Make Heads Turn . . . .

. . . At Your First AA Meeting.

It was my first day in AA and I had gone to a Saturday morning meeting. There I heard a story that blew my mind. It was the story of a down and out stockbroker who drank his way off Wall Street and lived to tell it. Lived to write a book about it apparently. It shocked me. I was a stockbroker too – an Investment Banker – and it was as if I was hearing my own life read back to me. It brought me to tears and now here I was attending my second meeting in Little Neck, Queens, New York City. There were several meetings going on at once in this little Lutheran church on Glenwood Street. I wanted to go to whichever one where I could just sit , listen and not be noticed – where everyone would just leave me alone while I conducted my research.

There was guy at the door who everyone was passing by called Tony. ‘Big Tony’ I was to later learn. Big Tony pointed me toward what he called the “Beginners Meeting”.

“I’m not a beginner.“ I said. I was more than a little indignant.

“What do you mean?“ asked Tony. Two girls with shoulder tattoos and too short denim skirts flipped cigarettes into grey sand taht filled a plastic potato salad bucket holding the door opened and they passed through Tony’s post going straight in without Tony so much as blinking. They must be regulars . . . . . . or I guess you have to grow a set of tits to get in without a confrontation here.

“I was already to a meeting this morning.“ I was looking at him to see if he was reacting at all positively. He wasn’t. He was squinting and he grabbed the bottom of his left earlobe between his thumb and forefinger and twiddled it . A small diamond embedded in the lobe twinkled.

“It was a ninety minute meeting.“ I was hoping that this might buy me a little more credit than a one-hour meeting – maybe it would get me into an intermediate meeting. Or maybe an advanced meeting. Shit I could go straight to the top of this Alcoholics Anonymous deal.

“No No cuz. . . . you go into that far room in the back of the gym … ok cuz?”

I am not your fucking cuz. Instant resentment rose up in my chest – not unlike the heated glow that rises out of a too rapidly dumped and gulped shot of Jack Daniels.

I despised the idea of being placed into any kind of caste system -especially one created by a bunch of drunks. This guy Tony doesn’t know who I am. But I conceded that this fat guy with the diamond stud earring and who looked a little rough around the edges might know a little more than I did – but I didn’t have to like it and since he was obviously the bouncer I did not need to get into any trouble this early on.

My primary mission at this point was to get into a meeting and not bring attention to myself. I would sit in the back, where me and my sweaty six foot one, two hundred an twenty pound frame and the infant son I was carrying in my arms could go unnoticed. If anyone asked me to introduce myself I would definitely not say I am an alcoholic. That way no one would bother with me. If they didn’t think I was one of them then they might leave me the hell alone.

“Would anyone like to introduce themselves?”

I raised my hand and said, “My name is Danny and I am here just to find out if I am an alcoholic.”

WRONG ANSWER!

Just then fifty or sixty heads turned to see me. I was mortified. As if that were not bad enough I recognized nearly all of the same faces I had seen earlier in the morning meeting. They were there too! What the hell is going on here?

I cannot tell you one single word that anyone in that “Beginners meeting” shared. I cannot recall one slogan, not one scary drinking story, not one frothy emotional appeal or anything else said in that meeting. What I can tell you almost verbatim is what was said to me outside of that meeting – after it had ended and after almost everyone had gone home. It was then that someone loved me enough to tell me the truth about alcoholism – because he knew what the truth was. His name was Barry Gross – a strapping gentle giant of a man.

Barry told me his and explained to me the fatal malady – the mental AND the physical aspects of the two-fold illness that we call alcoholism. This is how he qualified me into this Fellowship – by making sure that I understood what “Our description of the alcoholic” is. He did not do any pronouncing “No one gets here by accident- you ARE an alcoholic” or use any other qualifiers other than the ones that AA prescribes. He just told me what he knew about alcoholism – what he had learned from the description in AA’s Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” and was now passing it on – so that I could identify and say “Holy shit” I am one of you!” – if it were true.

