Get Your Mojo Working

This article contains information about AAs Step Nine that from experience I know some people will not enjoy reading. Sorry, but I am not sorry.

My experience with amends is this: First of all, I have COMPLETED my amends. I have done so years ago following this process, as detailed in the Big Book.

I don’t believe there is anywhere in the Big Book that gives me permission to be dishonest by telling potential sponsees that “I have done the steps” and that I “practice these principles in all my affairs” - if I am putting off amends for a time more convenient to me and my selfish affairs.

That is of course easy for ME to say – I’ve tapped into my Twelve Step Mojo and completed them all. Not so easy for some of us to say when we are still believing in fabricated sub-step concepts like “living amends” or waiting for “GOD” to tell me when and high stepping crap coming from God-knows-where — probably Treatment Centers or “New Age” spiritual psychology practitioners who are “In Recovery”.

The “WHEN” of amends for AA purposes was clearly practiced and is clearly articulated by the co-authors. In other words, it is in the book – as is the “WHY”.

At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us.” (77:0)

The idea that “putting my life in order” not being the REAL purpose of this step took quite a bit of wind out of my sails – but it did allow me to see the urgency in making immediate amends to ALL on the Step Eight list.

I had to travel – at my expense. I had to call people I really did not want to speak with and who didn’t particularly want to speak with me either – AND I had to sell them on the idea of meeting with me without spilling the beans. I had to make appointments that would stick.

I learned early on by the way, that many would insist upon my making “indirect” amends if I only revealed to them the exact purpose of our proposed meeting. That’s an old trick, isn’t it?

All I had to do is tell them was, “I am in AA now and I am required to see you and make amends” – which most of them think is assume will be a simple “I’m sorry” and see no need for any further intrusion into their lives by me.

Most people like this will simply say, “Hey don’t worry about it” and then insist that I NOT come to see them – effectively letting me (and them) off the hook.

I was fooling my sponsor AND myself. “Oh this guy doesn’t want me to come by – he says no harm and it’s all water under the bridge”. I wonder how many of us have gotten that far in to learn that bullshit trick?

It’s like an Insurance Salesman calling his prospect on the phone and telling him, “Listen I want to come speak with you and your wife so I can sell you a new insurance policy and earn a nice commission. Is that OK with you?” I can guarantee you – that salesman will NOT make the appointment, he will never meet with his prospect and his sales efforts will fail.

I had to research businesses that “probably” weren’t in business anymore – look up addresses of people who “probably were dead” or moved out of State – ALL the things that if not for spiritual guidance and awakening, I would never have done on my own power. A spiritual awakening was the fuse in my “willingness” bomb – and when it detonated it exploded my spirit – giving me the gumption that didn’t seem like gumption, but seemed only the natural course of actions to take.

I am sponsoring a fellow right now – who cannot see his way clear to spending $500 – round trip, with hotel and meals – to Florida from Boston, in order to make an important amends. He is sure that since he cannot afford $500 that it is OK to wait until he CAN afford it.

YET every time he relapses – don’t you know he goes thousands of dollar into his own pocket?

With that amends still outstanding he has relapsed three times in the last two years – to the tune of nearly $3,000 dollars – not to mention several jobs that he had lost – but in his logic he cannot afford $500 dollars to make an amends in a Twelve Step Program – even after saying he would go to any length to be free from alcohol.

Do you see how a bullshitter can bullshit himself?

Gas was around ninety-nine cents a gallon when I made my amends – It seemed like allot. But are you willing to take that four hour drive when gas costs $3.00 a gallon? It might cost you $100 bucks in cash to make an amends. What are the chances that your next first-drink will cost any less than that? Can you appreciate how full of crap most of us are when it comes to making amends, and why so many real alcoholics relapse with unfinished amends? Are you next?

On the other hand, can you understand why it is that so many of us who have completed our amends have become free enough to maximize our usefulness in helping untold numbers of other alcoholics and that we NEVER DRINK AGAIN?

How come that is OUR experience, it is the experience of the co-founders of AA – but it is not YOUR AA experience? How many “long distance” amends have YOU put off, waiting for your financial “boat” to come in? HUH? Are you as full of shit as my protégés? Nuff said.

Willingness was NOT something I had to “will” to myself. The word “BECAME” willing – as in something that “happened” to me (and the co-authors) when we did the prerequisite work and our hearts and souls were opened and flooded with God’s grace.

It just “happened” and there is nothing that we can DO to “MAKE IT HAPPEN”.

