Drinking or Not

Because of the selfish and self-centered way I perceived and interacted with other people, my entire life, behaviors, attitudes and emotions just made me uncomfortable (in my skin), and I sought a cure. This is a symptom of the spiritual malady the big Book talks about as opposed to the physical malady. Alcohol was my solution, not my problem.

Even though I was “In AA” and “Going to meetings” – had a sponsor, had a home group, was putting away the chairs, making the coffee, driving drunks to meetings and rehabs, and managed to gave decent sound bytes in meetings that “Sounded good” I was not growing toward the spiritual solution to my problem – and so remained spiritually blocked by self-centered fears.
One excellent reference, although there are many, is found in the Big Book (52:2) where they describe the INNER un-manageability as “having trouble with personal relationships, not being able to control their emotional natures, being a prey to misery and depression, not being able to make a living, a feeling useless, being full of fear, being unhappy, and not seeming to be of real help to other people.”

There are other descriptions of the inner condition that happens if an alcoholic does NOT deal with this spiritual malady, but this paragraph describes it well enough. I sometimes hear these referred to as the “Bedevilments“.

The spiritual malady wreaks its havoc while drinking and while “Not drinking” – or in other words, whether we are drinking OR NOT! I think we all must know a few AAs – sometimes dry for many years – spouting snappy Fellowship one-liners and yet, still mad as hatters.

Peace,

Danny S