That is how I took step one – by learning what alcoholism is – seeing and admitting that I fit! I belonged. I held both conditions identified by AA that made me ‘one of them’. I could raise my hand at a future meeting and in good conscience say, “My name is Danny and I am an alcoholic” and I would know what that means. Not what I think it means. Not what Dr. Phil thinks it means. Not what Oprah thinks it means. Not what Dr. Drew thinks – not even what some arrogant white haired pissant sporting a grim face, a “few twenty fours” and wouldn’t know a Twelve Step call from an Avon call planted onto a folding chair in the back of a musty church basement thinks – but what the co-founders or AA thought it means and for which they designed a Program of recovery that works for that description.

That is all step one is about. It is about learning to distinguish between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic and seeing on which side of the fence I was.

The funny thing is that Barry was absolutely silent during the meeting – so no one knew how ‘smart’ he was. Yet he carried the “this‘ message to me that saved my life, the way we are supposed to – eyeball-to-eyeball with another alcoholic. One alcoholic talking to another. Not one alcoholic talking to sixty meeting attendees. That is not carrying the “THIS” message. That’s just “speaking”.

Every time I feel the need to ‘share’ at a meeting, to say something so pithy – so frothy and spiritually profound that someone’s life is bound to be saved – I try to remember this experience with identification of my first day in AA and how Barry G passed it on by taking me through Step One, on day one – in one hour – outside of a meeting on a hot August night in New York City in 1997.

No waiting. No getting “meetings under my belt” before beginning. No “Going to step meetings” No going to ninety meetings in ninety days and no telling me anything wacky like “Meeting Makers Make it” or “Keep Coming Back”. Uh Uh. Barry was not trying to kill me. His first priority was to start me on the Twelve Step Program so that I could get qualified and start to recover from alcoholism – before the insanity of the next first drink came around again. It was so simple and so vital and exactly the same way that the co-founders of AA did it and prescribe it in the first forty three pages of the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.”

Peace,

Danny S

Getting A Handle On Step One

“God never let’s us get more than we can handle?“

Heah? Jeeze, my experience is the exactly the opposite. I mean, what is it about the word “powerlessness” that a person who thinks this way is missing? I constantly get way more stuff tossed at me than I could ever handle. The very idea that I can handle everything myself - without His help – is what got me into trouble in the first place.

The awareness that we always have things that we cannot handle on our own is what saves alkies!

I couldn’t handle alcohol, could I? Without His help it is too much for us. God has time and again allowed more than I could handle my entire life.

If God always only allowed me what I could handle – then why on earth should I waste His and my time asking Him for help with anything?

Why would anyone who really embraces the “powerless over alcohol” proposition even consider such an opposing idea that is one hundred and eighty degrees opposite the Step One proposition?

Maybe they haven’t taken Step One? YA THINK?

More Silly Slogan Articles.

Peace,

Danny S

Screw U

I do not like it. The co-founders did not like it. Maybe you do not like it. But apparently many folks LOVE it.

What am I talking about is – pronouncing that just about anyone with a “Drinking problem” in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous is alcoholic.

“We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.” (31:3)

To announce is to make known publicly; to pronounce is to declare officially or formally.

Yet isn’t that exactly what we do when we tell someone “You’re in the right place” or “No one gets here by accident.”

If you think that EVERYBODY who enters that church basement is an alcoholic and in the right place – then you are out of your gourd and may have some some “problems” other than alcoholism – like maybe someone gave you a lobotomy in your sleep one night. I have buried too many drug addicts in the last ten years and seen too many “members” who can “Put the plug in the jug” on their own.

There are reasons why the co-authors tell us that they don’t like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic – and once we start doing what they did we can see it too. They did not just pull these ideas out of the asses and write into a book, you know.

The Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” is EXPERIENCE based – not OPINION based.

Too many of us do not bother to Twelve Step others and never experience and see some much in book for ourselves – operating in our own lives as we resume our lives in new and helpful ways.

First, unless he’s been taken through Step One he wont’ believe you if in your opinion he is a real alcoholic – even if YOU DO believe it. Why should he be interested your opinions anyway – people have been giving this guy resentments and troubles by telling him their opinions about him for years anyway. “Fuck you and your solution!”

