The Divorced Alkie Will Drink – No Matter What

Calm down – not marital “divorce” – SPIRITUAL Divorce!

To the average Pop-AA devotee, the worst possible thing that an AA can do is drink. Not me. Drinking is NOT the worst thing. The worst thing I can do is give up my relationship with my Creator.

That probably will RESULT in drinking – and a lot more other horrendous behaviors too – but drinking is certainly not the be all and end all of this recovery deal.

Liquor is “but a symptom” (64:0) – a mere bag of shells – an indication of another far more serious problem – spiritual sickness that stems from our own resentments.

When a protegee tells me that they have “slipped” it is usually while we are working together on the Steps. My reaction is always the same, “NO SHIT!” I say. Why? Because it is not beyond expectation.

He is after all still suffering from a spiritual malady – a self imposed divorce from God.

Real alcoholics will drink, no matter what, until such time as their spiritual awakening and that is NOT “Upon arrival” in the Fellowship. “Just showing up” is not a treatment for alcoholism.

I have noticed that when a protegee is steadfast in wanting to stop drinking and change his life then right after Step Three – immediately after vowing to God that we will now turn our lives and wills over to Him in a process we call Steps Four through Twelve – there seems to come a sort “grace period” – as if God is keeping us safe from alcoholic obsession in this interim – that period of time prior to the spiritual awakening.

Others, just seem to be “Free agents” until that awakening occurs – and IT DOES – usually somewhere in and around Steps Five through Seven.

Some of these “free agents” drink. I don’t consider it a big deal. It’s to be expected because that’s what real alcoholics do – they DRINK – NO MATTER WHAT. Until they have recovered through the awakening transformation from one type of character into another.

It’s NOT because they aren’t going to enough meetings, or making coffee or calling their sponsor, or have a Home Group. Those are the POP-AA tools of sobriety. We are concerned with “Spiritual Tools” – not weak, human hand forged implements reserved for people with “A drinking problem”.

When that happens we just keep forging ahead to get him there This is why we try to get a newcomer through this process as fast as possible – none of that “Step a Year” bull-dinky or whatever other procrastination techniques we too often hear. This person life and the well being and health of an entire family might be at stake. It IS a RACE!

Pretending to know how much time a newcomer has before that next first-drink obsession is going to hit him broadside is just plain arrogance. Yet we hear it all the time don’t we? Yes, from meeting dependent AAs who HAVE power over alcohol.

You know the ones – the Jugheads. Those who “Put the plug in the jug“ to stay sober and in saying that ADMIT openly that they are not real alcoholics since they HAVE power over alcohol.

Not me or the men I sponsor. I don’t sponsor Jugheads. they have the luxury of another, less drastic, easier-softer solution.

We are POWERLESS until such time as a the spiritual comes to remove the obsession.

Peace,

Danny s

The Divorced Alkie Will Drink – No Matter What

Calm down – not marital “divorce” – SPIRITUAL Divorce!

To the average Pop-AA devotee, the worst possible thing that an AA can do is drink. Not me. Drinking is NOT the worst thing. The worst thing I can do is give up my relationship with my Creator.

That probably will RESULT in drinking – and a lot more other horrendous behaviors too – but drinking is certainly not the be all and end all of this recovery deal.

Liquor is “but a symptom” (64:0) – a mere bag of shells – an indication of another far more serious problem – spiritual sickness that stems from our own resentments.

When a protegee tells me that they have “slipped” it is usually while we are working together on the Steps. My reaction is always the same, “NO SHIT!” I say. Why? Because it is not beyond expectation.

He is after all still suffering from a spiritual malady – a self imposed divorce from God.

Real alcoholics will drink, no matter what, until such time as their spiritual awakening and that is NOT “Upon arrival” in the Fellowship. “Just showing up” is not a treatment for alcoholism.

