Poison

AA – Alcohol and Anger

Those Luxurious Poisons

Anger and alcohol have a common trait that is important - vital really - to an alcoholic like me – because if I ignore it I could find myself in an oblong box. They are both absolute poison. EtOH will sicken and destroy the body and anger will poison and kill the spirit.

As difficult as it can be for some non-alcoholics to understand, alcohol does not cause alcoholism. It is spiritual malady that pulls that task off.

There is a sure sign – a symptom, if you will – of spiritual illness – anger - or more accurately ‘how one deals with anger’. Since alcohol did not cause me to become alcoholic; spiritual illness did it – then I need to be very wary of anger. Not in preventing it — anger will always crop up in some ways — but in ways to mitigate it and dissolve it.

The best way I have found to deal with anger so far is to have it removed. There are things that are far too strenuous and impossible to properly deal with in life. One of them is tree stumps. The other is anger. Tree stumps can be professionally removed and for me to try to do it myself is an asinine waste of energy and time that will likely fail anyway. The same with anger.

No stuffing anger down my shirt. No primal screaming in the woods. No attending anger management classes. Most importantly, no stomping on the feet and toes of my neighbors causing harms through poison tongue or actions.

No mantras. No phony positive affirmations or hypnotic exercises. Nope, none of those. Instead I simply have it removed without hardly much more effort on my part than simply asking.

That is the cool thing about God and having him being so physically invisible and apparently hidden. You have to get proactive or else remain oblivious.

The co-founders of AA, in their Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” call anger the “dubious luxury of normal men”. (66:2) They also give me the solution to any anger problem that I may have – right in step eleven. The co-founders of the AA Society coined a phrase ” It works – it really does”. I used to think that this was just a general reference to AA meetings and ‘fellowshipping’ – that these things would keep me sober. It wasn’t. Did you know that “It works – it really does” – refers specificallyto Step Eleven and the Step’s efficacy against anger?

That’s right. It pays to read and understand that book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” More importantly it costs to misunderstand and misquote these materials to newcomers whose lives depend on discovering a solution to their problem.

If the solution to YOUR problem is “Keep coming back” or “Just don’t drink” then that is your thing. It may not be a viable solution to another – to a real alcoholic a true alkie.

They may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. Proposing your non-spiritual solution is great for you – but it might kill him.

Anger is not OK . Anger is not inescapably human – if it is then so is homicide, suicide and genocide. Let’s not cosign death certificates.

This is one more example of how out of context Big Book quoting can cause so many of us to not only miss good information but to be to be fed deadly misinformation. The causal observer who is is “Just showing up” planting his fat ass in a metal folding chair at a “Step Meeting” – reading the bulleted summaries of The Twelve Steps off the window shade or flipping to page 58 of the Big Book does not come away with much understanding of what the Twelve Steps are – what they do – or how they work. The egotistical alcoholic or any such self-centered person will think they do – much like a person might think they are an expert in financial matters because they watched Suze Orman on CNBC six times last year. (Don’t cash out! You should be slowly buying in. This is an opportunity to make up for all those lost years of wasted money and bad decision making while drinking and prone to emotionalities! Buy in at these levels – when companies are cheap and prices reflect the herd’s emotions instead of the values they eventually must seek and attain.)

Thanks to these practices I am no I am no longer prone to anger the way I was prior to recovering – even when not drinking. That danger seems to have waned considerably as well.

I have never been characterized by anyone as an ‘angry’ type – not before recovering nor after – but I am by no means a saint. I recall once when I became angry when a mounting situation reached it’s boiling point. I really wanted to let someone - OK it was my wife, Nancy - have a piece of my mind. I was able to bite my tongue for the moment and go for a drive and follow the specific Twelve Step directions – asking God for the right thought or action — to be in line with His will not my will.

Then I phoned my ‘spiritual guru’ to rat myself out and in that conversation realized that it was my will which was threatened. Wonderful right? Good for me – but here is the kicker:

The anger immediately left and I was able to return home like a gentleman, without creating a scene. Then something unthinkable to the self-reliant man happened. I actually found that I was in agreement with what I had previously found offensive.

“DAYUM! Nancy was right! I’ll have my crow with Tarragon sauce thank you very much.”

