Group Stagnation
I was “conversing” with one of my friends down in Queensland, Australia involved in the Fellowship and we went back and forth with some ideas on growing a Primary Purpose Group once the group has been going a while (It’s spreading!) and some of the hurdles we encounter along the way.
Since I just got back from FOTS in Boston to find that out little cave on the Peninsula of Doom needs some TLC due to the high winds while I was gone; I thought I would take a day off and just share that communication with you – since this would apply to ANY group, not just a “Primary Purpose” format group. I’ll be trying to put the house back together most of today.
***********************************************************************************
Sorry for the delayed response. I just have LOTS of stuff to do – but you have been
on my mind. I am finally sitting down to offer a reply. Don’t know if I’ll be on target or not but maybe look at the focus of your group activities. Is it to study the Big Book (just one part of helping alcoholics) or is it the whole kit and caboodle of “Primary Purpose”.
Even groups that gather solely to study yet have less trench activity than they should, might want to incorporate more Twelve Stepping for individuals into their “system”.
Maybe that’s your situation. I think it’s common. One day a year or two ago I was feeling like crap for several days and didn’t know why. I called Cliff B in Dallas up and told him about it.
He said, “When was the last time you sat down with a new guy to do the work?”
“I just heard a fifth step two weeks ago, Cliff . . . . and I have an appointment to start with a new prospect this coming Monday.“ I said.
“Beyond that no one has asked me to sponsor them”
“Two weeks? SHAME ON YOU!“ Cliff said. He then sent me down to the Salvation Army in Hyannis to do some prospecting.
I found a guy right away, we took the first three steps that afternoon. I went to sleep that night as emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy as could be.
Why can’t a similar ennui afflict an entire AA group – and why can’t the solution for ANY such malaise be the same for all as it is for one person ? I am certain it can be.
Isn’t our solution as common to each of us and is our problem? A group is a collection of individual members is it not? Might not the overall health of a group and it’s growth or lack thereof be a direct reflection of the spiritual condition and growth factor – only in the aggregate?
How many of your members are right now, actively sponsoring another alcoholic through the steps? I don’t mean taking him to the study – I mean taking him to God!
How many are sitting around waiting for two or three guys to “finish writing 4th steps” and not doing shit otherwise? Going around on speaking commitments or passing out flyers, yada yada – to “Plug” the group and then waiting to see who shows up rarely works in my experience.
What works is one member out there working one-on-one with another alcoholic and dragging that cat in from the cold alley.
If each member would be attending OTHER meetings looking for prospects AND they are spiritually fit, I believe that God will send puking desperate alcoholics to them. And of course ethos new prospects will also be brought into the study IN ADDITION to taking the steps with heir new sponsor/members.
Groups that isolate can become ill – much like a house that remains sealed during cold and flu season. Open up the windows and let some air an light in to reduce infections!
Fresh blood will come into a group one drunk at a time. No ads to buy. No flyers to handout. Just the results of one drunk talking to another – not two or three talking to fifty.
Get your members off their asses and out in to he field where they belong. Then when they come back on study night, just listen to the buzz in that room! And maybe, MAYBE a new face or two brought in to find his truth and the solution.
Going through this and STILL no growth – after an extended periods of time – then that’s His will before ours, sorry.
Keep your noses in the Book but get your asses out in the field! Don’t make me come down there!
Of course you can always just hold raffles and AA picnics – maybe even serve hotdogs and pizza on meeting night. Lots of middle-of-road- solutions based groups think that’s a good way to raise attendance. But I think it might be more efficient to just hand out the guns.
Peace,
Danny S
http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com/
Group Stagnation
I was “conversing” with one of my friends down in Queensland, Australia involved in the Fellowship and we went back and forth with some ideas on growing a Primary Purpose Group once the group has been going a while (It’s spreading!) and some of the hurdles we encounter along the way.
Since I just got back from FOTS in Boston to find that out little cave on the Peninsula of Doom needs some TLC due to the high winds while I was gone; I thought I would take a day off and just share that communication with you – since this would apply to ANY group, not just a “Primary Purpose” format group. I’ll be trying to put the house back together most of today.
***********************************************************************************
Sorry for the delayed response. I just have LOTS of stuff to do – but you have been on my mind. I am finally sitting down to offer a reply. Don’t know if I’ll be on target or not but maybe look at the focus of your group activities. Is it to study the Big Book (just one part of helping alcoholics) or is it the whole kit and caboodle of “Primary Purpose”.
Even groups that gather solely to study yet have less trench activity than they should, might want to incorporate more Twelve Stepping for individuals into their “system”.
