Misery and Depression

It’s one thing to be sober, but quite another to be sober AND happy about it. I use those pesky steps, the AA solution, instead of my own solution and as a result I can say that rarely if ever do I have a bad day. I just don’t have them.

I learned in AA that the inner condition that occurs if an alcoholic does not deal with the spiritual malady will give me car load of misery first, then I’ll drink.

Stopping going to meetings is the LAST thing I’ll do, not the first. First, I’ll stop enlarging my spiritual life through practicing these steps in all my affairs, then I’ll start managing my own life and become a prey to misery and depression, then I I’ll drink.

I cant’ remember the last time I had a day that “got to me”, whereas it was a frequent occurrence prior to putting this Program into daily practice. Which is good for AA, because now I’m not taking up the meetings precious time crying about my bullshit when a newcomer , dying from untreated alcoholism , is sitting there waiting to hear some hope.

Being restless, irritable and discontent are conditions we know lead a real drunk to drink. I am always on the lookout for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

These are always going to crop up and when they do I ask God at once to remove them. I call another drunk immediately and if necessary I make amends quickly if anyone was harmed.

Then I think about someone I help and do it. Pretty simple this AA. I haven’t had a bad day doing this for years now. I guess that’s what is meant by contented sobriety.

Being restored to sanity, living a life that is manageable, and having a new Power over alcohol are all the promises which AA has delivered to me on a silver platter.

Peace,

Danny S

Drinking or Not

Because of the selfish and self-centered way I perceived and interacted with other people, my entire life, behaviors, attitudes and emotions just made me uncomfortable (in my skin), and I sought a cure. This is a symptom of the spiritual malady the big Book talks about as opposed to the physical malady. Alcohol was my solution, not my problem.

Even though I was “In AA” and “Going to meetings” – had a sponsor, had a home group, was putting away the chairs, making the coffee, driving drunks to meetings and rehabs, and managed to gave decent sound bytes in meetings that “Sounded good” I was not growing toward the spiritual solution to my problem – and so remained spiritually blocked by self-centered fears.
One excellent reference, although there are many, is found in the Big Book (52:2) where they describe the INNER un-manageability as “having trouble with personal relationships, not being able to control their emotional natures, being a prey to misery and depression, not being able to make a living, a feeling useless, being full of fear, being unhappy, and not seeming to be of real help to other people.”

There are other descriptions of the inner condition that happens if an alcoholic does NOT deal with this spiritual malady, but this paragraph describes it well enough. I sometimes hear these referred to as the “Bedevilments“.

The spiritual malady wreaks its havoc while drinking and while “Not drinking” – or in other words, whether we are drinking OR NOT! I think we all must know a few AAs – sometimes dry for many years – spouting snappy Fellowship one-liners and yet, still mad as hatters.

Peace,

Danny S