Getting A Handle On Step One

“God never let’s us get more than we can handle?“

Heah? Jeeze, my experience is the exactly the opposite. I mean, what is it about the word “powerlessness” that a person who thinks this way is missing? I constantly get way more stuff tossed at me than I could ever handle. The very idea that I can handle everything myself - without His help – is what got me into trouble in the first place.

The awareness that we always have things that we cannot handle on our own is what saves alkies!

I couldn’t handle alcohol, could I? Without His help it is too much for us. God has time and again allowed more than I could handle my entire life.

If God always only allowed me what I could handle – then why on earth should I waste His and my time asking Him for help with anything?

Why would anyone who really embraces the “powerless over alcohol” proposition even consider such an opposing idea that is one hundred and eighty degrees opposite the Step One proposition?

Maybe they haven’t taken Step One? YA THINK?

More Silly Slogan Articles.

Peace,

Danny S

The Divorced Alkie Will Drink – No Matter What

Calm down – not marital “divorce” – SPIRITUAL Divorce!

To the average Pop-AA devotee, the worst possible thing that an AA can do is drink. Not me. Drinking is NOT the worst thing. The worst thing I can do is give up my relationship with my Creator.

That probably will RESULT in drinking – and a lot more other horrendous behaviors too – but drinking is certainly not the be all and end all of this recovery deal.

Liquor is “but a symptom” (64:0) – a mere bag of shells – an indication of another far more serious problem – spiritual sickness that stems from our own resentments.

When a protegee tells me that they have “slipped” it is usually while we are working together on the Steps. My reaction is always the same, “NO SHIT!” I say. Why? Because it is not beyond expectation.

He is after all still suffering from a spiritual malady – a self imposed divorce from God.

Real alcoholics will drink, no matter what, until such time as their spiritual awakening and that is NOT “Upon arrival” in the Fellowship. “Just showing up” is not a treatment for alcoholism.

I have noticed that when a protegee is steadfast in wanting to stop drinking and change his life then right after Step Three – immediately after vowing to God that we will now turn our lives and wills over to Him in a process we call Steps Four through Twelve – there seems to come a sort “grace period” – as if God is keeping us safe from alcoholic obsession in this interim – that period of time prior to the spiritual awakening.

Others, just seem to be “Free agents” until that awakening occurs – and IT DOES – usually somewhere in and around Steps Five through Seven.

Some of these “free agents” drink. I don’t consider it a big deal. It’s to be expected because that’s what real alcoholics do – they DRINK – NO MATTER WHAT. Until they have recovered through the awakening transformation from one type of character into another.

It’s NOT because they aren’t going to enough meetings, or making coffee or calling their sponsor, or have a Home Group. Those are the POP-AA tools of sobriety. We are concerned with “Spiritual Tools” – not weak, human hand forged implements reserved for people with “A drinking problem”.

When that happens we just keep forging ahead to get him there This is why we try to get a newcomer through this process as fast as possible – none of that “Step a Year” bull-dinky or whatever other procrastination techniques we too often hear. This person life and the well being and health of an entire family might be at stake. It IS a RACE!

Pretending to know how much time a newcomer has before that next first-drink obsession is going to hit him broadside is just plain arrogance. Yet we hear it all the time don’t we? Yes, from meeting dependent AAs who HAVE power over alcohol.

You know the ones – the Jugheads. Those who “Put the plug in the jug“ to stay sober and in saying that ADMIT openly that they are not real alcoholics since they HAVE power over alcohol.

Not me or the men I sponsor. I don’t sponsor Jugheads. they have the luxury of another, less drastic, easier-softer solution.

We are POWERLESS until such time as a the spiritual comes to remove the obsession.

Peace,

Danny s

The Divorced Alkie Will Drink – No Matter What

Calm down – not marital “divorce” – SPIRITUAL Divorce!

To the average Pop-AA devotee, the worst possible thing that an AA can do is drink. Not me. Drinking is NOT the worst thing. The worst thing I can do is give up my relationship with my Creator.

