritual awakening.

Professional Jealousy against “We” who actually try and often succeed in carry the message to the alcoholic is rampant. The “Johnny Come Latelies“* - and that’s what the treatment industry is – are doing all they can to discredit AA. I get press releases every day about non-spiritual and “non-twelve step” approaches to alcoholism and AA is getting a huge bashing in these efforts and in the press. Don’t think this isn’t all intentional.

“There’s money in them thar hills!”

There are always exceptions. And in that respect there are some GOOD TREATMENT CENTERS. But there are a HELL of allot of bad ones. There are some exceptional counselors out there. They operate under the radar of their employers for as long as they can. Some wind up in private practice. God bless them. They must take a lot of heat! Their jobs are exceeding more difficult than the well-meaning but misinformed, middle-of-the-road based solutions “Addictons counselor“ who hangs a certificate, collect a salary and lies by telling people that he is “Pro AA” but “a drug is a drug is a drug”, and and unwittingly put alcoholics into the dirt. Hbe is not “Pro AA” – he is “Pro-meetings” and “meetings” ain’t the AA Program. The Twelve Steps are.

WHAT GALL
If you want to really get sick to your stomach then have a look at this news article Headline.

You will freak. Are there REALLY people out there calling themselves “AA Counselors“?

Peace,

Danny S

* “Alcoholics Anonymous” (1939) was written and it’s Step were being practiced at a time when doctors were routinely committing our type of alcoholics – the hopeless variety – to asylums to “Solve” the problem. Some solve.

Help ME Help Me!

(How many Doctors besides Bob give their opinions about alcoholism in the Big Book? Email me at ready2stop4ever@dannyschwarzhoff.net and you’ll receive the answer. You may be surprised)

In the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” there is never any mention of an alcoholic recovering by helping themselves – by putting his own sobriety FIRST or by proceeding in the Fellowship as if “This is a selfish program”.

The exact opposite is true.

There are two main types of “Help” that I can find in the Big Book. There is “Help” that we GIVE – and then there is “Help” we receive. Some help we receive comes does come from others while we are still un-recovered alkies. Other alcoholics can show us how we are able to receive God’s help – but then of course there is Gods help.

The book tells us we CANNOT help ourselves. If we could then we wouldn’t have been POWERLESS and there would be no need to seek help from Him. We could simply attend AA meetings, “share” our troubles to lighten our emotional and mental loads – and then put the plug in the jug. That might be fine for hard drinking alcohol abusers – but real alcoholics? Let’s see.

Prior to recovering, when we were still suffering, we had to accept the help from another human being only is-far-as that other alcoholic could bring us to God by laying the spiritual tools at our feet. That much is true. His ability to help us was “the power to help others” – a God given power. We are directed to help others – not only the alcoholic but his family and specifically his spouse, never avoiding this responsibility. NEVER!

“Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery.” (97:1)

There’s “Help” in matters of life and then there’s “Help” in preventing the next first-drink – the one that sets in motion the terrible cycle ONLY experienced by real alcoholics. For the latter – there is only God.

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Tell me – are doctors today honest with themselves about alcoholics? Of course they are. Tomorrow I will not only prove it – but also show you how it is possible for monkeys to fly out of my butt!
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“Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.” (43:3)

Even in prayer when asking for God’s help in specific matters – other than that next first-drink – we do ask for God’s help – but not selfishly.

“We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped” “Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.” (69:2) (So much for us trying to get the cable TV bill paid or a winning scratch ticket through our own petitioning – if you get my drift). “We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them.” (69:2) (Sex ideals)

“Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s.” (62:2) This is not good news for those of us who insist upon “working on my character defects“.

(“I WILL be self-less! I WILL be selfless!”)

“Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!” (59:0)

On page 43 we hear from Dr. Percy Polik a staff doctor at “Belleview Hospital Center” on First Avenue in NYC.

