How Long Is Any Length?
Please skip this article if you are a “Pop-AA” sobriety hobbyist who uses meetings to stay sober One Day At A Time and who does not sponsor other alcoholics through the Twelve Steps.
This may not be a good day for you if you continue.
Some folks I run into take the following quote as the defining instruction for Step Ten:
“This thought* brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.” (84:2)
- and then invent their own method for doing it. That usually consists of some vague and occasional stepping up to the apology plate when they get into a conflict with someone and think that that is practicing Step Ten. It isn’t.
Step Ten is not as casual as the still self-centered, Pop-AA “not drinking today” AA club house member may prefer. Step Ten is very specific and well defined in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
If you are not already practicing these principles, I won’t make you go to the book- you probably haven’t cracked it in a long while – if ever, anyway. But here is the list of things that we who have adopted this new way of live do, everyday, for the rest of our lives:
“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.” This is the eternal vigilance of this way of life – “staying away from slippery places” is NOT vigilance – it’s still living in bondage and being a slave to alcohol.
” When these crop up,” (selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.)
- “we ask God at once to remove them.
- we discuss them with someone immediately and
- make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
- Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.” (84:2)
Chances are if you haven’t spoken to your sponsor, spiritual guide or mentor in a few days, then you are not practicing Step Ten, which is a part of “these principles in all our affairs) And if you think that you are ,then that is too bad for you – and even worse for the poor son-of-a-bitch who thinks that you are sponsoring him.
.
thanking Him at night”.
Talk about half-measures – man, that kind of “program” isn’t even a squirt in the Twelve Step Program pond!
It turned out that the co-founders and those who actually practiced this new way of life where doing much more. Not only were they praying and taking such actions mornings and nights, but they were doing it ALL-DAY LONG!
Holy Toledo! I thought that only Lubavitchers and Franciscan Monks did things like that – not regular guys like me! Boy was I wrong. Me? Praying morning noon and night – as each fear, resentment, selfish/dishonest thought/act presented itself? I might as well just join a cloister, right? (NO STOOPID! Step Eleven is like an Errors & Omissions insurance policy, I learned.)
This realization can be the deadly stumbling block for the person who IS NOT willing to go to ANY LENGTH for freedom. Too many of us are told that “any length” means going to lots of meetings, like some sort of prison “sentence” or speaking in meetings when we don’t want to – or signing up for the coffee & cake job — and for many I suppose it is. But ANY LENGTH means a hell of a lot more drastic actions and adoptions than that bull-shale. If you are not a real alcoholic – you simply will never go through with it.
And for you I have good news – YOU DON’T HAVE TO. You will not have to be fearless and thorough. Just “put the plug in the jug” and go about your business. Just don’t kill any real alcoholics by suggesting that THEY will be able to do that too. OK? Thanks.
Peace,
Danny S
* “this thought” is that the ninth step promises will always materialize IF we work for them. If we don’t work for them – they do not always materialize.
How Long Is Any Length?
Please skip this article if you are a “Pop-AA” sobriety hobbyist who uses meetings to stay sober One Day At A Time and who does not sponsor other alcoholics through the Twelve Steps.
This may not be a good day for you if you continue.
Some folks I run into take the following quote as the defining instruction for Step Ten:
“This thought* brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.” (84:2)
- and then invent their own method for doing it. That usually consists of some vague and occasional stepping up to the apology plate when they get into a conflict with someone and think that that is practicing Step Ten. It isn’t.
Step Ten is not as casual as the still self-centered, Pop-AA “not drinking today” AA club house member may prefer. Step Ten is very specific and well defined in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.
If you are not already practicing these principles, I won’t make you go to the book- you probably haven’t cracked it in a long while – if ever, anyway. But here is the list of things that we who have adopted this new way of live do, everyday, for the rest of our lives:
“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.” This is the eternal vigilance of this way of life – “staying away from slippery places” is NOT vigilance – it’s still living in bondage and being a slave to alcohol.
” When these crop up,” (selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.)
- “we ask God at once to remove them.
- we discuss them with someone immediately and
- make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
- Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.” (84:2)
Chances are if you haven’t spoken to your sponsor, spiritual guide or mentor in a few days, then you are not practicing Step Ten, which is a part of “these principles in all our affairs) And if you think that you are ,then that is too bad for you – and even worse for the poor son-of-a-bitch who thinks that you are sponsoring him.
