"We" Are The Agnostics!

For some reason, I used to read the title of Chapter 4 and I didn’t see “WE AGNOSTICS” I saw “Those Agnostics”.

No pressing need to read that chapter, huh? (Even though the directions for taking Step Two are in that chapter – and no where else. You show me someone who isn’t aware of that and I’ll show you someone who doesn’t “work with others”)

Spiritual Dyslexia? Perhaps. Ego? Most definitely.

I refused to set aside my prejudice of what I THOUGHT I knew about agnosticism and see why Bill W and the other co-authors are using this word – and tying it to “We“.

“Hey YOU might be an agnostic, heathen, God-less drunk – NOT ME!
Change that chapter title boys!”

Much to my horror, and I discovered that “We” ARE the agnostics – present tense – present company – me included. Shit!

This was a major point that chapter 4 was trying to get across to me – not just the “Your own concept of God” idea, hell, that’s only supposed to last for a brief interval, as an entry to the God idea – lasting days at most – but also the idea that an opened mind tosses aside prejudice applies to ALL ideas. This is the basis of “Set aside” prayers that many AAs use.

“God, (or Father) - Please help me set aside everything I think I know about myself, alcoholism, these steps, this Big Book, the Fellowship and especially You; so I may have an opened mind and a new experience with all of these and especially You. Thy will – not my will – be done.”

There are many variations all with similar language and they’re darned good too.

It has been and still is my own agnosticism, “creeping agnosticism” I call it – that comes up (“crops up”) each and every time I doubt, am fearful or lack faith in God in any way, at any time, yes even AFTER the “Psychic change“ – after recovering.

Much to my horror, and I discovered that “We” ARE the agnostics! Present tense!

Sure I “Came to believe” – it would not be honest to pretend that belief and courage is full and constant one hundred percent of every twenty four hours – not even in twelve waking hours. I strive toward that perfection knowing I’ll probably not get there (yada-yada) – but heading there is a mission for living – a goal – if you will. I still ignore God’s existence -except now it is not “Around the clock” ignorance, as it used to be prior to recovering. I have been restored to sanity. I am just not capable of being non-agnostic (God conscious) twenty four hours hours a day. Oh, horror of horrors!

While every day is a day when I must carry the vision of God’s will into all of my activities, faith then seems to self perpetuate itself and fill in the cracks – like spiritual Spackle – even when I
am not conscious of His presence. (Agnostic)

I have no aspirations to ever reach that total state of God consciousness in my lifetime. If I did, truly did, I would join a monastery and bring about world peace and cure cancer by thinking it into existence. No, I am still quite worldly. And so are you.

So for now while my head may hit a few clouds now and then, my feet are planted on Terra Firma where there’s much, much work to be done. Happily.

I know a few people who had become so “enlighten” and “spiritual” they couldn’t even hold down jobs or socially participate in normal relationships with human being – even though they needed to and wanted to.

If “Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.” (77:0) and there aren’t any “people about“ in our lives – then the opportunities get lost. (One of the few good reasons to go to meetings by the way) – then where’s the helpfulness in that?

Spending ones days trying to achieve spirituality, instead of growing IN it – can be one of the best ways to circumvent it entirely. Neat trick, eh?

(Tomorrow: “Isolation“)

Peace,

Danny S