H.A.L.T

This is a rerun article from October 2006. I am chaperoning a bunch to 4th graders to the Museum of Science in Boston today so I’m taking another day off from writing this week. Have a great day!

I’ve been going though a copy of “The Akron Intergroup News”, dated December 1998 on the subject of relapse – especially with regard to members having long term sobriety.

“Telling a new AA member to call us before picking up the first drink is excellent advice – but it almost never works for those who no longer have deep cravings for alcohol, because in a subtle, insidious way, they have entered into a private period (weeks, maybe even months) of irrational thinking about their lives, work, this program, loved ones, hobbies, the government or other drivers!

The picking up of the drink is NOT the beginning of a relapse – it comes at the END of the relapse.

1. Exhaustion – Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.”

Remember, the Akron Newsletter is not saying that exhaustion is a CAUSE of a relapse. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired as triggers for relapse does NOT apply – not for recovered alcoholics.

It IS saying that being exhausted and overly tired might be a “sign” that an alcoholic, even one with long term sobriety is headed for trouble.

So where can we look in order to be helpful to such a person?

The answer, of course can be found in the Big Book:

“We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.” (88:0)

So chances are, if we (Or someone to whom we are trying to be helpful) is tired and burned out all the time, they are not following Step Eleven as laid out.

They are not getting the Step Eleven promise of not tiring easily and they are inefficient.

We can ask them,

“Listen Joe, when agitated or doubtful, throughout your day . . . have you been pausing and asking God for the right thought or action. Do you constantly remind your self that you are no longer running the show, humbly saying to yourself many times each day “Thy will be done.”?

We can bet that the answer will be “no”. (And he’ll think your a freakin‘ genius or a clairvoyant for seeing through his balking.)

Now we have something to work with – we know where the current balk is and can do something about it to re-establish this part of Step eleven – becoming better disciplined – not SELF discipline – that has never worked for us. But GOD disciplined.

It is there for the asking, but we still have to ask.

Another telltale sign that someone may be headed for a relapse – losing his daily reprieve for failure to maintenance the spiritual condition – is DISHONESTY. I’ll do another blog on that soon, maybe this weekend.

Peace,

Danny S

What About Old-timers Who Relapse?

I’ve been going though a copy of “The Akron Intergroup News”, dated December 1998 on the subject of relapse – especially with regard to members having long term sobriety.

Telling a new AA member to call us before picking up the first drink is excellent advice. But it almost never works for those who no longer have deep cravings for alcohol, because in a subtle, insidious way, they have entered into a private period (weeks, maybe even months) of irrational thinking about their lives, work, this program, loved ones, hobbies, the government or other drivers!

The picking up of the drink is NOT the beginning of a relapse – it comes at the END of the relapse.

1. Exhaustion – Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.

Remember, the Akron Newsletter is not saying that exhaustion is a CAUSE of a relapse. Hungy Angry Lonly Tired as triggers for relapse does NOT apply – not for recovered alcoholics.

It IS saying that being exhausted and overly tired might be a “sign” that an alcoholic, even one with long term sobriety is headed for trouble.

So where can we look in order to be helpful to such a person?

The answer, of course can be found in the Big Book:

“We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.” (88:0)

So chances are, if we (Or someone to whom we are trying to be helpful) is tired and burned out all the time, they are not following Step Eleven as laid out.

They are not getting the Step Eleven promise of not tiring easily and they are inefficient.

We can ask them,

“Listen Izzy, when agitated or doubtful, throughout your day . . . have you been pausing and asking God for the right thought or action. Do you constantly remind your self that you are no longer running the show, humbly saying to yourself many times each day “Thy will be done.”?

We can bet that the answer will be “no”. (And he’ll think your a freakin’ genius or a clairvoyant for seeing through his balking.)

Now we have something to work with – we know where the current balk is and can do something about it to re-establish this part of Step eleven – becoming better disciplined – not SELF discipline – that has never worked for us. But GOD disciplined.

It is there for the asking, but we still have to ask.

Another telltale sign that someone may be headed for a relapse – losing his daily reprieve for failure to maintenance the spiritual condition – is DISHONESTY. I’ll do another blog on that soon, maybe this weekend.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com/

What Are Slips?

This is from AAs General Service Office Website:

“What are ‘slips’?

Occasionally a man or women who has been sober through A.A. will get drunk. In A.A. a relapse of this type is commonly known as a “slip.” It may occur during the first few weeks or months of sobriety or after the alcoholic has been dry a number of years.
Nearly all A.A.s who have been through this experience say that slips can be traced to specific causes. They deliberately forgot that they had admitted they were alcoholics and got overconfident about their ability to handle alcohol. Or they stayed away from A.A. meetings or from informal association with other A.A.s. Or they let themselves become too involved with business or social affairs to remember the importance of being sober. Or they let themselves become tired and were caught with their mental and emotional defenses down. In other words, most “slips” don’t just happen.”

Notice some of GSO’s characterizations or “reasons” for a “slip”:
“they let themselves become tired and were caught with their mental and emotional defenses down”

CRIKEY! (A moment of silence please) – In the Big Book we learn that “Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.” (43:3)

AND

“They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all.” (42:0)

AND

“We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures” (52:2)

If mental defenses and emotions are things we CANNOT CONTROL, as our co-founders tell us, then how can our “letting down” these defenses be responsible for a “slip”?