Maybe that’s your situation. I think it’s common. One day a year or two ago I was feeling like crap for several days and didn’t know why. I called Cliff B in Dallas up and told him about it.
He said, “When was the last time you sat down with a new guy to do the work?”
“I just heard a fifth step two weeks ago, Cliff . . . . and I have an appointment to start with a new prospect this coming Monday.“ I said.
“Beyond that no one has asked me to sponsor them”
“Two weeks? SHAME ON YOU!“ Cliff said. He then sent me down to the Salvation Army in Hyannis to do some prospecting.
I found a guy right away, we took the first three steps that afternoon. I went to sleep that night as emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy as could be.
Why can’t a similar ennui afflict an entire AA group – and why can’t the solution for ANY such malaise be the same for all as it is for one person ? I am certain it can be.
Isn’t our solution as common to each of us and is our problem? A group is a collection of individual members is it not? Might not the overall health of a group and it’s growth or lack thereof be a direct reflection of the spiritual condition and growth factor – only in the aggregate?
How many of your members are right now, actively sponsoring another alcoholic through the steps? I don’t mean taking him to the study – I mean taking him to God!
How many are sitting around waiting for two or three guys to “finish writing 4th steps” and not doing shit otherwise? Going around on speaking commitments or passing out flyers, yada yada – to “Plug” the group and then waiting to see who shows up rarely works in my experience.
What works is one member out there working one-on-one with another alcoholic and dragging that cat in from the cold alley.
If each member would be attending OTHER meetings looking for prospects AND they are spiritually fit, I believe that God will send puking desperate alcoholics to them. And of course ethos new prospects will also be brought into the study IN ADDITION to taking the steps with heir new sponsor/members.
Groups that isolate can become ill – much like a house that remains sealed during cold and flu season. Open up the windows and let some air an light in to reduce infections!
Fresh blood will come into a group one drunk at a time. No ads to buy. No flyers to handout. Just the results of one drunk talking to another – not two or three talking to fifty.
Get your members off their asses and out in to he field where they belong. Then when they come back on study night, just listen to the buzz in that room! And maybe, MAYBE a new face or two brought in to find his truth and the solution.
Going through this and STILL no growth – after an extended periods of time – then that’s His will before ours, sorry.
Keep your noses in the Book but get your asses out in the field! Don’t make me come down there!
Of course you can always just hold raffles and AA picnics – maybe even serve hotdogs and pizza on meeting night. Lots of middle-of-road- solutions based groups think that’s a good way to raise attendance. But I think it might be more efficient to just hand out the guns.
Peace,
Danny S
http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com/
Bill W VIDEO on Traditions "Obedience to Spiritual Principles"
“A Lesson of an Incredible Experience” — “The Group must survive or the individual will not.” (Bill W)
So THAT’S how I go that idea! Now what about experience? Without experience we can easily become Bill-bots. HMMM. . . . . I’m thinking. I’m thinking.
Have you ever wondered what Bill W was like in AA meetings? No he didn’t hold young newcomer “Chickies” at his sides – popping LSD tabs, bragging about how he “STARTED” AA while Lois stayed home whimpering in her bed. Now you can see and hear him as he holds a table meeting and talks about our Traditions. Sit back. Listen. Learn. More to come during the week. This is the real deal. ENJOY!
This is part II – (See Part I)
More to come.
Peace,
Danny S
Bill W VIDEO on Traditions I – "Menacing Forces"
Have you ever wondered what Bill W was like in AA meetings? No he didn’t hold young newcomer “Chickies” at his sides – popping LSD tabs, bragging about how he “STARTED” AA while Lois stayed home whimpering in her bed. Now you can see and hear him as he holds a table meeting and talks about our Traditions. Sit back. Listen. Learn. More to come during the week. This is the real deal. ENJOY!
Tradition One
Our A.A. experience has taught us that:
One – “Each member of Alcoholics Anonymous is but a small part of a great whole. A.A. must continue to live or most of us will surely die. Hence our common welfare comes first. But individual welfare follows close afterward.”
In addition to taking the steps, we are told to
This is PART I – Part II is HERE
join a group, get involved and participate in the Fellowship. But we don’t really know why at first, do we?
The truth that without a group we cannot recover, is not immediately apparent to many of us when we first become AA members. For some of us it may NEVER be understood and therefor appreciated. “I can get sober as long as I have God” is a familiar cry – and for many there is no doubt that this is absolutely true – but the temptation for social analysis is great.
It is unfortunate that sociology fails to explain how complete anarchy does not pull us apart, given our structure. What such analysis cannot reckon is the inherent gratitude for new life that every drunk who has escaped death shares, and the new Power which flows and guides such individuals.