What will you do then, repeat yourself? Say it louder? Carve it into his belly with a penknife? Take out a full page ad in the New York Times? Besides, what do most newcomers say anyway?

They say, “OH I KNOW that I am an alcoholic!”

“Oh really? OK pal -tell me what alcoholism is.” – and he won’t even come close. He will not tell you about the obsession combined with t he allergy nor describe those condition operative in his drinking history. He can’t explain alcoholic powerlessness – unmanageably – that even faintly resembles “what we know about alcoholism” .

How could he? You haven’t taken him through Step One yet – the other side of which he can emerge knowledgeable about “our description of the alcoholic” and see that he either fits or not. Why do you think and Twelve Step call requires you telling YOUR story to him? It isn’t because you’re so freakin‘ interesting. Anyone who IS NOT and alcoholic wouldn’t understand what the hell you are talking about – like most people in meetings can’t either.

“Show him your copy of this book and tell him what you have found out about alcoholism.” (112:4)

If all you have “found out” is that “One drink is too many . . . . blah blah blah” . . . . sorry, but a real alcohol will instantly sense how full of hot steaming shit your are and you can pretty much just tell him, “Call me before you drink” – then pat yourself on the back for being such a “helpful” AA – then go home and catch another broadcast of “Survivor“. Maybe someone will be moved to clue him in to what a complete dead weight asshole you are in the Fellowship and get him through the first few steps before YOU even get to another meeting – if he’s lucky.

The most important reason that we like SELF DIAGNOSIS is that when we rob him of the self-discovery element we also thwart the power of the inner conclusion necessary – we may prevent or delay his ability to take Step One.

“We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.” (30:1)

This is where the “professionals” of the “Addictions” business have rejected this LEARNING and so fail to make any inroads – and why the recovered alcoholics (Not you recoverING guys, sorry.) of Alcoholics Anonymous – we who eschew POP AA in favor of practicing these principles are presently and will continue to be the real professionals in the field. “We have been given the power to help others.” (132:2) We can help when NO ONE ELSE can.

Nobody. Not the church – not a religion – not the rehab – not the Doctor – the counselor – or the Santero in the back-room of La Botanica. Only “WE” can “secure their confidence when others fail.” (89:0) – and many of these other “professionals” will spit like snakes when we get come around to take another one to God. That’s their problem if they want to do this for money.

There is an awful lot of such “Pronouncement” going on for a Fellowship that claims it shouldn’t be avoiding. Maybe we can just give out “Screw U” medallions instead of twenty four hour or “Desire” chips.

Eleven years ago when I first stepped into “the rooms” in Little Neck-Douglaston, Queens, New York City, the first people I met were frank. They said things like, “I don’t know if you are alcoholic or not.” and “Only you can make that determination” – and one fellow, Barry G, explained to me just how the co-authors or the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” went about it for themselves and had developed something they called “Our description of the alcoholic”.

He let ME in on it – by telling me what he knew about alcoholism – what he had learned from the Big Book and found to apply to his situation.

If I search out another alcoholic to work with and start off first by telling him that he IS alcoholic without knowing much about his history – except that he has utterly destroyed his life and the lives of his loved ones by being a booze bagged asshole – and use THAT information alone in order to qualify and recruit him into the Fellowship created for real alcoholics – attracting him with my friendship and a promise that he will “Not be alone anymore” – he is screwed!

Even worse, I have also screwed the Fellowship and the millions of others who would depend upon Primary Purpose now and in the future. Not being alone anymore is good. Friendship is good. Being able to “open up” to another human being is good. But that is NOT our purpose.

“Sobriety—the freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and practicing of the twelve steps is the sole purpose of an AA group.” Bill W

A few months ago I was at a meeting where some guy, in the middle of his “sharing” looked across the room at a “first-timer” and said, “I never met you before. But I KNOW that you are an alcoholic!”

He KNOWS! I had to strain my head to see the guy. I thought maybe Criss Angel or The Amazing Kreskin and come to visit the Group. But the guy was about as magical as the Amazing Carnac.