I have noticed that when a protegee is steadfast in wanting to stop drinking and change his life then right after Step Three – immediately after vowing to God that we will now turn our lives and wills over to Him in a process we call Steps Four through Twelve – there seems to come a sort “grace period” – as if God is keeping us safe from alcoholic obsession in this interim – that period of time prior to the spiritual awakening.

Others, just seem to be “Free agents” until that awakening occurs – and IT DOES – usually somewhere in and around Steps Five through Seven.

Some of these “free agents” drink. I don’t consider it a big deal. It’s to be expected because that’s what real alcoholics do – they DRINK – NO MATTER WHAT. Until they have recovered through the awakening transformation from one type of character into another.

It’s NOT because they aren’t going to enough meetings, or making coffee or calling their sponsor, or have a Home Group. Those are the POP-AA tools of sobriety. We are concerned with “Spiritual Tools” – not weak, human hand forged implements reserved for people with “A drinking problem”.

When that happens we just keep forging ahead to get him there This is why we try to get a newcomer through this process as fast as possible – none of that “Step a Year” bull-dinky or whatever other procrastination techniques we too often hear. This person life and the well being and health of an entire family might be at stake. It IS a RACE!

Pretending to know how much time a newcomer has before that next first-drink obsession is going to hit him broadside is just plain arrogance. Yet we hear it all the time don’t we? Yes, from meeting dependent AAs who HAVE power over alcohol.

You know the ones – the Jugheads. Those who “Put the plug in the jug“ to stay sober and in saying that ADMIT openly that they are not real alcoholics since they HAVE power over alcohol.

Not me or the men I sponsor. I don’t sponsor Jugheads. they have the luxury of another, less drastic, easier-softer solution.

We are POWERLESS until such time as a the spiritual comes to remove the obsession.

Peace,

Danny s

H.A.L.T

This is a rerun article from October 2006. I am chaperoning a bunch to 4th graders to the Museum of Science in Boston today so I’m taking another day off from writing this week. Have a great day!

I’ve been going though a copy of “The Akron Intergroup News”, dated December 1998 on the subject of relapse – especially with regard to members having long term sobriety.

“Telling a new AA member to call us before picking up the first drink is excellent advice – but it almost never works for those who no longer have deep cravings for alcohol, because in a subtle, insidious way, they have entered into a private period (weeks, maybe even months) of irrational thinking about their lives, work, this program, loved ones, hobbies, the government or other drivers!

The picking up of the drink is NOT the beginning of a relapse – it comes at the END of the relapse.

1. Exhaustion – Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.”

Remember, the Akron Newsletter is not saying that exhaustion is a CAUSE of a relapse. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired as triggers for relapse does NOT apply – not for recovered alcoholics.

It IS saying that being exhausted and overly tired might be a “sign” that an alcoholic, even one with long term sobriety is headed for trouble.

So where can we look in order to be helpful to such a person?

The answer, of course can be found in the Big Book:

“We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.” (88:0)

So chances are, if we (Or someone to whom we are trying to be helpful) is tired and burned out all the time, they are not following Step Eleven as laid out.

They are not getting the Step Eleven promise of not tiring easily and they are inefficient.

We can ask them,

“Listen Joe, when agitated or doubtful, throughout your day . . . have you been pausing and asking God for the right thought or action. Do you constantly remind your self that you are no longer running the show, humbly saying to yourself many times each day “Thy will be done.”?

We can bet that the answer will be “no”. (And he’ll think your a freakin‘ genius or a clairvoyant for seeing through his balking.)

Now we have something to work with – we know where the current balk is and can do something about it to re-establish this part of Step eleven – becoming better disciplined – not SELF discipline – that has never worked for us. But GOD disciplined.

It is there for the asking, but we still have to ask.

Another telltale sign that someone may be headed for a relapse – losing his daily reprieve for failure to maintenance the spiritual condition – is DISHONESTY. I’ll do another blog on that soon, maybe this weekend.