While making amends there were items I felt I wasn’t willing to correct – but that did not delay me from making the amends I was already willing to make – and since we pray till it comes for those items, that is what I did. By the time the other amends were completed (In about four weeks) the willingness to make the others CAME as promised. Four weeks is a long time – by the way. You may not have that long to fart around.

By then I could not even understand why I had been originally unwilling in those instances. They were just as simple to do as the amends I thought were going to be easy. They were ALL easy – in retrospect – and relative to the usefulness I now possess. Yes it was worth it.

If I had to make ALL of my amends for my own sake, so I could FEEL better about my past, I probably would never have made them all. But by this time – by this stage of development, I was reaping the promise of feeling useful and I was thinking more of the gain for my fellows by my being FREED-UP from inwardly concerns like “guilt” and self-pity which is counterproductive to any usefulness I may otherwise possess.

Step Nine amends and the MOJO to get it done is the result of spiritual awakening had through Steps One through Seven and also of steps 10,11 and 12 combined.

If we think we can’t get that MOJO now, we are probably right. But if we follow the Program in sequence – it comes. And the benefit is not ours – and we don’t even care.

CLICK HERE AND BEGIN TRUE FREEDOM – RIGHT NOW

Peace,

Danny S

How’s Your Mojo?

“We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.”(67:2)

They were WILLING. HMMM. By the time I had been well into my written inventory there was a very noticeable change in my attitude toward the damaged goods in my “store”.

Not only could I taste the freedom having these objectionable items cast out, but I was actually chomping at the bit to admit my faults to another human being AND to set the matter straight – something I never could have imagined by simply reading the steps “off the wall”, perusing the Twelve & Twelve or even just reading the Big Book in so called “step meetings”.

The mojo to perform certain steps seems to come from the performance of other certain steps – not the repetitive reading or discussion of them. Taken out of order or performed half-assed just doesn’t “cut it” the way being thorough and complete does.

As my friend Cliff B says, “It’s too simple for smart folks”.

As another example, let’s take “Amends”. How many of us are still living day by day with unfinished amends? And how many of those are strutting around the Fellowship telling us “I have taken the steps”? They are lying.

This is why people to think they are going do this deal piecemeal or cafeteria style never really make it. They never get the whole package as experienced by those who stick to the process as laid out in the book.

They may receive some benefit here and there – maybe even convince themselves in good conscience that they are “Twelve Stepping” AAs – or have “taken the steps” – even with such limited experience they may be able to recall. But they do not get the whole recovery experience.

I believe that they are selling themselves short.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

How’s Your Mojo?

“We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.”(67:2)

They were WILLING. HMMM. By the time I had been well into my written inventory there was a very noticeable change in my attitude toward the damaged goods in my “store”.

Not only could I taste the freedom having these objectionable items cast out, but I was actually chomping at the bit to admit my faults to another human being AND to set the matter straight – something I never could have imagined by simply reading the steps “off the wall”, perusing the Twelve & Twelve or even just reading the Big Book in so called “step meetings”.

The mojo to perform certain steps seems to come from the performance of other certain steps – not the repetitive reading or discussion of them. Taken out of order or performed half-assed just doesn’t “cut it” the way being thorough and complete does.

As my friend Cliff B says, “It’s too simple for smart folks”.

As another example, let’s take “Amends”. How many of us are still living day by day with unfinished amends? And how many of those are strutting around the Fellowship telling us “I have taken the steps”? They are lying.

This is why people to think they are going do this deal piecemeal or cafeteria style never really make it. They never get the whole package as experienced by those who stick to the process as laid out in the book.

They may receive some benefit here and there – maybe even convince themselves in good conscience that they are “Twelve Stepping” AAs – or have “taken the steps” – even with such limited experience they may be able to recall. But they do not get the whole recovery experience.

I believe that they are selling themselves short.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

Sweet Promises

“The Ninth Step Promises” are sweet for sure. Still, to me they pale when contrasted with the Tenth Step promises. Now THOSE are something into which I can REALLY sink teeth.

We don’t hear of them in meetings much – perhaps because they point too handily toward to
Power greater than ourselves which is God.

Neither the Ninth or Tenth Step promises is extravagant, because they are far too common amongst we who meet the ‘conditions’ of each. Many of us are doing the deal. The condition of the Ninth Step promises being “if we work for them”. That means that if I do not work for them then there is little hope of them ever materializing.

The condition of the Tenth Step promises is ‘if we keep in fit spiritual condition.

Experience also abundantly confirms to me that to let up, or ‘rest on my laurels’, results in my being sent back DOWN the down UP escalator – just by standing.

If I keep in fit spiritual condition AND work for them, I am guaranteed that I WILL receive all of the promises of both steps Nine and Ten. My experience in both cases is that they do indeed come true.