“What you say about the general hopelessness of the average alcoholic’s plight is, in my opinion, correct. As to two of you men, whose stories I have heard, there is no doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from divine help. Had you offered yourselves as patients at this hospital, I would not have taken you, if I had been able to avoid it. People like you are too heartbreaking. Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the spiritual approach in such cases as yours. For most cases, there is virtually no other solution.” (43:2)

Then on page 27, the co-authors relate the experience and comments from Dr. Carl Jung – as given to Rowland Hazard,

“Some of our alcoholic readers may think they can do without spiritual help. Let us tell you the rest of the conversation our friend had with his doctor. The doctor said: “You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you.” Our friend felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, “Is there no exception?” “Yes,” replied the doctor, “there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. “

Once again, ultimately spiritual help – not helping ourselves or help from others – is the solution.

Let’s keep going:

“If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.” (25:3)

Dr. Silkworth: “Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal: “Doctor, I cannot go on like this! I have everything to live for! I must stop, but I cannot! You must help me!” Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy.” (The Doctors Opinion)

Tell me – are doctors today honest with themselves about alcoholics? Of course they are – AND tomorrow I will prove it and also show you how it is possible for monkeys to fly out of my butt!

There is more – but this is enough now to say without doubt that the “This is a selfish Program“ or a “Self-Help” program MYTH IS BUSTED!

It is “HELP OTHERS” Program of action.

Peace,

Danny S

(And you thought there was only ONE Doctor’s Opinion in the Big Book!)

A Seething Caldron of Debate

Imagine a lust – emanating from deep down in the solar plexus of the human physique — so powerful that it is beyond the mental control of even some of the most powerfully willful human beings on the face of the earth – people whose exemplary use of extreme self-will and mental self-sufficiency were the rule of their lives – yet these were overpowered and torn to unusable shreds and like gravity there is just no escape by any human measure known to man?

Sounds pretty evil – doesn’t it?

We are not talking about a chocolate ice cream here folks – the appetence for which, once satisfied – ends the ordeal. We are not even talking about heroin – the hideous drug from which once in the throws of withdrawal – a wracked addict gets his new “Fix” - his “Jones” is satisfied — and he’s “Good”.

You may be disappointed to know that I don’t mean to include White Castles in this description either. Sorry.

We are talking about something else entirely. Something that can be very difficult to understand for the average heavy drinker, alcohol abuser, drug addict or even Murder Burger fanatic – unless they also happen to be alcoholic.

We are talking about craving for ALCOHOL (ETOH) - phenomenon that doesn’t even occur until ETOH is FIRST introduced into the body and from which once detoxed, the sufferer cannot even crave anymore – until he once again drinks.

Weird huh?

Here’s a good question:

“In order for an alcoholic to be an alcoholic of the type described by the co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous and for whom the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous was formed, must there be an actual allergy to alcohol?”

(We are putting the mental component aside for the moment)

“We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker.” (1)

“This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity.” (1)

“Suggested“? — “May be”? — The idea that the phenomenon of craving is a scientifically endorsed “Allergy” doesn’t sound very solid does it?

And it’s not – and Dr. Silkworth goes one step further to acknowledge the possibility of his erring in characterizing the phenomenon he discovered as incorrect when he says, “This immediately precipitates us into a seething cauldron of debate. Much has been written pro and con, but among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed.” (1)

He admits that “Allergy” his “Suggestion” which “May be” is certainly not an ironclad medical fact. He admits that it is DEBATABLE. The observation of the phenomenon is not in question, but use of the word “allergy” is. So what.

What IS solid is the doctor’s observation of the phenomenon itself, whether it be an allergy or not.

Even the co-author’s commentary on the good doctors “Suggested” use of the word “Allergy” was not bought one hundred percent. They say, “ The doctor’s theory that we have an allergy to alcohol interests us. As laymen, our opinion as to its soundness may, of course, mean little. But as ex-problem drinkers, we can say that his explanation makes good sense. It explains many things for which we cannot otherwise account.” (1)

The lowdown on this is that they are telling us,

“HEY. We don’t know what the hell it is. Maybe it’s some kind of allergy or something. All we know is that is exists and it only exists in people like us who are different”.