What someone who has recovered and who is armed with the facts about his or her OWN alcoholism is qualified to do is to show someone – ANYONE – what those two conditions are. It is up to them then to see if the shoe fits – not anyone else. You are the only one with the intimate knowledge of your own past, necessary to make such a determination. We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic because when we do – WE CAN FUCK IT UP!

That can result in non-alcoholics believing themselves alcoholics and even real alcoholics calling themselves alcoholics but not knowing why it is.

We rob them BOTH of the deep inner recognition of the malady or absence of the malady – within ones self. He cannot decide if he belongs or not – not to inner most self anyway.

Have you ever suggested to someone that maybe they are NOT alcoholic? Sometimes you’ll hear back, “Don’t say that. My sick brain can convince me that maybe I am not and then I’ll drink”. Hey, did you just hear that? Listen. I just heard a coo-coo go off somewhere. This is someone who has NOT yet taken step one. I don’t care what they say or what their sponsor says – they haven’t done it – and if they have the conclusion was that they DON’T FIT – but now they don’t want to leave the fellowship.

What someone who had NEVER recovered, doesn’t intend to EVER recover, but plans to attend AA meetings for the foreseeable future – who is armed with misinformation about alcoholism shows up and tells the poor slob who just got his third DWI conviction and has lost his job that he IS alcoholic – he’s armed all right. He is armed with a grenade of ignorance – pin pulled – and if he grabs onto that newcomer yelling hit the deck that newcomer wont’ even have a chance to kiss his poor ass bye bye.

If he is NOT an alcoholic but some poor guy who has managed to drink himself to ruin and near death (All alcoholics are assholes – but not all assholes are alcoholic) he will call himself alcoholic but not knowing why it is.

We rob him of the deep inner recognition of the malady within ones self

- and THAT in the long run makes for poor sponsorship in AA and widespread ignorance about the malady within and outside of that fellowship – because there is a lack of ability in explaining alcoholism to the newcomer who needs to know.

If you do not Twelve Step other alcoholics or if you have limited or no experience working with sick, pukestank alkies – or you do not fit “Our description of the alcoholic” in the Big Book and therefore aren’t’ “one of us” and so believe that anyone with desire to stop drinking can become a member of Alcoholics Anonymous even if he is not alcoholic – then this idea will probably buzz low across your roof and keep going. You can’t afford to understand it.

But let me ask you this: How many alcoholics would you say you have directly killed in 2007? How many in your entire recovery career? I can tell you how many I have killed. Why won’t you get honest and claim your culpability?

If you really want an answer – let me help you. How many sponsees have you taken on, telling them to take their time to “take the steps” - that it’s “not a race” - and you also never qualified them as real alcoholics in Step One – as it says to do on page forty four?

Got the approximate number? Ok . . . now,

. . . . are any of them dead? THAT’S A BEGINNING!

Peace,

Danny S

Is EVERYONE Alcoholic?

If it’s Friday night and someone is in a church basement full of drunks – then they MUST be in the RIGHT PLACE!”

RIGHT?

Tell me now . . . how intelligent is that? It is no wonder people come away from AA meetings with the impression they have just visited a cult gathering. In some cases, perhaps they have.

It is so important to “QUALIFY” the prospect before expending much time with him/her. And that’s EXACTLY what Step One does. The caveat for continuing to work with a candidate for AA is, “If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic . . . (92:1)

What happens if we can’t get no satisfaction? How do we get satisfied? If we don’t know how take a prospect through Step One then we can never get it.

Coming out the other side of Step One, the prospect either will or will not be able to admit he/she is alcoholic – but only IF alcoholism is explained properly to them using the first 43 pages of the Big Book (Step One) and our own experience as a real alcoholic (Allergy combined with obsession) - which hopefully is already aligned with the chapter about alcoholism.*

SO many of us are looking to make sure that EVERYONE who has a problem with alcohol comes to believe that they ARE alcoholic.

Why? This is a huge disservice to those who are not alcoholic and certainly to a Fellowship that is already top-heavy with meeting-goers who are don’t even know what AAs description of the alcoholic is and therefore may indeed not be “in the right place”.