My experience also abundantly confirms to me that to let up, or ‘rest on my laurels’, results in my being sent back DOWN the down UP escalator – just by standing still.

Staying on that ride brings me straight to the basement
where that insidious insanity of the next first-drink lurks in wait.

The maintenance portion of the Program I follow does not call for getting spiritual, being spiritual, reading spiritual or feeling spiritual.

It DOES call for spiritual GROWTH. I know people who get a little “happy feeling” after a prayer one day – the next they are Jesus Christ. There is no way I am going to stay sober and helpful to others riding on a spiritual awakening or holy orgasm I had two years or one week ago. I’ve got to GROW to stay in the deal – or else I am OUT!

I think many of us get the promises of sobriety – of establishing a relationship with God – a taste of spirituality and its so darned good we go with THAT. It’s better than what we had.

But it’s only the tip of the iceberg. AA is a spiritual Kindergarten, not a spiritual paradise. There IS a lot of heaven to be found when we begin to live in the Fourth Dimension – but there is so much more. The co-authors knew that they knew only a little. MOTRs LOVE to toss out that line, out of context to PROVE that what we DO know is probably wrong. If only they knew how foolish that sounds.

Peace,

Danny S

The Never Ending Story

Is it OK to take years to make amends? I don’t mean amends that honestly cannot be made, but current, known harms which need to be corrected (as opposed to apologized for) today, tonight or this week.

There is always a possibility that an amends which could not be made due to the “harming others” factor – but how often does that really happen? And knows if it ever will?

No one. If someone puts off making an uncomfortable amends TODAY, one that CAN be made if only it would, and that person is still suffering from untreated alcoholism, un-manageability, unrealized 9th step promises (Unfinished amends) yet, that they have “done the steps” when in fact they haven’t – those folks can and ARE poor examples of recovery. They may not advertise that they still have unfinished amends, but they tell roomfuls of people and newcomers that they have done the work – when in fact they have not.

One look at their deportment, how they react to the stresses of the world around them and move about in the Fellowship can be a very sad walking billboard for recovery. Who would want it?

There are plenty of us out here who relapse because they were not willing to make an amends for a harm. We don’t want to buy the airplane tickets, we don’t want to pay for the gas, we don’t want to “harm” our fragile finances by entering into a “payment schedule” we’ve decided we cannot afford for lack of faith in God. In other words, we still will “dodge” old creditors”. (And maybe newer ones too)

We drink. But before that, we suffer in un-manageability, perhaps for a very long time. All because we were not willing to do whatever is necessary to straighten out the past and become of “maximum service to God and the people about us.” (77:0)

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

What Amends?

Someone told me today they were almost afraid to go forward with the step, fearing step 9 amends. The goods new for that person is that the Big Book’s got THAT covered too, But you know, ALMOST scared from going forward is not the same as being TOO scared to go forward. I scared some people too, when I was drinking, so
what right do I have to be free from “scare” to make good?

But that point aside, this feeling is a common experience for
many I’ve worked with who haven’t made much of beginning. It’s
largely imaginary until the previous steps have been taken.

Until I took the previous steps 4 through 8, I didn’t even KNOW what
amends would have to be made, or what would be involved. So what basis am
I using to get myself all riled up with “scare” until I know what I
am “scared” of? I have no idea of how difficult or easy ANY of my
amends are going to be when it comes time to make them. I don’t even
know what they ARE yet?

By the time I, and most people who follow this path, get to step 9,
a psychic change has already either begun or completely taken place
and we have been actually ANXIOUS to begin. I was. I am working with
two men right now who were bemoaned step 9 and who are now CHOMPING
at the bit to get it done. One preparing for a trip to Chicago.
Another is going over his bills and making phone calls to creditors
he has no money to pay off. They are DOING THE DEAL. And they have
recovered. It’s a wonderful thing.

Until I was able to “object” to the blockages and flaws in my make
up which had kept me from the Sunlight of the Spirit there really
was not enough motivation to take step 9 either. Maybe that’s why it
is step 9, the last of the 4 thru 9 series, and not Steps 2 or 5.

That is my experience.

But the Big Book also reminds me about amends: “If we haven’t the
will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at
the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.”
And that means to take step THREE. Make a decision.

How does anyone KNOW their amends will are to feared? And if they know, are
they praying for willingness? Have they made the list yet of amends to
be made yet? Have they made the decision to carry through with this
in step three? My experience with these question would have me guess
no and no. Yes?

The question I was asked by my sponsor was “How “well” do you want
to get?”

Peace,

Danny S