They are also telling us that, “In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.” (1) Tell that to your “Addictions Counselor” on your next run through the Rehab Mill. He won’t know what the fuck you are talking about.

Whether or not I use the word allergy is really not important. I don’t let unbelievers get me all bogged down in the semantics of this – it gives them too much fodder with which to discredit AAs “Description of the alcoholic”. What I also DON’T allow is someone to tell me that without experiencing the phenomenon of craving – that someone still ought to qualify for my sponsorship. Friendship? Yes, of course! Sponsorship? Absolutely not!

AA is full of folks who can’t stop once they start – BUT CAN “Not start” if they need to be sober for a spell – say for an important meeting, class, job interview – or just so wifey, hubby, Judge Blackrobe or yes even Sponsor Pete and Home Group is pleased. Hell he can stay away from a drink long enough to make an AA meeting and get a medallion!

These people may experience a physical craving for ETOH and this is a serious problem for them. But they are not powerless over alcohol if they are able to just “Put the plug in the jug” and that solves it for them. Once realizing they cannot stop once they start all they need do is NOT START! You know . . . “just don’t pickup the first drink and then I can’t get drunk”. I am the type of drinker however who can not only stop once I start – but I can’t even NOT START!

There are real alcoholics of MY TYPE out there who need help and to waste time with these other types can mean the death of a true sufferer. Maybe if I were running some sort of Treatment-Rehab facility with a staff of holy men on board I could afford to take them all in and sort them out later – but I am only one man. (Excuse me, I must take a break now – until my laughter subsides. The picture of that is too hysterical.)

Ok, I’m back. Pheeew!

Anyway . . . It is the physical craving – (“Suggested” as an allergy) which is present in ALL alcoholics and maybe even some non-alcoholics, which Dr. Silkworth AND the co-authors insist is part and parcel to the “Description of the alcoholic” they exact for us.

Whether anyone wants to call it “ALLERGY” or not is immaterial. They SAY it is immaterial – as long as we acknowledge some sort of phenomenon.

Call it CacaPooPooPeePee Syndrome if you like it doesn’t matter – but we do acknowledge that, “We know that while the alcoholic keeps away from drink, as he may do for months or years, he reacts much like other men. We are equally positive that once he takes alcohol whatever into his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop” (22:4)

So if you are offended by my use of the word allergy, then you may feel better in knowing that I am a real alcoholic and I have suffered from a malady which is a mental obsession combined with CacaPooPooPeePee Syndrome. Feel better now?

But this article would not be complete without giving something to all of us who DO like to refer to the physical craving as an “ALLERGY”. Take heart fellow allergic, for what follows are the definitions of “allergy” from Merriam Webster’s dictionary.

First let’s look at one definition, the one everyone like since it’s likely to be the only one to which they have been exposed: (from Merriam-Webster )

First let’s look at one definition, the one everyone like since it’s likely to be the only one to which they have been exposed: (from Merriam-Webster )

1 : altered bodily reactivity (as hypersensitivity) to an antigen in response to a first exposure

Ahh but “Allergy” is not limited to this single description. Now try this definition – just as valid – on for size:

2 : exaggerated or pathological immunological reaction (as by sneezing, difficult breathing, itching, or skin rashes) to substances, situations, or physical states that are without comparable effect on the average individual.

THIS is the definition which applies to alcoholism – not the first – but ignorance the second definition is no excuse for passing around false information, is it? The most popular “definition” – the one to which most of us have limited our knowledge is NOT what we are talking about when we talk about alcoholic allergy. If can expand our knowledge base to include the WHOLE definition of “allergy” and not keep it only to our own limited experience – ANYONE can understand why all alcoholics ARE allergic to alcohol.

