Alcoholism – Folded, Spindled and Mutated

Part II
(Final of Two Parts)
See PART I

This dissertation has clearly separated the two maladies. Then let’s look solely at one of those maladies – the “spiritual illness.” spoken of in the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous”

Remember that spiritual illness and alcoholism are not one and the same – not according to the co-authors. They write of these as TWO separate illnesses described in the Big Book – never “folding” the three into a Three Fold Disease.

We can lose that asinine, entirely inaccurate and dangerous phrase from our vocabulary entirely – and we had better. It’s got nothing to do with AA, the Twelve Steps or the Big Book. And steers newcomers off in a direction where they may NEVER be able to concede to their innermost selves that they are alcoholic.

How can they? They haven’t understood what it is they might otherwise admit, if only they had learned the AAs “description of the alcoholic” .

I can tell you that I am a deltiologist but that is meaningless to anyone – even me, since I have no idea what that is. Not a clue. Didn’t even click on the link I just pasted and even if I am one – I have no basis for telling you that I am one.

Anyone who puts there hand up in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous – says, “I am an alcoholic” and cannot give “Our description of the Alcoholic“ is full of shit.

They might BE alcoholic but having no basis for making the claim other than they “have a problem with alcohol” then yes, they are full of it. I will tell you that most – MOST – folks don’t fit the description. I am sorry to say it.

Being spiritually sick is not limited to alcoholics. Lots of people are spiritually ill and are NOT alcoholics. While all alcoholics are spiritually sick – not all those spiritually sick are alcoholics. Now comes the Japanese problem with the words. Spirituality in Japan can mean a lot of different things. Our society is largely based upon monotheistic Judeo-Christian beliefs. We tend to personify and limit our thought of God as one single being and have no similarities with Bukkyo or Shinto thinking. Probably Shinkyo or Katorikku come closest – if my understanding of those are correct. *

The words used by the co-authors are a reflection of their understanding of theological concepts and for them that means “Christian”. The Twelve Steps are deeply rooted in the precepts and concepts of the first Century Christianity movement adopted by the Oxfords. So when the co-authors of the Big Book speak of spiritual illness they mean a human being who does not have a conscious contact with a single God. Like it or not, that’s what they meant.

It IS a God of one’s own understanding – not because they wanted to be sure to include all other monotheistic folks, but because they realized that it is impossible for any one person to have a compete or accurate mental concept of God since God is beyond all human understanding. No one is right or wring about how we individually may characterize God except that we all acknowledge omnipotence and singularity.

So what is “spiritually sick?” There can be forms of it – but whatever the ways that spiritual sickness may manifest itself in people, we are concerned with whatever form will now be healed and with that healing also take away our particular problem with alcohol – MENTAL OBSESSION/INSANITY. We are now to become sane.

So it is simple: Not having God consciousness and a relationship with that God. That’s it!

This separation from God (spiritual malady) is the result of “Resentment”. It doesn’t come from “not attending church” or “attending the wrong church“ or “disobeying parents” or “eating the wrong foods” or anything else except THAT ONE THING: RESENTMENT.

“Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.” (63:3)

Understanding this and being willing to deal with resentment it is the key to the door we have ourselves placed a lock – back to God. Resentment separates us from God by it’s very nature because when we are resentful we are “playing God” - and there can only be ONE GOD.

Let me explain that. If I work for you as an employees in a shoe store and we sell shoes – then I sell a pair of shoes which I myself have made and intend to keep the entire proceeds, then I have separated myself from you, my boss, to become my own boss. I am no longer in your employ and I lose all benefits you provide.

The same for resentment. When we resent we are judging. We are condemning someone or judging something as “bad”. We are then claiming the knowledge of “good and evil” and deciding who is guilty an who is innocent in the courtroom of planet earth. That is a judges job. And in the scheme of the universe it is the prerogative of a God. By resenting therefore we are PLAYING GOD and effectively separating ourselves from Him when we do that. NOW WE ARE SPIRITUALLY ILL!

Anyone who resents in any moment has separated himself from God in that moment. What the Twelve Step help us do is discover a fix for resentments so we can remain close to Him. That is all there is to it.