Peace,

Danny S

Just Pull the Trigger

Just the other day I heard of a guy who was apprehensive about taking the coffee & donut job in his Home Group because the confectioners sugar on the doughnuts reminded him of cocaine and he feared those donuts would “Trigger” him. I am not kidding!!

If this seem reasonable to you – PLEASE learn about alcoholism and “Our description of the alcoholic” and the promises of the tenth step.

In the meantime:

The first thing I would wonder is, “Hey Zeke, why are you buying doughnuts for an AA group if you are a cocaine addict? Should’nt you be doing service in a CA meeting? It’s a wonderful Fellowship!”

BUT of course he may ALSO be an alcoholic and therefore fully qualified as a member of AA. But it would be a fair question.

But in speaking of “Triggers” – which I always THOUGHT was just the name of a dead horse – simply cross out the word “Triggers” and replace it with “Excuses” and I think we may be getting closer to the truth of what happens to folks.

Takes the bullshit “mystery” wind right out the treatment center sails – doesn’t it?

That’s where “Triggers” come from – treatment centers. Not AA. Nowhere in The Big Book!

If there is something – anything – in my environment that I could change or do that will keep me away from a drink – that means I HAVE POWER over it, does it not?

We learn and realize (If it applies to us) that alcoholism “Centers in the mind”! (23:2) We will NEVER be led to believe, by the co-authors of this Book, that alcoholism centers in the donuts, or the disco, or the wedding reception or the smell of sawdust or slip under the skirt. If will not even be remotely implied.

We will be told that an un-recovered alcoholic STILL has an “alcoholic mind” – a very specific term they use to refer to one thing: Obsession. Or “Insanity” if you prefer. Agree of disagree – like it or not – that’s the way they describe it. And boy are they consistent with it.

After we recover there are no “Triggers” to set us off like an over wound spring just waiting to be tripped. There are ALWAYS plenty of EXCUSES available – real or imagined – recovered or not – but since we are sane when we recover, we never act on them anymore – even if we could, we don’t. It’s a miracle.

Losing ones job is a GREAT reason to drink – for a non-alcoholic. Because he can survive after he’s done. For an alkie, it’s an excuse – and threadbare at that considering the results that always ensure he will be CRAVING more. He may not survive – and is insane – so he drinks anyway.

Peace,

Danny S

What Are Slips?

This is from AAs General Service Office Website:

“What are ‘slips’?

Occasionally a man or women who has been sober through A.A. will get drunk. In A.A. a relapse of this type is commonly known as a “slip.” It may occur during the first few weeks or months of sobriety or after the alcoholic has been dry a number of years.
Nearly all A.A.s who have been through this experience say that slips can be traced to specific causes. They deliberately forgot that they had admitted they were alcoholics and got overconfident about their ability to handle alcohol. Or they stayed away from A.A. meetings or from informal association with other A.A.s. Or they let themselves become too involved with business or social affairs to remember the importance of being sober. Or they let themselves become tired and were caught with their mental and emotional defenses down. In other words, most “slips” don’t just happen.”

Notice some of GSO’s characterizations or “reasons” for a “slip”:
“they let themselves become tired and were caught with their mental and emotional defenses down”

CRIKEY! (A moment of silence please) – In the Big Book we learn that “Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.” (43:3)

AND

“They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all.” (42:0)

AND

“We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures” (52:2)

If mental defenses and emotions are things we CANNOT CONTROL, as our co-founders tell us, then how can our “letting down” these defenses be responsible for a “slip”?

If we could control these things and if they were responsible for our problem, would we not have solved our problem long ago? So you see what we are up against folks – when our own Central Office has a website that proposes concepts 180 degrees opposite to our own Program.

GSO does not speak for AA as a whole. Please remember that. But unfortunately someone’s voice at GSO often apparently does, if unofficially, represent the thinking of the fellowship as a whole, even when it contradicts our Program of recovery.

Crap like this ought to be brought to the attention of your Area Delegates folks. You do know who that is, right? You have his/her number. Right?

Right!

Peace,

Danny S