That probably will RESULT in drinking – and a lot more other horrendous behaviors too – but drinking is certainly not the be all and end all of this recovery deal.

Liquor is “but a symptom” (64:0) – a mere bag of shells – an indication of another far more serious problem – spiritual sickness that stems from our own resentments.

When a protegee tells me that they have “slipped” it is usually while we are working together on the Steps. My reaction is always the same, “NO SHIT!” I say. Why? Because it is not beyond expectation.

He is after all still suffering from a spiritual malady – a self imposed divorce from God.

Real alcoholics will drink, no matter what, until such time as their spiritual awakening and that is NOT “Upon arrival” in the Fellowship. “Just showing up” is not a treatment for alcoholism.

I have noticed that when a protegee is steadfast in wanting to stop drinking and change his life then right after Step Three – immediately after vowing to God that we will now turn our lives and wills over to Him in a process we call Steps Four through Twelve – there seems to come a sort “grace period” – as if God is keeping us safe from alcoholic obsession in this interim – that period of time prior to the spiritual awakening.

Others, just seem to be “Free agents” until that awakening occurs – and IT DOES – usually somewhere in and around Steps Five through Seven.

Some of these “free agents” drink. I don’t consider it a big deal. It’s to be expected because that’s what real alcoholics do – they DRINK – NO MATTER WHAT. Until they have recovered through the awakening transformation from one type of character into another.

It’s NOT because they aren’t going to enough meetings, or making coffee or calling their sponsor, or have a Home Group. Those are the POP-AA tools of sobriety. We are concerned with “Spiritual Tools” – not weak, human hand forged implements reserved for people with “A drinking problem”.

When that happens we just keep forging ahead to get him there This is why we try to get a newcomer through this process as fast as possible – none of that “Step a Year” bull-dinky or whatever other procrastination techniques we too often hear. This person life and the well being and health of an entire family might be at stake. It IS a RACE!

Pretending to know how much time a newcomer has before that next first-drink obsession is going to hit him broadside is just plain arrogance. Yet we hear it all the time don’t we? Yes, from meeting dependent AAs who HAVE power over alcohol.

You know the ones – the Jugheads. Those who “Put the plug in the jug“ to stay sober and in saying that ADMIT openly that they are not real alcoholics since they HAVE power over alcohol.

Not me or the men I sponsor. I don’t sponsor Jugheads. they have the luxury of another, less drastic, easier-softer solution.

We are POWERLESS until such time as a the spiritual comes to remove the obsession.

Peace,

Danny s

"We" Don’t Get Fooled Again

Isn’t it amazing that in a Book like the one we have, “Alcoholics Anonymous” – a volume that is chock full of prayers – that we don’t hear much about them?

The Big Book is after all is part storybook, “

“The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism”

Part textbook , “the Basic Text for Alcoholics Anonymous” . . .

. . . and part prayerbook – one only need to begin studying and practicing the Program detailed in it to realize this.

Once in a while, we’ll hear a few of the obvious prayers – like the Third Step prayer and maybe a Seventh Step prayer – even then rarely is it connected to the Step with which it is aligned. But do we hear about the “Resentment prayer” or any from of “Step Ten prayer”?

How about, “God show me how I can be helpful to another alcoholic today”? or “Father, give me whatever inspiration and intuitive thoughts you need for me to have today so that I may know what your will is – and give me the power to carry it out”?

Not in your life! Instead we hear, “I don’t know what God’s will is” and “I am powerless of people places and things.” (I think I just puked into my mouth writing these.)

Instead we hear slogans and we hear slogans and more slogans – until our eyeballs bleed and melted wax from our ears are trickling down the sides of our necks.

In case you didn’t know, there are only three slogans in the Big Book. “Mottos” they called them. All three are on the last page of The Family Afterward.

The rest of the slogans that we hear in the fellowship come from . . . . I don’t know – where the hell do they come from? Have you ever noticed that so many of those slogans are self-will based?