Once we recover from spiritual disease we recover from the OTHER malady TOO – that being alcoholism – and we are free to live life freely, “Assuming we are spiritually fit,” or no longer spiritually ill. ” we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status.” (100:4)

“When the spiritual malady is overcome,” – that’s one malady – being spiritually sickened – “we straighten out mentally and physically.” - that’s the other malady – alcoholism.

Spiritual illness is not the same as the problem we call alcoholism – but spiritual wellness IS the solution!

How do I know when I am “coming down” with a spiritual “flu”? That’s easy! Here are some of the symptoms – they suck, big time!

1. We were having trouble with personal relationships,
2. we couldn’t control our emotional natures,
3. we were a prey to misery and depression,
4. we couldn’t make a living,
5. we had a feeling of uselessness,
6. we were full of fear,
7. we were unhappy,
8. we couldn’t seem to be of real help to other people (All on page 52)

And let’s add a big “BECAUSE” to the end of each and every one of these. “Because I am selfish and self-centered” – and when I am not – then these bedevilments do not manifest in my life.

Peace,

Danny S

*Portions of this article have been extrapolated out of a letter to a reader in Tokyo who wanted clarification on “spiritual illness”.

Playing God

If I look up the word “Resent” it turns out the Latin word “Sentir” means “To feel” , and when I put a “Re” in front of any word, it means “Again” , so the word resent means “To feel again”.

Once someone wrongs me in some way I usually feel some sort of negative response. If I am on “Top of my game” it just rolls off me like water off a ducks back. But then after a while, after I have reviewed in my mind what happened – and have felt the anger or anxiety again, I shift to the next step, which is resentment.

I’m feeling it again even though it isn’t really happening again. If my guard is down, and as a non-saint this happens frequently, the first little twinge of annoyance, anger or frustration gets the “Playback” in my head, I feel it again - and it is a resentment. A fatal condition for an alcoholic.

Even worse, as I playback the real or imagined harm done to me in my head, I become less and less involved in the incident and the OTHER guy becomes guiltier and guiltier.

Now it is easy for me to see that a resentment is a JUDGEMENT TOO! I am judging who’s good and who’s evil just like a God might do. I am “Playing God”. In my mind, I AM GOD. And there can be no god who is a power greater than I – while I am He.

Sometimes I can let an incident go without moving into resentment, but as a self-centered alcoholic, that can be difficult since drunks like to keep score of these things so to bring it back up later. Maybe to get even or play a little one-ups-manship.

So this is why my 4th Step Inventory resentment list is so long. I had been operating in this fashion for forty years. And if these type of little incidents are happening in my life day in and day out for that long – well, there is no way my resentment list could be anything but a LOOONG LIST.

By the way can you imagine how worn out my body would be getting – what with all this reenacting of events over and over -that aren’t even happening anymore? If my body is producing adrenalin. If my muscles are tensing – my brain biochemical actions are pulsing like crazy and I am preparing for “Fight or Fight” – meanwhile all I am really doing is driving down the road in my car or quietly fuming over a cup of Latte at Starbucks . . .

. . . it’s no wonder so many of us get so old and ugly before our time.

Our bodies get worn out like overused door hinges. You old haggard folks – aging poorly – who are forty and look sixty – might know what I am talking about. If you are honest. It ain’t all from the bottle baby. Alcohol didn’t do it to you. YOU did it to you – and you are dying from the inside out!

Peace,

Danny S

Playing God

If I look up the word “Resent” it turns out the Latin word “Sentir” means “To feel” , and when I put a “Re” in front of any word, it means “Again” , so the word resent means “To feel again”.

Once someone wrongs me in some way I usually feel some sort of negative response. If I am on “Top of my game” it just rolls off me like water off a ducks back. But then after a while, after I have reviewed in my mind what happened – and have felt the anger or anxiety again, I shift to the next step, which is resentment.

I’m feeling it again even though it isn’t really happening again. If my guard is down, and as a non-saint this happens frequently, the first little twinge of annoyance, anger or frustration gets the “Playback” in my head, I feel it again - and it is a resentment. A fatal condition for an alcoholic.

Even worse, as I playback the real or imagined harm done to me in my head, I become less and less involved in the incident and the OTHER guy becomes guiltier and guiltier.