When an alcohol allergic person has so much as one drop of alcohol, they experience an exaggerated or pathological reaction to the alcohol that are without comparable effect on the average individual. It is estimated that only ten to fifteen percent of the world’s population are afflicted – which perhaps is why you have never been exposed to the whole definition of “allergy” – it just does not apply to most people.

But just because of that – no one should don’t rule out how we real alcoholics react to ETOH. The exaggerated or pathological reaction manifests itself as a phenomenon of craving. Craving is not a reaction which the average individual experiences when they ingest alcohol.

This happens ONLY to alcohol allergic people. Can you see how what we don’t know – and claim to know – can harm others?

So take heart – both “allergy” folks and “physical craving” folks. If the word “Allergy” is pissing people off – then don’t use the word. Screw it! It matters little as long we acknowledge the physical craving that other temperate drinkers – non-alcoholics – do not experience.

Here’s an article that may be of interest to you if you care to learn more. If not just click away to other regions of the Internet.

Do Drugs Make Your Ass Big?

Peace,

Danny S

PS The answer to the first question at the beginning of this article should be apparent if you’ve read it. It is YES.

(1) the Doctors Opinion, “Alcoholics Anonymous”

The Final Word On Celebrities and Rehabs

Man by the Dumpster Joey Diaz

Busting the “Recovering Alcoholic" Myth – Part I

Let’s see if we can bust a myth – one that we hear over and over and over.

“No one ever recovers from alcoholism. Recovery is a lifelong process”

First let’s give credit where it’s due. True, most people will NEVER recover from alcoholism.

Most people will also never recover from smallpox.

You know why? Because most people will never HAVE either of those illnesses. No one has ever recovered from a disease they did not actually HAVE!

While there isn’t a great population of folks running around telling everyone that they have smallpox – there IS an abundance of folks running around claiming to have alcoholism, when the don’t. Where? Right in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous – that’s where.

If you ask anyone of these folks to give AAs “Description of the alcoholic” - they CAN’T. Have NO IDEA! No one ever showed them what it is. Some may go so far as to say they are “Powerless” over alcohol, yet still be unable to describe just exactly what Powerless means. It is pretty pathetic. They may tell you what THEIR description of the alcoholic is, and call that good enough – but AAs description? – Not a clue!

Yet they will attend meetings which read what is called “How it works” which in paraphrasing the first Two Steps, says:

“Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:

(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.” (60:2)

Read the first five words. AA DOES have a “description of the alcoholic” don’t they?

Many folks can read the “chapter to the agnostic” the “personal adventures” but will SKIP ENTIRELY the part of the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” which clearly details “Our description of the alcoholic”.

Why is that?

Because if they knew what AAs description of the alcoholic is, they would be forced to see something that they just could not bear to see. At best they might see that they still do not know whether or not they are real alcoholics – and at worst they might find they do not fit the description AT ALL – that they are IN THE WRONG PLACE! Folks ten, twenty thirty years or more availing themselves to the benefits of AA membership without actually qualifying for that membership would have to admit they may have been wrong all these years in calling themselves “Alcoholic”. What a blow to the ego THAT would be. Who is man or woman enough to make that admission?

They will embrace ANY OTHER DESCRIPTION from whoever has one, that does not interfere with their comfort zone in fellowship. Dr. Phil’s, Oprah’s, their family doctors, Their OWN, their families but fit the actual description laid out by the founders of the Fellowship to which they claim membership? NO. NOT THAT!

So certain ideas, ideas experienced and proffered by the co-founders MUST be neatly avoided. That includes the phrase “Our description of the alcoholic” and the notion a person who fits THEIR description can and do recover from it. They may never recover from THEIR description, but AA claims to remedy for any other description other than the one of which they describe.

Part II later – Busting the “Recovering” Myth
WHAT IS “OUR DRESCRIPTION of the alcoholic?”

Peace,

Danny S

What Is Your Sobriety Shelf Life?