• Keep It Green
• Remember the last drink
• Keep Coming Back
• Meeting Makers Make It
• Turn It Over
• H.A.L.T (Hungry Angry Lonely Tired)
• Ninety meetings in ninety days
• One Day at A Time

If you like these and believe there is great value in them for keeping a real alcoholic sober, then here are a whole shit-load for you – blow your brains out – Good Luck! SLOGANS

Even “Let Go and Let God” – as if He needs our “letting” – our “blessing” or permission to run the show. Puhleeze!

People who are living our way of life aren’t going around saying “Keep Coming Back” or “One Day At A Time”. It just doesn’t happen. They know better. Many of them have been harmed trying to use AA slogans as a means for staying sober and found they didn’t work – not for the real McCoy, like me.

These are people who have recovered from alcoholism through a spiritual experience and have been HEALED – through a MIRACLE. They are remaining healed through continued spiritual growth.

They are praying and meditating, on their knees, every morning, praying throughout the day, praying in the evening, doing inventories daily – nightly – and have a whole of prayer and ongoing actions that go WAY beyond the catchy catch-phrases that are about as useful as tying a string around a finger for a reminder.

They are receiving guidance and inspiration through a loving God who sends the intuitive thoughts needed so we can KNOW what His will is. He is them the power to carry it out too. They are powerful people!

Did that asshole last night in your meeting – you know . . . . the one who talked about “Life on life’s terms” and how many meetings he goes to – say anything that could HEAL YOU from your alcoholism?

Did anyone break out in tears with the sudden realization that they were NEVER GOING TO DRINK AGAIN – that the obsession had been removed?

Well, many of us HAVE had and do witness others having experiences just like that. The experiences are frequent – and believe me, they do not happen sitting in folding chairs watching the clock, wondering if there was any coffee left in that big ugly urn in the back of the room because if I don’t get some more caffeine in my system then I just won’t be able to stay awake listening to this boring fucking drunk-o-logue.

I know a thing of two about hypnosis – more than the average person – more than the average stage hypnotist – and I can tell you that slogans, in and of themselves, have ZERO effect on those who are reborn – except maybe to send us into a coma. They sure as hell are not a treatment for alcoholism.

They do however greatly affect the “re-fooled” – again and again and again. Do you want to be a hypnotized AA-bot – a fellowship zombie chanting Meeting-Mantras for quick injections of temporary sobriety – or do you want a loving God to HEAL YOU so you can live a happily useful and whole life – REMOVED FROM ALCOHOLIC INSANITY and go meetings to tell others exactly how that happened?

It’s up to each of us individually.

Cure for Meeting Malaise

Peace,

Danny S

"Keep it Green" Offers False Hope

If my memory and the memories of other alcoholics spouting from podiums the horrific dramas of their of the past were an adequate defense against the next first- drink, then for what reason then would I have to turn to God for help?

“Keep it green” is a message of a false hope to all un-recovered alcoholics. It implies that recall of the past can somehow keep a real alcoholic from the next first-drink now careening toward him from the future at a frightening speed (If it were known). Well, it may keep a hard drinker from getting hammered. It may help someone “having a problem” with alcoholc from it – but as one of my Texican buddies Chris likes to point out “The Big Book says I am not going to remember my own scary stories, let alone yours”.

Chris well conveys the idea straight out of the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous”,

“We are unable, at certain times, to bring into
our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.” (24:1)

Keeping it Green can be worthy pastime, in some respects – say to sharpen one’s twelve stepping skills (The Big Book does propose a time “Identification stories” are used – and it’s NOT in meetings). But as a defense against alcohol it is mostly worthless and a dangerous proposition — one that when fostered upon the unsuspecting and unlearned as a defense against the next first-drink fails miserably — IF he is a real alcoholic.

Only real alcoholics experience the mental blank spots we characterize as “obsession” – as “insanity” – as a peculiar mental twist that precedes the first drink that sets off the physical craving. Only real alcoholics.

“If a sufficiently strong reason – ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor – becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.” (21:0)

These types don’t need AA. They need to stop drinking. AA is for people who CAN’T stop drinking!