If we could control these things and if they were responsible for our problem, would we not have solved our problem long ago? So you see what we are up against folks – when our own Central Office has a website that proposes concepts 180 degrees opposite to our own Program.

GSO does not speak for AA as a whole. Please remember that. But unfortunately someone’s voice at GSO often apparently does, if unofficially, represent the thinking of the fellowship as a whole, even when it contradicts our Program of recovery.

Crap like this ought to be brought to the attention of your Area Delegates folks. You do know who that is, right? You have his/her number. Right?

Right!

Peace,

Danny S

Unfinished Amends

A warning about unfinished amends . . not only among those who never set out on this path, . . .

. . . (maybe who “read the Big Book” and “Go to Big Book meetings – but never take the Program wholly into their lives) . . .

. . . . but among those of us who otherwise are living this way of life – who carry this message – who are considered Big Book Thumpers – who pray and meditate everyday.

I work with many men. More than one has relapsed after having come this far from unfinished amends.

Very often, they were unwilling to buy the plane tickets. They were unwilling to drive the 8 hours and pay for a hotel room. They were unwilling to do whatever was necessary to pick up the phone, pickup the 8th step list and make the appointment and show up in person (Direct amends) to set right the wrongs they had done.

Often they thought amends was about mending fences, and gaining back the approvals of others long lost. It’s not. That’s self-centered amends-making.

There are people I needed to see and set right with – who thought and perhaps STILL think I’m a compete asshole. They couldn’t give a hoot about how spiritual I have become these days, or that my errors where while suffering from untreated alcoholism. They want they’re freakin‘ money back! THAT’S IT!

THAT is setting things right . . . RESTITUTION . . . not winning back affections or approval.

Needless to say, someone who has NEVER even set out on this path, who is still trying to “stay sober” by going to meetings and sharing and whatever else the middle-of-the-road folks are telling them to do – still may have mostly ALL of their amends unfinished . . .

. . . . but how many of us ON THE PATH won’t make it after a while, because all of the housecleaning has not been done fearlessly from the start? Perhaps five, ten even twenty years ago?

There isn’t really much ability to keep my house clean on a daily basis as long as all of the corners holding the dirt of the past haven’t been swept out fully and sometimes it is what has been hidden or simply ignored – under couches – that the we keep a secret that ensures we are have never been completely clean.

I know that when I had completed my amends, the difference between prayer and meditation before and after were astounding – to the point where I’d have to say I really couldn’t pray or meditate and if I went through the motions it was just that, because I hadn’t been unblocked from the Sunlight of the Spirit yet.

It was often like picking up a dead phone line – with no one on the other end talking back. Today God comes through – there is two-way communication – not just one way praying into a void.

If the blocks are still there, there can never be a meaningful Step Eleven – growing communication with God.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

Relapse "Therapy"

The following comes under the heading of “Relapse” as one of two “therapies” for alcoholism touted outside of the Fellowship of AA.

This is what they think of AA:

Psychotherapy and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy *

Interactional Group Psychotherapy (12-Step Program ). Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), founded in 1935, is an excellent example of interactional group psychotherapy and remains the most well-known program for helping people with alcoholism. It offers a very strong support network using group meetings open seven days a week in locations all over the world. A buddy system, group understanding of alcoholism, and forgiveness for relapses are AA’s standard methods for building self-worth and alleviating feelings of isolation. AA’s 12-step approach to recovery includes a spiritual component that might deter people who lack religious convictions. Prayer and meditation, however, have been known to be of great value in the healing process of many diseases, even in people with no particular religious assignation. AA emphasizes that the “higher power” component of its program need not refer to any specific belief system. Associated membership programs, Al-Anon and Alateen, offer help for family members and friends.” (Source:http://www.anguillanews.com/Healthinfo/alcohol.html)

So this is how AA is presented by “professionals” Does anyone see a problem here? AA is buddy system - that provides group therapy? That’s what the professional think. That’s what they teach their patients – and that’s what we are dealing with when we encounter relapsers being sent to us, once the “treatment money” is exhausted.

Is it no wonder that Step One is so darned difficult to administer and why we really need to look at Step One as a “deprogramming” Step as much as an “admission” step. Relapsers come to us thinking they are doing “the right thing” and if they run into one of us Program People, we are talking a language of powerlessness which is so foreign and contrary to the language guiding their current “hope” that…well, its just so difficult to get them to our side.

I like to remember that it is not the newcomer who is to blame for being so “hardheaded”.

I think I would be too, given a month or sets of months of indoctrination by “treatments” that are so diametrically opposed to what we in AA KNOW works.

This is compounded by plenty of AA’s within our Fellowship who have been schooled in exactly the same way, learning exactly the same things. It is easy to see why newcomers gravitate toward those people and what is already familiar and middle-of-the-road, isn’t it?………..

…………and we who rely upon God to solve our problem are viewed as oddballs in our own Fellowship?

Peace,

Danny S

*The other “therapy” is called “Psychotherapy and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy” which will be touched on in a later article – Part 2.