CAMARADERIE NEVER KEPT ME FROM A DRINK FOR LONG! It did for two years – but two years is not permanent FREEDOM from alcohol. For many of us the shelf life of meeting induced sobriety is much shorter – some longer.

Nearly all of the people who came into my original Home Group at the same time I did are now dead.

I am the last alkie standing.

The rest are MIA. (See the numbers here: NECRORECOVEY)

We all knew each other. All of us fast became friends, hooking up with each other and other “drunks” in the group. We had lots of fellowship with each other that was very cool. We went “on commitments” with the group, took group jobs and we shared extramural coffee talks with old timers and each other on a regular basis. We went fishing and to the beach together. We all enjoyed camaraderie we never had while we were still out there “doing our thing”.

Those who did not – are now with the worms, under the dirt – and their families have had to put their short stays on earth behind them.

None of that kept any of us from relapsing – including me – except I lived through it an managed to come back, pick up the spiritual tools, and RECOVER. Thosde who did not – are now with the worms, under the dirt – and their families have had to put their short stays on earth behind them. It did not have to be. But it is how it is.

The Twelve Steps are designed to free the individual through spiritual awakening – not to enslave him to a fellowship that “Just doesn’t drink”. When folks, especially those sober for a while – come to AA meetings to “Become a part of” so that “Together we can do it” or “So I can get MY LIFE BACK” they are circumventing the sole purpose of the AA group – recreating a NEW purpose which was never intended by the co-founders.

Our how about these sick sons of bitches, who say, “I come to meetings to see what happens to people who don’t come to meetings”?

“Sobriety–the freedom from alcohol–through the teaching and practice of the twelve steps is the sole purpose of an A.A. group.” Bill W

Groups that are doing others things BEFORE this – having picnics, taking collections for hurricane victims, offering round robin “share” meetings called “open discussion” – for members to dump their problems, etc – usually find themselves putting these well intentioned activities ahead of the SOLE PURPOSE of the group and why they are supposed to be there in the first place. The justification is always that these things are of benefit to the newcomers. But that is THEIR OPINION. These things do not treat alcoholism.

Of what good is it for a newcomer to “feel like I belong” or to gain “friends I never had before” or to have “a place to go” instead of bar if he is not learning how we got back to God so God could remove the obsession to drink forever?

“The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.” (17:2)

Peace,

Danny S

Just Off The Sauce

This article originally appeared 8/16/05

What would I tell someone just off the sauce?

Get yourself a copy of “Alcoholics Anonymous” and read the first 43 pages, which is designed to help you make a determination whether or not AA is for you. In other words, “Are you REALLY an alcoholic?”

You may not be. In fact the chances are good you are NOT. (Only roughly 10% of the world population actually is.) If you are, its like winning the lottery with odds like that . (Because we have a solution.)

Unless I had LEARNED to answer that question – it was impossible to know if I was “In the right place” – AA members say they don’t like to proclaim individuals as alcoholic (Those don’t betray their own precepts that is.) — so I had to do it myself. Luckily the book showed me how, just as it was designed to do.

Then when YOU decide that you are “One of us”, or if there is anything you don’t understand about how to make that determination, tomorrow go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and get a sponsor who has experience in taking others through the 12 steps and identifies him/herself as someone who has has recovered.

If someone says they are still “recovering” politely pass, and keep looking till you find someone for whom the Program has actually worked.

Disregard how “Nice” or “Knowledgeable” the “Still recovering” person seems. “Still recovering” is the same as “Unrecovered“. If you want to be that person’s friend, fine – but do not permit yourself to fall under their sponsorship – unless they have recovered from alcoholism. “Not drinking” today does not count. YOU may NEVER drink again and this persons method to stop may KILL you – as earnest and nice as they seem,and as well as their method seems to be working for them.

Your sponsor will refer to him/herself as “RECOVERED”

He’ll know EXACTLY what to do with you from there, and you can trust that without reservation. WARNING: These knowledgeable people can be a chore to find – even in AA meetings, unfortunately. But don’t give up – show up as a student and the teacher will show up.