I believe it is in great part recognition that unity of many germinates a spirituality of collective individuals. The profound principal behind “Whenever two or more are gathered in my name” become operative. Our group conscience after all serves the purpose of letting God enter to express Himself. This has guided us. What
should be anarchy, does not emerge.
A quiet human voice of many, rather than the single personality of one seems to have a Power within it to deflate individual egos. Individual deflation being necessary to become healthy and to recover, the similarly deflated AA group is able to speak truth for all its members as no individual can on his/her own.
While we have no monopoly of recovery through divine means, if we are to recover through God vis a vi Alcoholics Anonymous then it is through individual commitment to an AA group that we participate in the process. It’s why we call this a WE Fellowship with a Program that continues to foster the “WE” of our individual recovery.
It is getting away from ourselves and moving toward others that is a measure of ego deflation the group provides.
More video of Bill and the Traditions later in the week.
Peace,
Danny S
* This article was written several years ago. I don’t know what I meant by this statement. I think I may have been paraphrasing Bill W, but I am not sure – but I am sure it made sense to me last the time. Please see the comments to this article below for more on this. In the meantime I rescind the remark until I figure out what was meant. Thanks. Danny S
Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?
Danny is a born and bred New Yorker, (1957) who grew up in “da Bronx”, New York City and has lived most of his life in the borough of Queens. He now lives on Cape Cod in Massachusetts with his wife Nancy and their two children, Danny Jr. and Kristen.
The Schwarzhoffs are a complete family unit enjoying emotional, mental and physical health and a harmonious lifestyle free from harmful stress. Both children are Honor Roll students in their schools, are socially active and well balanced in all areas of their lives. In July, 2011 the Schwarzhoffs celebrated their thirty second wedding anniversary.
He writes. He plays guitar. Danny was born May 7, 1957. His parents divorced when he was five and he is the product of an alcoholic family life visa vi his mother’s live-in boyfriend who was an alcoholic.Danny himself is an alcoholic. He refers to himself as a “Recovered alcoholic” – no longer suffering from the malady. He got sober for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober since.He owns several popular and enduring blogs about alcoholism, meditation, recovery and the Twelve Step based solutions to life’s problems. For eight years standing, both Google and Yahoo have rated Danny as the number one, top rated “Recovered Alcoholic”.
He calls himself a “Real Live Recovered Alcoholic”; no longer suffering from the malady. Danny stopped drinking for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober ever since. He has over thirty years experience with a special form of non-religious, spiritual meditation that he teaches and writes about in tandem with his unique style of carrying the Twelve Step message of recovery that emphasizes this unique meditation technique. He claim it is the missing link in Twelve Step Recovery and has devoted his life to delivering it to the world, beginning with the alcoholic.
Danny was first exposed to the meditation technique he prescribes when he was about five years old. It happened following a traumatic experience with his mother’s violent, alcoholic live-in boyfriend. In order to deal with the humiliation and resentment he experienced at the hands of this man Danny stumbled upon the technique – which he later recognized as meditation – in order to protect himself from the harms caused by that painful traumatic experience. He was able to dislocate his emotions much in the same way that the circus contortionist might dislocate a shoulder. Miraculously, when the experience was over he realized that he no longer hated the man for beating him.
Armed with his secret ‘gimmick’, life could never be quite the same. Then in his teen years he discontinued the mystic ‘dislocation’ practice and descended into the perverse world of active alcoholism, suffering mental and physical dysfunction for nearly two decades. Then in 1999 during a “white light” spiritual experience everything changed and he was able once again to ‘meditate’. He has never needed to look back. He continues to apply this method in all areas of life and has continued to enjoy mental, emotional and physical well-being as well as spiritual healthfulness. Now he teaches the technique to others principally through working with alcoholics who are attempting to go through the Twelve Step Recovery process.
Not only has Danny fully recovered from alcoholism and substance abuse but through this technique integrated into the Twelve Step process he has been able to overcome major depression, anxiety, smoking, onset type II diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, sugar addiction, colitis, hemorrhoids, and even erectile dysfunction. His doctors have un-prescribed virtually all of the prescriptions he has been given in the past decade including Lipitor, TriCore, and ADD medications like Adderall as well as the antidepressant drugs Effexor, Welbutrin and Lexapro.
He first began writing in the mid 70s when he landed a job as publicist and advertising director for a Bronx produce company. He wrote advertising copy and press releases for the company and directed all of their marketing and promotion until 1982. After several years as a Lobbyist in Washing DC serving the United Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Association he left to start his own weekly tabloid newspaper where he was Editor-in Chief of “The Fruit & Vegetable Reporter.” He wrote most of the tabloids feature stories and much of the news copy. Danny has published articles in Grapevine, AA’s magazine for Alcoholics, and also in the Barnstable Patriot on Cape Cod.