What we have is insane crap like, “No one gets here by accident” and “If it’s Friday night and your here you MUST be alcoholic.” Here AAs are pronouncing others to be alcoholic – something the co-authors were loath to do. “And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion.” (92:1)

I was at a meeting just a few days ago where some guy, in the middle of his “sharing” looked across the room at a “first-timer” and said, “I never met you before. But I KNOW that you are an alcoholic!” What arrogance! What arrogance it is for ANY of us to proclaim someone is or isn’t alcoholic. ONLY THEY know their own story to the degree necessary to make that determination.

When we don’t know how to show them the method of doing that , then WE FAIL our Primary Purpose!

This is about recovering from a life threatening malady – but no one ever recovers from a malady they have not GOT! And to automatically tell everyone who shows up that they HAVE IT – as in done every night of the week in meetings all around the world – is cruel and indecent.

I have sponsored folks using Step One, right OUT of AA because they could not meet the description. That is what we are supposed to be doing – not getting everyone we can INTO AA. We aren’t running a membership drive. We aren’t on commission for Christ’s sake! Yet we still look an AA group or meeting and rate its success by how many people attend! The larger the group, the better it is! That is egotistic lunacy.

I had a guy from England last year contact me and thank me for helping him understand that he was not “In the right place” and to understand why it was that he felt like a square peg in round hole – going to AA meetings for over a decade. He no longer goes to meetings – AND he was successfully “Not drinking” anymore too.

Let’s stop robbing people of learning THEIR OWN TRUTHS buy telling them what our uninformed opinions are – because when we are wrong we are phucking them up as well as the Fellowship

Peace,

Danny S

* Of course you know which chapter that is, right? I hope so.

Is EVERYONE Alcoholic?

If it’s Friday night and someone is in a church basement full of drunks – then they MUST be in the RIGHT PLACE!”

RIGHT?

Tell me now . . . how intelligent is that? It is no wonder people come away from AA meetings with the impression they have just visited a cult gathering. In some cases, perhaps they have.

It is so important to “QUALIFY” the prospect before expending much time with him/her. And that’s EXACTLY what Step One does. The caveat for continuing to work with a candidate for AA is, “If you are satisfied that he is a real alcoholic . . . (92:1)

What happens if we can’t get no satisfaction? How do we get satisfied? If we don’t know how take a prospect through Step One then we can never get it.

Coming out the other side of Step One, the prospect either will or will not be able to admit he/she is alcoholic – but only IF alcoholism is explained properly to them using the first 43 pages of the Big Book (Step One) and our own experience as a real alcoholic (Allergy combined with obsession) - which hopefully is already aligned with the chapter about alcoholism.*

SO many of us are looking to make sure that EVERYONE who has a problem with alcohol comes to believe that they ARE alcoholic.

Why? This is a huge disservice to those who are not alcoholic and certainly to a Fellowship that is already top-heavy with meeting-goers who are don’t even know what AAs description of the alcoholic is and therefore may indeed not be “in the right place”.

What we have is insane crap like, “No one gets here by accident” and “If it’s Friday night and your here you MUST be alcoholic.” Here AAs are pronouncing others to be alcoholic – something the co-authors were loath to do. “And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion.” (92:1)

I was at a meeting just a few days ago where some guy, in the middle of his “sharing” looked across the room at a “first-timer” and said, “I never met you before. But I KNOW that you are an alcoholic!” What arrogance! What arrogance it is for ANY of us to proclaim someone is or isn’t alcoholic. ONLY THEY know their own story to the degree necessary to make that determination.

When we don’t know how to show them the method of doing that , then WE FAIL our Primary Purpose!

This is about recovering from a life threatening malady – but no one ever recovers from a malady they have not GOT! And to automatically tell everyone who shows up that they HAVE IT – as in done every night of the week in meetings all around the world – is cruel and indecent.

I have sponsored folks using Step One, right OUT of AA because they could not meet the description. That is what we are supposed to be doing – not getting everyone we can INTO AA. We aren’t running a membership drive. We aren’t on commission for Christ’s sake! Yet we still look an AA group or meeting and rate its success by how many people attend! The larger the group, the better it is! That is egotistic lunacy.