Don’t that beat all? Now, of course I owe an amends – and it could be gladly proffered too. This is not some fluky occurrence my friend. Experiences like this one happen all the time to we who follow this path and life is a hell of a lot easier that riding through it against the winds and ducking the cold weather and rain in the face.

If I did not have Step 11 in my daily life, this could not have been possible. I probably would have agitated myself without pause and exploded – or I would have stuffed my anger down into the recesses of my chest somewhere and been walking around with a resentment that would eventually cause me to drink later. I’d be ill. Spiritually. Then mentally. Then physically.

There are hundreds of great promises in that Big Book – not only those so endearing and too ubiquitous “The Promises” that some e group shave somehow adopted – and there are Two great Promises of Step Eleven. “We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient.” (88:0) and I will tell you from experience and from a decade of practice, “Yes we are!”

These promises, delivered and constant – have made me grateful to have finally found a design for living that works. “It really does.”

Damn. I should go back to Wall Street now shouldn’t I? Imagine not being a prey to excitement, fear, anger, worry self-pity or foolish decisions – raising a few million and getting back in the money and power game? Hmmmm . . . . NAH!

Peace,

Danny S

"Give Me Knowledge and Power . . . .

. . . . Or You Shall Rue The Day You Ever Became A God or Whatever Omnipotent Genius or Czar of the Heavens You Claim To Be.

Amen” Stewie Griffin

What if while practicing Step Eleven – asking God for “knowledge of His will” for you and “the power to carry it out” – and he actually gave it to you?

Can you be trusted with it? I mean, what is the point of having a step eleven unless it can happen. Right?

Someone brought up a similar idea the other day in the comments sectionof this very blog – the ‘comfortability factor’ in claiming to know what “God” wants for us. You know what he is talking about I am sure. After all, we do have a step in which we pray “only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

WOW. Knowledge and power. Seems like dangerous possessions for the self-centered selfish alcoholic fool doesn’t it – like Plankton in “Spongebob” or Stewie in “Family Guy” – always looking for new and ingenious ways to gain world domination and power over others – invariable stepping on everyone’s toes in the process. Not to mention looking pretty damned foolish in the end.

Well the toning-down of this idea and taming of the ego comes quite abruptly the moment we realize that it is not our will but Gods will for which we are asking knowledge and it is God’s will for us and not for others. For the self-centered, selfish former problem drinker it gets even worse from there because once we are in Step Eleven we have had a spiritual awakening and self seeking is no longer running our lives. We have turned our lives and wills over to God’s care and he is now in charge of it without the usual amount of interference we had previously been throwing into the works – the Sixth Sense is now developing and we hare seeing God at work in our lives – not to mention that the desire to drink has long been irradiated.

But there is something else. I have always been very wary of folks who go around telling us how “God said” this to me and “God revealed to me” that. VERY suspicious and disturbing people in my view – a big turn off – and frankly – quite a bit kooky, in my estimation.
However:

“What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.” (86:3)

Personally I have found this to be absolutely true – but I have been a Twelve Step ‘practitioner’ for ten tears now and I believe a fair enough amount of time to accumulate experiences that I can relate to others with it. The ‘catch’ or ‘safety net’ to Step Eleven is that we ask not only for the “knowledge of His will” but also “the power to carry it out.”

One without the other is useless.

Times when I had been wrong – you know, made one of those absurd and arrogant presumptions of what I thought “GOD’S will” was for me, I never had to “power” to carry it out anyway – so even though I tried to do what I THOUGHT was “God’s will” – I was spinning my wheels.

Cool safety net – and smart cookie that “God” fella. He sure seems to have thought of everything.

Peace,

Danny S

"Give Me Knowledge and Power . . . .

. . . . Or You Shall Rue The Day You Ever Became A God or Whatever Omnipotent Genius or Czar of the Heavens You Claim To Be.

Amen” Stewie Griffin

What if while practicing Step Eleven – asking God for “knowledge of His will” for you and “the power to carry it out” – and he actually gave it to you?

Can you be trusted with it? I mean, what is the point of having a step eleven unless it can happen. Right?