There is not need to berate or denigrate those in the rooms who use “human aid” like meetings, fellowship and slogans to stay sober. Most of them won’t be around long anyway. It takes an average five years for most problem drinkers to figure out that they had power over alcoholic all along and leave the fellowship. But I really get a little shook up when, during their tour, they sink the boats some of our own by insisting that how THEY stay sober is somehow also suited to the real alcoholic.

It isn’t.

Hell, I know people who have been attending meetings for decades who don’t even KNOW that there IS such a thing as a “Real alcoholic”. They probably haven’t read our Book too carefully. But heck, they probably don’t really need to.

SEE: (Fear Sobers a Bit)

Peace,

Danny S

"Keep it Green" Offers False Hope

If my memory and the memories of other alcoholics spouting from podiums the horrific dramas of their of the past were an adequate defense against the next first- drink, then for what reason then would I have to turn to God for help?

“Keep it green” is a message of a false hope to all un-recovered alcoholics. It implies that recall of the past can somehow keep a real alcoholic from the next first-drink now careening toward him from the future at a frightening speed (If it were known). Well, it may keep a hard drinker from getting hammered. It may help someone “having a problem” with alcoholc from it – but as one of my Texican buddies Chris likes to point out “The Big Book says I am not going to remember my own scary stories, let alone yours”.

Chris well conveys the idea straight out of the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous”,

“We are unable, at certain times, to bring into
our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.” (24:1)

Keeping it Green can be worthy pastime, in some respects – say to sharpen one’s twelve stepping skills (The Big Book does propose a time “Identification stories” are used – and it’s NOT in meetings). But as a defense against alcohol it is mostly worthless and a dangerous proposition — one that when fostered upon the unsuspecting and unlearned as a defense against the next first-drink fails miserably — IF he is a real alcoholic.

Only real alcoholics experience the mental blank spots we characterize as “obsession” – as “insanity” – as a peculiar mental twist that precedes the first drink that sets off the physical craving. Only real alcoholics.

“If a sufficiently strong reason – ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor – becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.” (21:0)

These types don’t need AA. They need to stop drinking. AA is for people who CAN’T stop drinking!

There is not need to berate or denigrate those in the rooms who use “human aid” like meetings, fellowship and slogans to stay sober. Most of them won’t be around long anyway. It takes an average five years for most problem drinkers to figure out that they had power over alcoholic all along and leave the fellowship. But I really get a little shook up when, during their tour, they sink the boats some of our own by insisting that how THEY stay sober is somehow also suited to the real alcoholic.

It isn’t.

Hell, I know people who have been attending meetings for decades who don’t even KNOW that there IS such a thing as a “Real alcoholic”. They probably haven’t read our Book too carefully. But heck, they probably don’t really need to.

SEE: (Fear Sobers a Bit)

Peace,

Danny S

Duality

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were no duality in AA - if those who are able to stay sober through their own will – “Don’t drink no matter what!” had never come along to water down the AA message?

But alas, it HAS happened – and the B side of the dichotomy has made the entire fellowship top heavy.

Now the harm to newcomers who do not HAVE the luxury of that self-willed option are so far flung within once unified Fellowship that who know if it will ever come back to the 75% success rate of the past.

Instead of unity being measured by how well we stick to our Primary Purpose, it is measured by how well the coffee commitment gets delegated or a consensus on how many new chairs to buy or how late the business meeting goes without disagreement. Is that a true measure of unity when “Sobriety — freedom from alcohol — through the teaching and practice of the Twelve Steps, is the sole purpose of an AA group.”?

One way might be to leave out the “Go to meetings” part of that disgusting chant and limit to private conversations – NOT in meetings where a real alkie looking for a solution might hear and try it it’s because it so easy when compared to the alternatives: “One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.” (25:3)

A new one third alternative it seems might be, “Don’t drink … and go to rehab”. Or even, “Don’t drink . . . and GO TO WORK!” LOL – or the favorite, “Don’t drink and get your love life back.”

Then at least they can get on with their lives and we ours. But if they choose the rehab solution, then the rehab folks will only tell them to “Go to meetings” all over again – and they are chanting “Don’t drink and go to meetings” all over again. What a mess!