I had a guy from England last year contact me and thank me for helping him understand that he was not “In the right place” and to understand why it was that he felt like a square peg in round hole – going to AA meetings for over a decade. He no longer goes to meetings – AND he was successfully “Not drinking” anymore too.

Let’s stop robbing people of learning THEIR OWN TRUTHS buy telling them what our uninformed opinions are – because when we are wrong we are phucking them up as well as the Fellowship

Peace,

Danny S

* Of course you know which chapter that is, right? I hope so.

Twelve Step "Calls" Work

With the email I get it seems that many people aren’t familiar with how a Twelve Step “Call” works – so maybe I can clear up misunderstanding for the uninitiated. Do not follow THIS as the directions! I am just generalizing here and this is MY understanding of what the Big Book directions say and call for. Clear? Good.

There are two approaches each with very specific tasks to perform and results hoped for. I cover it all when I do Twelve Step workshops but for now I will generalize and not get into the minutia of it, but you can easily reference the Big Book for the details – what to say, when to say it, what not to say, what to do – it is very clear and precise.

And it’s interesting too, especially if you are not familiar with the process – (And effective!) Your mind would boggle if you saw what I see doing this work in the field. It warms the heart and soul and so encourages one to continue with the work. It is immensely satisfying work.

To see families reconcile – lives and health restored and then to watch as these folks then carry it on to other sufferers with the exact same results is sometimes astonishing! To see men who upon meeting are lying in a fetal position for days and sometimes weeks at a time, in their own vomit and diarrhea, near death – eschewed by hospitals, failures of ten or twenty treatment center residencies – and just a few weeks later are up, holding a job and reuniting with children, parents and spouses, well frankly it is just too much for words. Even for someone as verbose as I.

First it’s helpful to know why we do this work and why it is so effective when “run” properly:

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill.” (89:0)

So let’s take Bill Dodsen as an example – the well known “Man in the bed”. Bill and Bob go after him. Once again in noticing the method used in the twelve step work Bill and Bob were performing:

“The man in the bed was told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic and warps his mind. There was much talk about the mental state preceding the first drink.” (157:5)

Deterioration of the body? What were they talking about? Liver cirrhosis – Wet brain – Pancreatitis - Hangovers? Not likely.

They explained to him the progressive sensitivity to alcohol and how if any alcohol whatever enters his body the phenomenon of craving would kick in.

Here we hear much confusion, even amongst our own members. Alcoholics don’t CRAVE alcohol until the first drink has been swallowed. (Or alcohol has somehow entered the body through alcoholically contaminated foods, mouthwash, medications, ect)

We alkies don’t sit at home or in our offices “Jones’n” for a drink when there isn’t any already in our bodies.

So if we cannot have any alcohol in our bodies without experiencing a craving for MORE, and we don’t CRAVE more until the first alcohol is introduced, then why can’t we “Just Don’t Take The First Drink”, thereby avoiding the CRAVING for more problem?

They explained this to Bill D. They talked “Much” about the mental state preceding, BEFORE, taking the drink. That means they explained to him the obsession, or in other words the alcoholic insanity of taking that ONE DRINK even though his past history adequately demonstrated an inability to stop (Craving more) when he needed or wanted to stop.

Once he “Got it” – then “Getting it” was not enough. He recognizes that is hopeless. (HE took Step One)

Finally:
The two friends spoke of their spiritual experience and told him
about the course of action they carried out. (157:1)

They wrap the presentation with their solution to the problem – that is the “What happened” part you may have heard of in the formula. What happened was that they had a spiritual awakening/experience that came about by “Action they carried out”. Then they outlined that program of action to Bill D – the Twelve Steps.

Now all our friend Bill D needs to do is acknowledge that the spiritual solution will work (Step Two) and to make a decision to follow the course of action they outlined to him. (Take Step Three).

It’s a simple effective formula for carrying this message.

• Explain the allergy/craving
• Explain the obsession/insanity
• Explain the spiritual experience (Which can’t be done if we haven’t actually HAD a spiritual experience ourselves) and explain the 12 Steps. (Again – can’t be done if we haven’t taken them)
• Tell him what life is like now AFTER recovery. (It’s going to be GOOD)
  

WARNING: If the prospect can’t identify with my explanation of allergy AND obsession – I may not be dealing with a real alcoholic. Even if he IS, he may not really WANT to stop. (SO I ASK HIM!) If so, there will be no need to proceed. But I have still been helpful – now he is free to seek help for whatever OTHER problem he may have that has brought him to this horrible juncture.