Someone brought up a similar idea the other day in the comments sectionof this very blog – the ‘comfortability factor’ in claiming to know what “God” wants for us. You know what he is talking about I am sure. After all, we do have a step in which we pray “only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

WOW. Knowledge and power. Seems like dangerous possessions for the self-centered selfish alcoholic fool doesn’t it – like Plankton in “Spongebob” or Stewie in “Family Guy” – always looking for new and ingenious ways to gain world domination and power over others – invariable stepping on everyone’s toes in the process. Not to mention looking pretty damned foolish in the end.

Well the toning-down of this idea and taming of the ego comes quite abruptly the moment we realize that it is not our will but Gods will for which we are asking knowledge and it is God’s will for us and not for others. For the self-centered, selfish former problem drinker it gets even worse from there because once we are in Step Eleven we have had a spiritual awakening and self seeking is no longer running our lives. We have turned our lives and wills over to God’s care and he is now in charge of it without the usual amount of interference we had previously been throwing into the works – the Sixth Sense is now developing and we hare seeing God at work in our lives – not to mention that the desire to drink has long been irradiated.

But there is something else. I have always been very wary of folks who go around telling us how “God said” this to me and “God revealed to me” that. VERY suspicious and disturbing people in my view – a big turn off – and frankly – quite a bit kooky, in my estimation.
However:

“What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.” (86:3)

Personally I have found this to be absolutely true – but I have been a Twelve Step ‘practitioner’ for ten tears now and I believe a fair enough amount of time to accumulate experiences that I can relate to others with it. The ‘catch’ or ‘safety net’ to Step Eleven is that we ask not only for the “knowledge of His will” but also “the power to carry it out.”

One without the other is useless.

Times when I had been wrong – you know, made one of those absurd and arrogant presumptions of what I thought “GOD’S will” was for me, I never had to “power” to carry it out anyway – so even though I tried to do what I THOUGHT was “God’s will” – I was spinning my wheels.

Cool safety net – and smart cookie that “God” fella. He sure seems to have thought of everything.

Peace,

Danny S

Let This Cat Out!

I’m letting you in on a little secret. It shouldn’t be a secret – but it is. To let this out of the bag means that we would have expose ourselves and whether or not we are dead weights in this Fellowship or not.

How would you like to have those haunting character defects removed? You know you would! Well, I have an answer to that. Go work with another alcoholic – not just ANY work – but THE work.

I am not taking about buying a newcomer a chicken sandwich and a cup of coffee – or driving him to a meeting – or picking him up from the courthouse. That’s not what the co-founder tell us to do – you lazy AA dead-weight! I mean perform your work well – the REAL work – the work described in the Chapter “Working With Others” - and do what we are supposed to be trained and have experienced ourselves in order to do – as passed on to us.

Take him through the Twelve Steps!

Look, I have my share of defects – that much I guarantee – but I know serenity. I know courage. I know what it is to have that elusive happiness, joyousness and freedom. But I have never had to tell a protogee, “Excuse me for a moment – we will get back to this step after I call my sponsor before I drink.” It just never happens.

Do you know why? Because character defects have NEVER cropped up when I was taking another man through the steps. NEVER EVER! The more I am working with others in this way – the further I get away from these. It is the ONLY way I know of to be free. And it also happens to be the only real purpose of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I know – you thought it was to stop drinking. Well, “Sooprize Sooprize Sooprize Sargent Carter!”

Being a good Samaritan never has never removed my defects – only to the extent that I can be useful – never to the extent that I can claim any virtue for myself – have they ever gone away.

We even have the seventh Step Prayer that qualifies WHICH defects of character I can expect to be removed: “defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.” Get it?

The rest I can sit an suffer with – until the next sick, puking alcoholic is in front of me and we go to work. You I and both know people who can’t understand why it is that they STILL have all these character defects haunting them around the clock.

The answer to them is simple: They haven’t got a sick and suffering alcoholic to take through the twelve steps. Some folks NEVER do that!

They want to “do service” - they want to “not hurt anybody” – they want to “be a powerful example” – they want to “just show up” and fantasize that THAT’S how they help others – and whatever else they can do EXCEPT take another alkie through the steps. They are missing a great deal.

They still suffer with their defects too. No one told them.

Our character defects aren’t removed so we can feel good – so we can get spiritual – so we can “not drink”. PUHLEEZE! Our defects are removed to the extent that we use our new selves and free states of being for the benefit of God’s work and helping others. Get anything else out of your self-centered greedy little mind.