But lest I be accuse of being a harbinger of negativity – there does seem to be a solution to the mess. I shall post it in a future blog.

Peace,

Danny S

Misery Loves Company

There’s a whole breed of folks today who like to say that they, “Go to meetings to hear what happens to people who don’t go to meetings.”

Does that sound a little sick to you? I mean, what kind of a person lives off of — and looks forward to — the misery of others? When did AA become a society of parasites?

In a small way it sort of reminds me of the NASCAR fan theory where fans flock to races not to rejoice with the winners but to take pleasure in the potential and actual wipe outs, injuries and suffering of others. You know . . . just having to look at the train wreck – there’s a sick pleasure in it for some. I happen to LOVE NASCAR racing -but I am one of those folks who get into the whole race – the car, driver and race histories – the particular race issues.

This brings to mind page 52. Most alcoholics I know can identify with what we call the “bedevilments”. I had opportunity just last night to look at these with a newly sober alcoholic at a treatment center. We laughed together just reading it as she blushed with total recognition. This is a common response. It accurately described the way she lives – the way we ALL live until we discover the truth about our malady, decide to do something about it and then vigorously pursue the solution.

If your Book is inconvenient (or your too lazy) here they are:

1. We were having trouble with personal relationships,
2. we couldn’t control our emotional natures,
3. we were a prey to misery and depression,
4. we couldn’t make a living,
5. we had a feeling of uselessness,
6. we were full of fear,
7. we were unhappy,
8. we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people

My life was rife with every one of these – before AND AFTER I came to AA and became an ardent “Meeting Maker”. Just “showing up” is no panacea for misery I tell you.

Today that has been turned around 180 degrees – because I have recovered and when that happens we become God reliant instead – and so I don’t go to meetings looking for fellow commiserates with whom to identify and feel better.

These days I don’t HAVE to identify with another suffering alcoholic. I already went through that alcoholic identification when I was first twelve Stepped into the Fellowship of the Spirit by a man who was armed with the facts about himself – who KNEW something about alcoholism and KNEW how to tell me about it.

Now “Still suffering” alcoholics have to identify with ME! — So THEY can recover from WHAT I HAVE to bring to THEM!

I have ALREADY recovered and received my gift! Recovered folks such as myself identify with these bedevilments of the past and one of the reasons we seem so grateful after we recover is that although we recognize them – was also know that they are no longer integral posts of our existence, like they were before.

This is a wonderful lesson one can learn and practice out of the Big Book, “Alcoholics “. When just “reading” it – this is not be so apparent – but it DOES become operative once someone practices the few simple “RULES” detailed so precisely in that book. It is a well written and detailed set of proposals that becomes a new design for living.

Everyone has some sort of “Design for living” - whether they admit it or not. We tend to THINK we are free from such, when it is based upon self – but one thing I’ve learned is that we can also be SLAVES TO SELF. That is not freedom.

The Twelve Step design is different than that most of us live under because it is totally altruistic and ego deflating – and from that comes true freedom.

Un-recovered alcoholics can find themselves constantly looking for more out of their lives – discontent – going from meeting to meeting and listening for a new “Happy-thought” du jour - we can take with us so we can feel good about our lives – so we can forget that we are living on page 52 of the Big Book. God forbid.

Peace,

Danny S

Keep It Green

Last summer I was with my buddy Myers R. from Dallas and we were speaking in Denmark at an AA Big Book conference there. (What a wonderful place – just FULL of Big Book thirsty AAs.) See Taliban Loose In AArhus

As I spoke one morning I mentioned the slogan, “Keep It Green” – poking holes in it of course. No sooner had I simply uttered the words “Keep It Green” and audience burst out laughing – as if I had just given the punch line to a good joke. I didn’t think much of it. (I did check my fly just to be safe.)

Several minutes later I said the expression again and once again the faces lit up and the chuckling started up.

I had to stop the talk and ask, “What the heck is so funny about “keep it green?” It seemed an odd response, I thought, beyond my simple poking fun at it.