“After satisfying yourself that your man wants to recover and that he will go to any extreme to do so, you may suggest a definite course of action.” (142:4)

Have any of us ever gone on a “Twelve Step” call prior to actually understanding the disease – been able to explain it as Bill and Bob have done – had a spiritual experiences and recovered through the twelve steps?

I have. Shame on me – and shame on anyone who hasn’t experienced the solution, hasn’t learned how to explain it – yet attempts to pass it on to another alcoholic whose very life sits in our hands.

If the guy/gal is a real alkie – willing to go through the simple process of the Twelve Steps and adopt its new way of living on a continuing basis – then these folks WILL HAVE a spiritual awakening that BLOWS THE MIND! So much so, they are sometimes ridiculed and eschewed by contemporary “meeting goers” and others who call themselves “still recovering” alcoholics who have not done or experienced what he has.

But they never drink again and they pass on to others exactly what has been passed onto them in the same way it was passed to them. It’s fast acting.It’s effective and I have NEVER seen it not work for any real alcoholic willing to really try. (Heavy drinkers and problem drinkers hardly EVER “really try”. They don’t HAVE to! They can just moderate or quite ON THEIR OWN – they put the “plug in the jug” and leave the fellowship OR they stay and avail themselves of the social benefits. Some even go on the Internet passing on their middle-of-the-road solutions which worked for THEM but is deadly for us real alkies who’s malady can only be conquered through a spiritual awakening. And spiritual awakening is the ONLY purpose of the 12 Steps – not “not drinking anymore”)

I hope this give you a good idea of how the twelve steps for alkies like me work and why I am so passionate about recovery and Twelve Steps. It’s not only for what it has done for me – but what it does for others.

Peace,

Danny S

The Most POWERFUL Method Of Learning About Alcoholism

Very few people I meet – I work with many newcomers – have yet to LEARN what an alcoholic is. Many newcomers to Twlve Step recvoery have been attending AA meetings for decades.

Since the first part of Step One is admitting I am alcoholic (Being “powerless over alcohol”) it as not possible to admit that I am something that I have not even yet learned the definition. Hence a terrific hurdle – a hrdle that so many of us enocunter when first attempoting a Twlve Step approach.

Most people think the hurdle of admission is an ego thing – that once they simply get through the personal embarrassment to the point where they can announce before others, “I’m an alcoholic” means they’re over it and therefore clear to stop drinking. That is only because they THINK that they have to admit to being THIERsocially conditioned definition of the alcoholic, which is usually a mental snapshot of a really bad, anti-social, misfit and bad person,who just happened to choose a destructive method of dealing with life — a “misbehaving” or misdirected person — if you will.

The public at large fosters this image upon and professional communities who have not yet discovered or choose to ignore the strides which the AA co-founders made when they unwittingly stumbling upon the most accurate definition of the alcoholic that mankind has ever had since he first figured out the glorious value of crushing grapes.

Why would the Treatment Industry “professionals” accept AA’s “Our description of the alcoholic”? Well, for one thing, there is no money in it for them.

Look, when I first developed the inkling that perhaps I had a problem with booze, I had a definition in my head of what I thought an alcoholic was. Like many people I assumed, through social conditioning, that an alcoholic was someone who just “drinks to much, too often” and cannot reach their full human potential – a social eccentric who, if only he could DETOX, would then find more socially tolerated ways to deal with his life’s problems – would be able to solve the problems himself or perhaps with the help of other people.

It may be that they are drinking heavily for such reasons and are truly solely social misfits – but for others like myself there are other factors well beyond these which for which there is no human aid. That’s what powerless means. It means no human way out!

But th emerely ‘socially unfit ‘can and often do simply stop drinking on their own – or detox in a controlled environment, then get down to life with the help of a little counseling or maybe even little chemical aid like cannabis – shit I’ll even throuhg in Topomax – or maybe some moderation drinking.