.
thanking Him at night”.
Talk about half-measures – man, that kind of “program” isn’t even a squirt in the Twelve Step Program pond!
It turned out that the co-founders and those who actually practiced this new way of life where doing much more. Not only were they praying and taking such actions mornings and nights, but they were doing it ALL-DAY LONG!
Holy Toledo! I thought that only Lubavitchers and Franciscan Monks did things like that – not regular guys like me! Boy was I wrong. Me? Praying morning noon and night – as each fear, resentment, selfish/dishonest thought/act presented itself? I might as well just join a cloister, right? (NO STOOPID! Step Eleven is like an Errors & Omissions insurance policy, I learned.)
This realization can be the deadly stumbling block for the person who IS NOT willing to go to ANY LENGTH for freedom. Too many of us are told that “any length” means going to lots of meetings, like some sort of prison “sentence” or speaking in meetings when we don’t want to – or signing up for the coffee & cake job — and for many I suppose it is. But ANY LENGTH means a hell of a lot more drastic actions and adoptions than that bull-shale. If you are not a real alcoholic – you simply will never go through with it.
And for you I have good news – YOU DON’T HAVE TO. You will not have to be fearless and thorough. Just “put the plug in the jug” and go about your business. Just don’t kill any real alcoholics by suggesting that THEY will be able to do that too. OK? Thanks.
Peace,
Danny S
* “this thought” is that the ninth step promises will always materialize IF we work for them. If we don’t work for them – they do not always materialize.
"We Hope We Have Made Clear . . . .
. . . the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic.” (44:0)
Some people say that they have a “Problem” with real alcoholics who distinguish themselves from the “Rest” of the fellowship. Do they actually think “We” sit around trying to figure out ways to separate ourselves from “normal” folks, perhaps in order to feel superior?
C’mon, give us SOME credit. When did suffering from an physical and mental illness become a superiority? Are these people Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs?
I had to “LEARN” what alcoholism is by AA’s “Description of the alcoholic” in order to avail myself of the Program they had to solve the problem custom tailored to TH
AT description. There has to be a “fit” so I could comfortably put on the Twelve Step shoes. The essential part of that learning is best said by Dr. Silkworth. “ . . . . an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity.”
I didn’t take my first drink as a twelve year old, setting out to become this “Distinct entity” but here I am one – and it is something I have to accept.
But once we learn and then accept that we ARE different – and are powerless over that fact – THEN we can accept a solution that works for “Us”. Most real alcoholics are relieved to learn this, because it is the missing link that explains the puzzle as to why once we started, we couldn’t stop while seeing, “. . others taking drinks “with impunity.” (The Doctors Opinion)
Why could “THEY” do it and not “US”?
We LEARN this from our text – “Alcoholics Anonymous”. This physical “difference” which separates us from the rest of humanity walking the face of the planet is not some PLOY for some kind of superiority over non-alcoholics – Jeeze it’s a physical defectiveness – an ailment, man!
Most people trying to solve the drink problem should be grateful they don’t “Have it” instead of criticizing those who do and must adapt their entire lives to accommodate it – or else continue to suffer and perhaps die.
Those who “Have a problem” with this distinction – and continuing to try to convince those afflicted that they are “Not unique” or transform the realization it into some sort of psychosomatic egotism (Like throwing the “terminal uniqueness” pejorative.) just confuses some of us newcomers who wou
ld rather not be afflicted – and who instead of accepting it, may grasp at these kind of straws to \feel a sameness with the vast majority of their fellows.
We die trying to be “normal” when we are not.
If this were realized, then the words “Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholic. No person likes to think he is bodily AND mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.” - might have more meaning to them.
Some are apparently are SO unwilling (Or unable because it’s not true for themselves) to admit that we were REAL ALCOHOLICS – that they cannot even accept OUR admittance that there is such a thing as a “Real alcoholic.” How wild is that? Talk about “denial. I am not in denial – so these folks are going to be “in denial” for us?
Nothing could be funnier. (OK . . . maybe a cat peeing in a clowns mouth.)
This side the whole definition fits “us” to a T and when we finally stop being “unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics” we open the possibility for recovery.