Now it is easy for me to see that a resentment is a JUDGEMENT TOO! I am judging who’s good and who’s evil just like a God might do. I am “Playing God”. In my mind, I AM GOD. And there can be no god who is a power greater than I – while I am He.

Sometimes I can let an incident go without moving into resentment, but as a self-centered alcoholic, that can be difficult since drunks like to keep score of these things so to bring it back up later. Maybe to get even or play a little one-ups-manship.

So this is why my 4th Step Inventory resentment list is so long. I had been operating in this fashion for forty years. And if these type of little incidents are happening in my life day in and day out for that long – well, there is no way my resentment list could be anything but a LOOONG LIST.

By the way can you imagine how worn out my body would be getting – what with all this reenacting of events over and over -that aren’t even happening anymore? If my body is producing adrenalin. If my muscles are tensing – my brain biochemical actions are pulsing like crazy and I am preparing for “Fight or Fight” – meanwhile all I am really doing is driving down the road in my car or quietly fuming over a cup of Latte at Starbucks . . .

. . . it’s no wonder so many of us get so old and ugly before our time.

Our bodies get worn out like overused door hinges. You old haggard folks – aging poorly – who are forty and look sixty – might know what I am talking about. If you are honest. It ain’t all from the bottle baby. Alcohol didn’t do it to you. YOU did it to you – and you are dying from the inside out!

Peace,

Danny S

Resentment Prayer

The “resentment prayer” on page 66-67 is a noble sounding prayer, as are most prayers, but in order for the spiritual effect of the prayer to be at all effective, I have to first be very aware of what is in my inventory.

By the time we are doing our fourth step we are supposed to be seeing ourselves in a light which we perhaps have never seen. We are looking at all of the things which have caused us to have great negative, emotional responses which have been burning us up, causing us to harm others, being so self absorbed that we are necessarily blocked off from God.

When I viewed these honestly, thoroughly in black and white, there was an overwhelming and clear preponderance of evidence that they ALL point to my defects. We have indeed gotten the ball rolling. It cannot be argued, the facts overpower the excuses.

When this was revealed to me, it became impossible to continue hating someone for character defects I myself also have. I was able to have compassion and even become willing to come helpful to them. I was forgiving them THEIR trespasses at the same time that I was realizing forgiveness for mine. The key is the realization that they, like ourselves, were sick too. (67:0)

Peace,

Danny S

Playing God

If I look up the word “Resent” it turns out the Latin word “Sentir” means “To feel” , and when I put a “Re” in front of any word, it means “Again” , so the word resent means “To feel again”.

Once someone wrongs me in some way I usually feel some sort of negative response. If I am on “Top of my game” it just rolls off me like water off a ducks back. But then after a while, after I have reviewed in my mind what happened – and have felt the anger or anxiety again, I shift to the next step, which is resentment.

I’m feeling it again even though it isn’t really happening again. If my guard is down, and as a non-saint this happens frequently, the first little twinge of annoyance, anger or frustration gets the “Playback” in my head, I feel it again - and it is a resentment. A fatal condition for an alcoholic.

Even worse, as I playback the real or imagined harm done to me in my head, I become less and less involved in the incident and the OTHER guy person becomes guiltier and guiltier. Now it is easy for me to see that a resentment is a JUDGEMENT TOO! I am judging who’s good and who’s evil just like a God might do. I am “Playing God”. In my mind, I AM GOD. And there can be no god in my life while I am He.

Sometimes though I can let an incident go without moving into resentment, but as a self-centered alcoholic, that can be difficult since drunks like to keep score of these things so bring it back up later and maybe get even.

So this is why my resentment list is so long. I had been operating in this fashion for 40 years, and if these type of little incidents happening in my life day in and day out for 40 years, there is no way my resentment list could be anything but a LOOONG LIST.

By the way can you imagine how worn out my body is getting – what with all this reenacting of an event over and over that isn’t even happening anymore. My body is producing adrenalin, my muscles are tensing – I am preparing for “flight or fight” and all I am doing is driving down the road in my car. It’s no wonder so many of us get old before our time. Out bodies are worn out like overused door hinges. You old haggard folks – aging poorly – might know what I am talking about. If you are honest. You are dying.

Peace,

Danny S