The late 80s and 90s brought Danny to Wall Street in New York City when he became a stockbroker. One of his firms became the subject of the movie “Boiler Room” – a factoid which fuels much of his storytelling on the subject of alcoholism, spiritual dysfunction and substance abuse in the workplace. In the late 90s he moved to Cape Cod where he began writing, working with alcoholics, and breeding thoroughbred racing pigeons. He also began working for several rehab centers aiding addiction counselors with rehabilitating alcoholics and drug addicts.
Today Danny give regular public talks on alcoholism and recovery. He has conducted Twelve Step workshops at recovery conferences in Boston, New York and in Denmark as well as at Dartmouth College (UMASS).
Although frequently consulted by treatment facility administrators and those in the recovery business Danny does not affiliate with any treatment center or rehabs. He hasn’t got any recovery models to sell. He gives his meditation exercise away for free and only writes of his experience on the subject with one goal in mind. He wants to persuade others to try it and to experience an entire change of being and lifestyle through it. He is not an authority on any recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations as a spiritually awakened and Recovered Alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “Twelve Step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous or as a form of therapy.
Biographic disclaimer: Sometimes the question of anonymity arises – along with the issue of whether or not Danny is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). If Danny were a member of AA, he would violate AAs traditions by saying so publicly. He would also be lying if he were a member and denied it. So in order to respect that organizations traditions he does not answer that question publicly. However, Danny does want his readers to know that AA has earned his respect and he approves of AAs Twelve Step Program. He also does not think that AA has a monopoly on recovery from alcoholism and that AA is not for everyone. He has attended AA meetings and has done extensive research into its history and Twelve Step Program and is an ardent practitioner of the Twelve Steps. He writes about some of these observations regarding AAs Program, Fellowship and history.
Danny Schwarzhoff is a recovered alcoholic and a writer by trade. He is not an authority on ANY recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations based upon that experience as a RECOVERED alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “twelve step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous. Please see the FAQ for more information.
By Nancy Lee Schwarzhoff
Personal Note: I am so grateful to have gotten my husband back. We have been married now for almost twenty-seven years. He became someone I no longer recognized; certainly not the wonderful guy I fell in love with; who made me laugh, who held doors for me, who was truthful and honest; who was going to go out into the world and make a difference – who loved me and didn’t mind showing it. I lost that guy, during the years that he drank. To anyone who has an alcoholic spouse I truly hope you find what my husband has stumbled into. The joy and serenity that has come back is truly a second chance for both of us.
I hope we all enjoy his new book. (He swears he will start looking for a publisher soon!) On the too few occasions that he gives me a few pages to read I end up laughing and crying all on the same page. (I am sure he does that on purpose, knowing him like I do) Then again I went through much of it. So much he never let me know about. He kept so much inside of him. He became secretive and I wondered “How could I have been so mistaken about him?” I questioned whether he loved me at all and what I did to cause him to turn the way he seemed to be. We had no idea what was happening to him. To us.
Even though Dan has been writing his whole life, this is his first attempt at a real book. When he started it a little over a year ago, I knew in my heart that it was something he should do and have been as supportive (through my fears) as I could. I was shocked when suddenly he said he had over 200,000 words written! How he did that, I don’t know. I guess there is still much I don’t know about him as a RECOVERED alcoholic. I am sure he would have started it and given up in our old life. Things are still changing for us everyday.
Although it may or may not be a best seller; it may not conform what to some people think they already know about alcoholics, I will tell you that it is all true and amazing to me. Even his new found recovered friends are just the most amazing, larger than life wonderful people I have ever met in my life. Believe it or not, even the still sick ones he brings here to the house, still drunk!
Danny gets some pretty heavily criticism for being so outspoken. I must say, he does have a knack for cutting to the chase. This bothers some people, especially other un-recovered drunks – who do not even know him past his writings. But if they can deal with their own sensitivities, as I have learned, they will find my husband to be a loving and generous man with a passion for sobriety like none we can imagine. And it is only because of sobriety that it shows. Again.
I know Danny’s talk. He certainly does not walk his own talk a hundred percent. He is far from being a saint. Not on your life! But he does seem to have a skill for catching it before too much harm can come of it. And he helps an awful lot of people. I do admire that in him. But do not ever let him tell you that he walks the talk twenty-four hours a day.
There are second chances in life, happiness, and family. It is waiting for you, inside of you. I hope you find it.
- Love Always, Nancy
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