Do not let anyone sponsor you whose solution is “don’t drink and go to meetings”, or “Just don’t drink” or “One day at a time”. These concepts are not part of our Program, but they are rampant never the less. If that is their solution, and it works for them, it may KILL you, if you are a real alcoholic as described in those first 43 pages.

If you determine from that book that you are a “Real alcoholic” then that kind of advice does not work. Never has, no matter what they tell you.

If anyone tells you “Aren’t ready to take the steps” RUN! If anyone tells you they did it slowly, therefore so can you RUN! They may not be “one of us”.

If anyone tells you that you ARE an alcoholic, just because you showed up. RUN! We don’t like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic. YOU must ascertain it yourself, by those 43 pages.

Take the 12 steps as fast as you possibly can. It is a race. You must recover before the next first drink comes along, and don’t let anyone tell you that THEY know when that is for you. You do not have to be prey to arrogance.

And then after you have worked the Program in the book, and the desire to drink has left, (That’s a promise that it will), then you will be in a position to go find another alcoholic to work with as your sponsor has done and pass it on to another in the position you are in now.

Soon you will be free from alcohol, sponsoring others and joining us in the trenches. Your life will have become usefully happy and whole.

You could be recovered and enjoying the life by summer. Now THAT’S simple.

What would I tell a drug addict?
Nothing. Although I’ve abused a lot of drugs, especially cocaine, I don’t know a thing about recovering from drug addiction — because I have NEVER DONE IT.

I put the drugs down on my own willpower and didn’t need any help with it. Over alcohol I was powerless and had to find a new power. I found it through the AA Fellowship which deliver the 12 Steps to me. When I picked it up, I recovered. That “It” is God.

Good Luck,

Peace,

Danny S

"Keep it Green" Offers False Hope

If my memory and the memories of other alcoholics spouting from podiums the horrific dramas of their of the past were an adequate defense against the next first- drink, then for what reason then would I have to turn to God for help?

“Keep it green” is a message of a false hope to all un-recovered alcoholics. It implies that recall of the past can somehow keep a real alcoholic from the next first-drink now careening toward him from the future at a frightening speed (If it were known). Well, it may keep a hard drinker from getting hammered. It may help someone “having a problem” with alcoholc from it – but as one of my Texican buddies Chris likes to point out “The Big Book says I am not going to remember my own scary stories, let alone yours”.

Chris well conveys the idea straight out of the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous”,

“We are unable, at certain times, to bring into
our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.” (24:1)

Keeping it Green can be worthy pastime, in some respects – say to sharpen one’s twelve stepping skills (The Big Book does propose a time “Identification stories” are used – and it’s NOT in meetings). But as a defense against alcohol it is mostly worthless and a dangerous proposition — one that when fostered upon the unsuspecting and unlearned as a defense against the next first-drink fails miserably — IF he is a real alcoholic.

Only real alcoholics experience the mental blank spots we characterize as “obsession” – as “insanity” – as a peculiar mental twist that precedes the first drink that sets off the physical craving. Only real alcoholics.

“If a sufficiently strong reason – ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor – becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.” (21:0)

These types don’t need AA. They need to stop drinking. AA is for people who CAN’T stop drinking!

There is not need to berate or denigrate those in the rooms who use “human aid” like meetings, fellowship and slogans to stay sober. Most of them won’t be around long anyway. It takes an average five years for most problem drinkers to figure out that they had power over alcoholic all along and leave the fellowship. But I really get a little shook up when, during their tour, they sink the boats some of our own by insisting that how THEY stay sober is somehow also suited to the real alcoholic.

It isn’t.

Hell, I know people who have been attending meetings for decades who don’t even KNOW that there IS such a thing as a “Real alcoholic”. They probably haven’t read our Book too carefully. But heck, they probably don’t really need to.

SEE: (Fear Sobers a Bit)

Peace,

Danny S