They can argue against this “Distinction” all they want – but it’s going to be difficult to get someone such as me to “Go backwards” in my thinking when this allergy distinction/component is an understanding that has been so vital in so completely changing my life to where I have recovered – when nothing else I tried worked – not psychology, not “Meetings Meetings Meetings” not wishing willing or praying – NOTHING.
I wish they’d give it up. Don’t you?
Peace,
Danny S
Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?
Danny is a born and bred New Yorker, (1957) who grew up in “da Bronx”, New York City and has lived most of his life in the borough of Queens. He now lives on Cape Cod in Massachusetts with his wife Nancy and their two children, Danny Jr. and Kristen.
The Schwarzhoffs are a complete family unit enjoying emotional, mental and physical health and a harmonious lifestyle free from harmful stress. Both children are Honor Roll students in their schools, are socially active and well balanced in all areas of their lives. In July, 2011 the Schwarzhoffs celebrated their thirty second wedding anniversary.
He writes. He plays guitar. Danny was born May 7, 1957. His parents divorced when he was five and he is the product of an alcoholic family life visa vi his mother’s live-in boyfriend who was an alcoholic.Danny himself is an alcoholic. He refers to himself as a “Recovered alcoholic” – no longer suffering from the malady. He got sober for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober since.He owns several popular and enduring blogs about alcoholism, meditation, recovery and the Twelve Step based solutions to life’s problems. For eight years standing, both Google and Yahoo have rated Danny as the number one, top rated “Recovered Alcoholic”.
He calls himself a “Real Live Recovered Alcoholic”; no longer suffering from the malady. Danny stopped drinking for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober ever since. He has over thirty years experience with a special form of non-religious, spiritual meditation that he teaches and writes about in tandem with his unique style of carrying the Twelve Step message of recovery that emphasizes this unique meditation technique. He claim it is the missing link in Twelve Step Recovery and has devoted his life to delivering it to the world, beginning with the alcoholic.
Danny was first exposed to the meditation technique he prescribes when he was about five years old. It happened following a traumatic experience with his mother’s violent, alcoholic live-in boyfriend. In order to deal with the humiliation and resentment he experienced at the hands of this man Danny stumbled upon the technique – which he later recognized as meditation – in order to protect himself from the harms caused by that painful traumatic experience. He was able to dislocate his emotions much in the same way that the circus contortionist might dislocate a shoulder. Miraculously, when the experience was over he realized that he no longer hated the man for beating him.
Armed with his secret ‘gimmick’, life could never be quite the same. Then in his teen years he discontinued the mystic ‘dislocation’ practice and descended into the perverse world of active alcoholism, suffering mental and physical dysfunction for nearly two decades. Then in 1999 during a “white light” spiritual experience everything changed and he was able once again to ‘meditate’. He has never needed to look back. He continues to apply this method in all areas of life and has continued to enjoy mental, emotional and physical well-being as well as spiritual healthfulness. Now he teaches the technique to others principally through working with alcoholics who are attempting to go through the Twelve Step Recovery process.
Not only has Danny fully recovered from alcoholism and substance abuse but through this technique integrated into the Twelve Step process he has been able to overcome major depression, anxiety, smoking, onset type II diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, sugar addiction, colitis, hemorrhoids, and even erectile dysfunction. His doctors have un-prescribed virtually all of the prescriptions he has been given in the past decade including Lipitor, TriCore, and ADD medications like Adderall as well as the antidepressant drugs Effexor, Welbutrin and Lexapro.
He first began writing in the mid 70s when he landed a job as publicist and advertising director for a Bronx produce company. He wrote advertising copy and press releases for the company and directed all of their marketing and promotion until 1982. After several years as a Lobbyist in Washing DC serving the United Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Association he left to start his own weekly tabloid newspaper where he was Editor-in Chief of “The Fruit & Vegetable Reporter.” He wrote most of the tabloids feature stories and much of the news copy. Danny has published articles in Grapevine, AA’s magazine for Alcoholics, and also in the Barnstable Patriot on Cape Cod.