“Is it a cultural thing?” I asked – and all the heads nodded in the affirmative. I never did find out what was so funny about it – I just forgot to ask – but apparently Scandinavians, or at least Danes, find the phrase, “Keep It Green”, amusing. Hopefully someone will clue me in one day. I hope it doesn’t mean something like – “Shove it up your ass” or something worse. You risk these things when speaking abroad. If anyone knows please tell me – so if I ever get invited back I don’t embarrass myself. Or worse, insult anyone!

Anyway, I was reading Bill’s Story again this morning. I am so glad to hear Bill totally renounce “Keep it Green” in his account.

Although it is done repeatedly throughout the Big Book, (page 8) here it is as clear a day. Fear of drinking and remembering how bad it was with slogans like “Keep it Green” has never played much of a role in keeping me sober.

Although I understand it has been a great strategy for some types of problem drinkers, I just have not at times been able to bring into my memory – with enough force – the pain and embarrassment of even a day, a week or a month prior, let along any longer than that

When I was out there doing my thing, when it came time to drink, I would sometimes think back, and “Where I came from” just never seemed all that bad to me. Certainly not bad enough to stop me from drinking.

Past experience with drinking WAS of course very bad – but still being of an alcoholic mind, I somehow managed to convince myself that this time it would be different. Of course it was not. In fact it became progressively worse.

As a defense against that next first-drink, some of these slogans have failed me too often, so I am not an especially big fan of “Keeping it green“.

But I understand that these little tricks work well for some types. I just could never get it work for me as a real alcoholic. I do not know of ANY real alcoholics for whom this has worked well enough to be considered part of a viable plan for sobriety.

If remembering how “bad it was out there” was sufficient to keep me sober – then why the HELL would I want to get involved with AA? I would simply “Think the drink through” and move on! But that is the luxury of the hard drinker – not a real alkie like me. See “Keeping it Green can lead to more drinking?”

Peace,

Danny S

H.A.L.T

This is a rerun article from October 2006. I am chaperoning a bunch to 4th graders to the Museum of Science in Boston today so I’m taking another day off from writing this week. Have a great day!

I’ve been going though a copy of “The Akron Intergroup News”, dated December 1998 on the subject of relapse – especially with regard to members having long term sobriety.

“Telling a new AA member to call us before picking up the first drink is excellent advice – but it almost never works for those who no longer have deep cravings for alcohol, because in a subtle, insidious way, they have entered into a private period (weeks, maybe even months) of irrational thinking about their lives, work, this program, loved ones, hobbies, the government or other drivers!

The picking up of the drink is NOT the beginning of a relapse – it comes at the END of the relapse.

1. Exhaustion – Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.”

Remember, the Akron Newsletter is not saying that exhaustion is a CAUSE of a relapse. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired as triggers for relapse does NOT apply – not for recovered alcoholics.

It IS saying that being exhausted and overly tired might be a “sign” that an alcoholic, even one with long term sobriety is headed for trouble.

So where can we look in order to be helpful to such a person?

The answer, of course can be found in the Big Book:

“We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.” (88:0)

So chances are, if we (Or someone to whom we are trying to be helpful) is tired and burned out all the time, they are not following Step Eleven as laid out.

They are not getting the Step Eleven promise of not tiring easily and they are inefficient.

We can ask them,

“Listen Joe, when agitated or doubtful, throughout your day . . . have you been pausing and asking God for the right thought or action. Do you constantly remind your self that you are no longer running the show, humbly saying to yourself many times each day “Thy will be done.”?

We can bet that the answer will be “no”. (And he’ll think your a freakin‘ genius or a clairvoyant for seeing through his balking.)

Now we have something to work with – we know where the current balk is and can do something about it to re-establish this part of Step eleven – becoming better disciplined – not SELF discipline – that has never worked for us. But GOD disciplined.

It is there for the asking, but we still have to ask.

Another telltale sign that someone may be headed for a relapse – losing his daily reprieve for failure to maintenance the spiritual condition – is DISHONESTY. I’ll do another blog on that soon, maybe this weekend.

Peace,

Danny S