But for others, like me, unless I LEARNED what causes an alcoholic of my type to drink then I could make no progress at all.

So learning what it is tha I am saying I am when I say “I am an alcoholic” had to be done first and unless one is willing to LEARN and to abandon socially conditioned notions and prejudice which suppose why people ‘over-drink’ can be set aside – then, if I truly fit the type of alcoholic addressed by AAs Program, I can set about a fix.

So admission to something which we don’t even know what it is we are admitting too, CAN be a problem to taking Step One.

What works for the true socially unprepared individual who does not have a physical allergy to alcohol combined with a mental obsession, never works for someone like me and roughly ten percent of all humanity walking the face of the earth.

There is no way out that I’ve found – other than divine intervention of some sort – whether through a Twelve Step approach or some other spiritual path also leading to God.

Peace,

Danny S

Soooo Confused It Stinks

It might be good to clear the air about some of the words used by so many of us, just to help be on the same page. I get confused too, when we all aren’t speaking the same language, as so often happens. (Treatment center counselors are SO to blame for this)

In AA there are two extremely – and I mean EXTREMELY – important words that are used within the context of the AA Program that many of us get confused when we use them outside of that context. If we are not all on the same page with the Big Book co-authors on those words, and then within not with each other, no meaningful dialog can be had.

My understanding of the word, Merriam Webster’s understanding of the word, or a treatment center counselors understanding is irrelevant for the purposes of getting and staying sober by AAs Program.

What IS relevant is the co-authors of the Program understanding so we know what the heck all of it meant to THEM. And we DO want to know what they meant – because when we do, the darned stuff makes sense and the Program works. I do not necessarily want what YOU have, but I sure DO want what THEY had. So I can do what THEY did to get it.

Some of the confused words are – craving, obsession, and desire,

Craving – The alcoholic craving does not happen until the alcoholic actually PUTS the alcohol into his body (drinks). It is an abnormal allergic reaction to alcohol during the physical metabolizing process. If the alcoholic does not drink, then he does not crave.

There is sometimes a craving for booze BEFORE the alcoholic drinks, but this type of craving is vague – so vague that it can be satisfied by raising the blood sugar level by something as simple as candy. It can even be white-knuckled by distraction or re-directive activities such as an AA meeting or even an engaging conversation with another person – “but it is not the same powerful irresistible craving of the body brought on by a drink. The thing to remember is No drink = No craving. The crave comes AFTER the drink and is the reason we cannot stop once we start.

The other craving is the craving we feel AFTER we recover: It is the twelve step promise that we will crave fellowship AFTER alcohol ceases to be a problem to us and the insane obsession to drink has been removed, not before.

Obsession – The Big Book does not talk much about obsession, believe it or not. But we are all familiar with “thinking of a drink”, at least I am. The Big Book does NOT call this “thinking of a drink”
an “obsession”. (Dr Bob did once in his personal story though)
The only context that “obsession” is used is in describing the alcoholic’s “secret” idea that someday he will be able to drink again and enjoy it OR that no one knows of his drinking.

Obsession is never placed into a “moment of truth” situation – where the alcoholic is weighing whether or no the should get drunk or drink – planning a drink or struggling with “not picking up”. (151:0, 155:2, 23:2, 30:0)

BUT, “obsession” is also often used by staunch Big Book proponents like me to refer to the:

Insanity - The queer mental twist, queer mental condition that centers in the mind (23:1) that allows the alcoholic to take a
drink, even though he KNOWS from past experience that very often he will not be able to stop, even though he wants, needs or desires to stop. It ONLY occurs immediately before the actual drink takes place. This I why we often hear real alcoholics talk about being “struck drunk”. We were fine one minute and the next thing we knew, it was “down the hatch baby!”.

Desire - Desire is not used in the Program to describe the lust for booze at all. The “desire to STOP” is the only context in which this word is used.

Normal people “desire” drinks. Un-recovered alcoholics drink whether they desire it or not – they are insane.

I hope this is helpful,

Peace,

Danny S

PS (“urge” is never used to describe lust for booze either)