The late 80s and 90s brought Danny to Wall Street in New York City when he became a stockbroker. One of his firms became the subject of the movie “Boiler Room” – a factoid which fuels much of his storytelling on the subject of alcoholism, spiritual dysfunction and substance abuse in the workplace. In the late 90s he moved to Cape Cod where he began writing, working with alcoholics, and breeding thoroughbred racing pigeons. He also began working for several rehab centers aiding addiction counselors with rehabilitating alcoholics and drug addicts.
Today Danny give regular public talks on alcoholism and recovery. He has conducted Twelve Step workshops at recovery conferences in Boston, New York and in Denmark as well as at Dartmouth College (UMASS).
Although frequently consulted by treatment facility administrators and those in the recovery business Danny does not affiliate with any treatment center or rehabs. He hasn’t got any recovery models to sell. He gives his meditation exercise away for free and only writes of his experience on the subject with one goal in mind. He wants to persuade others to try it and to experience an entire change of being and lifestyle through it. He is not an authority on any recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations as a spiritually awakened and Recovered Alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “Twelve Step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous or as a form of therapy.
Biographic disclaimer: Sometimes the question of anonymity arises – along with the issue of whether or not Danny is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). If Danny were a member of AA, he would violate AAs traditions by saying so publicly. He would also be lying if he were a member and denied it. So in order to respect that organizations traditions he does not answer that question publicly. However, Danny does want his readers to know that AA has earned his respect and he approves of AAs Twelve Step Program. He also does not think that AA has a monopoly on recovery from alcoholism and that AA is not for everyone. He has attended AA meetings and has done extensive research into its history and Twelve Step Program and is an ardent practitioner of the Twelve Steps. He writes about some of these observations regarding AAs Program, Fellowship and history.
Danny Schwarzhoff is a recovered alcoholic and a writer by trade. He is not an authority on ANY recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations based upon that experience as a RECOVERED alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “twelve step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous. Please see the FAQ for more information.
By Nancy Lee Schwarzhoff
Personal Note: I am so grateful to have gotten my husband back. We have been married now for almost twenty-seven years. He became someone I no longer recognized; certainly not the wonderful guy I fell in love with; who made me laugh, who held doors for me, who was truthful and honest; who was going to go out into the world and make a difference – who loved me and didn’t mind showing it. I lost that guy, during the years that he drank. To anyone who has an alcoholic spouse I truly hope you find what my husband has stumbled into. The joy and serenity that has come back is truly a second chance for both of us.
I hope we all enjoy his new book. (He swears he will start looking for a publisher soon!) On the too few occasions that he gives me a few pages to read I end up laughing and crying all on the same page. (I am sure he does that on purpose, knowing him like I do) Then again I went through much of it. So much he never let me know about. He kept so much inside of him. He became secretive and I wondered “How could I have been so mistaken about him?” I questioned whether he loved me at all and what I did to cause him to turn the way he seemed to be. We had no idea what was happening to him. To us.
Even though Dan has been writing his whole life, this is his first attempt at a real book. When he started it a little over a year ago, I knew in my heart that it was something he should do and have been as supportive (through my fears) as I could. I was shocked when suddenly he said he had over 200,000 words written! How he did that, I don’t know. I guess there is still much I don’t know about him as a RECOVERED alcoholic. I am sure he would have started it and given up in our old life. Things are still changing for us everyday.
Although it may or may not be a best seller; it may not conform what to some people think they already know about alcoholics, I will tell you that it is all true and amazing to me. Even his new found recovered friends are just the most amazing, larger than life wonderful people I have ever met in my life. Believe it or not, even the still sick ones he brings here to the house, still drunk!
Danny gets some pretty heavily criticism for being so outspoken. I must say, he does have a knack for cutting to the chase. This bothers some people, especially other un-recovered drunks – who do not even know him past his writings. But if they can deal with their own sensitivities, as I have learned, they will find my husband to be a loving and generous man with a passion for sobriety like none we can imagine. And it is only because of sobriety that it shows. Again.
I know Danny’s talk. He certainly does not walk his own talk a hundred percent. He is far from being a saint. Not on your life! But he does seem to have a skill for catching it before too much harm can come of it. And he helps an awful lot of people. I do admire that in him. But do not ever let him tell you that he walks the talk twenty-four hours a day.
There are second chances in life, happiness, and family. It is waiting for you, inside of you. I hope you find it.
- Love Always, Nancy
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