It’s very simple – the more we work with others – the less our character defects “Crop up” If I want less “Cropping” – then I do more working.

Are you already doing this? Beautiful! You know what it’s like to have your character defects removed – how to remain humble enough to live with the ones that crop up and you are NOT a dead weight in a Fellowship of dead-weights.

You are my AA Hero and I thank you for being on the Broad Highway with us.

Peace,

Danny S

The Cure For Meeting Malaise

Meeting are a boring pain in the ass and YOU CAN’T WAIT to get out of each one! And that’s your DIRTY LITTLE AA SECRET!

I know – don’t bullshit me pal! You know it’s true.

So here’s the solution! I swear it is!

I get most of my guys right now from meetings. I get there early – I stay late. I circulate. I advertise. Prospecting IS promotion AND attraction. I leave the old misquoted sound byte for Tradition Eleven (Attraction not promotion) where it originates and belongs.

I let people know I am an active sponsor and always available. I hand out my little prospecting cards which tell folks I am available for work. I keep my eye out on the crowd and pretty much try not to groan out loud listening to the speaker. HA!

(Yes, Joe and Jane middle-of-the-road AA – you AND your sad-sack drunkaloge is one one big freakin’ bore to real alcoholics!)

Sometime people come to meetings specifically looking for me. Sometimes I have to chase them. Someone like Cliff B. may have to yell at me and tell me to get my ass down to the local Sally if find myself in a dry spell. And hurtin’ But I am always WITH CHILD when it comes to drunks with whom to work. THANK GOD!

AA as a Fellowship is not boring when I am using it as it was designed – as a society and supportive means of upholding our PRIMARY PURPOSE.

And if you are unable to do this, because you don’t work with others, or arent’ qualified to sponsor others because you havent recovered – then what the hell are you doing in AA meetings anyway?

Drinking our coffee? Trying to screw our gals? Pleasing the spouse, boss or courts? Fine –then suffer!

Is your “Drinking Story” boring? HOW TO KICK IT UP —-> KICK

Peace,

Danny S

Unfinished Amends

A warning about unfinished amends . . not only among those who never set out on this path, . . .

. . . (maybe who “read the Big Book” and “Go to Big Book meetings – but never take the Program wholly into their lives) . . .

. . . . but among those of us who otherwise are living this way of life – who carry this message – who are considered Big Book Thumpers – who pray and meditate everyday.

I work with many men. More than one has relapsed after having come this far from unfinished amends.

Very often, they were unwilling to buy the plane tickets. They were unwilling to drive the 8 hours and pay for a hotel room. They were unwilling to do whatever was necessary to pick up the phone, pickup the 8th step list and make the appointment and show up in person (Direct amends) to set right the wrongs they had done.

Often they thought amends was about mending fences, and gaining back the approvals of others long lost. It’s not. That’s self-centered amends-making.

There are people I needed to see and set right with – who thought and perhaps STILL think I’m a compete asshole. They couldn’t give a hoot about how spiritual I have become these days, or that my errors where while suffering from untreated alcoholism. They want they’re freakin‘ money back! THAT’S IT!

THAT is setting things right . . . RESTITUTION . . . not winning back affections or approval.

Needless to say, someone who has NEVER even set out on this path, who is still trying to “stay sober” by going to meetings and sharing and whatever else the middle-of-the-road folks are telling them to do – still may have mostly ALL of their amends unfinished . . .

. . . . but how many of us ON THE PATH won’t make it after a while, because all of the housecleaning has not been done fearlessly from the start? Perhaps five, ten even twenty years ago?

There isn’t really much ability to keep my house clean on a daily basis as long as all of the corners holding the dirt of the past haven’t been swept out fully and sometimes it is what has been hidden or simply ignored – under couches – that the we keep a secret that ensures we are have never been completely clean.

I know that when I had completed my amends, the difference between prayer and meditation before and after were astounding – to the point where I’d have to say I really couldn’t pray or meditate and if I went through the motions it was just that, because I hadn’t been unblocked from the Sunlight of the Spirit yet.

It was often like picking up a dead phone line – with no one on the other end talking back. Today God comes through – there is two-way communication – not just one way praying into a void.

If the blocks are still there, there can never be a meaningful Step Eleven – growing communication with God.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com