Not A Bluefish

How To Qualify Yourself For Membership In Alcoholics Anonymous

Tradition Three - “Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”

My first utterance in an AA meeting on my first day of AA was “My name is Danny, and I am here to find out if I am an alcoholic”. I had the advantage of having never been exposed to any sort of recovery methods, treatment centers or rehabs. No one ever told me that I WAS an alcoholic nor did any “Addictions counselor” tell me to go to AA and lie: “Tell them you are alcoholic” whether I knew what that meant or not – as happens in today.

I was totally fresh to the idea of getting help to do what I had been unable to do on my own – STOP DRINKING.

One of the ingenious if not inspired aspects of our Fellowship is the proposition that we do not rely on others in making the determination of whether or not we are alcoholic – and tells us how the co-authors of the Book refrained from pronouncing individuals as alcoholics.

That idea goes right out the window the moment we say “You’re in the right place”. How the hell do WE know?

Our Big Book gives us their clear-cut “description of the alcoholic” - the methods and descriptives to use in performing a ‘self-diagnosis’. The co-authors hope was that we had learned from the first 43 pages of the book to see clearly “the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic.” (44:0)

Everything I needed was in there. Once making the determination, I was able to declare myself a member, and no one could kick me out.

I never drank in the morning. My wife didn’t leave me. I was never homeless. I was not a daily drinker. I have never beaten my wife or children. I have not done time in prison. My kids do not hate me. I was never hospitalized for alcoholism. I have never been in a treatment center or detoxed on a medical facility.

As bad as these things are none of them would qualify me as being alcoholic. Not one. Not even if they happened repeatedly;y.

I am utterly unable leave it alone, “no matter how great the necessity or the wish” (34:2) Most importantly tI have lost the power to choose whether I will drink or not. This determined whether or not I could quit upon a non-spiritual basis.

So one only need ask a very simple question: Can I stop drinking on a non-spiritual basis? You know . . . “plug in the jug” – “keeping it green” “don’t drink and go to meetings” that sort of stuff.

If the answer is “yes” – THEN I AM NOT A CANDIDATE FOR ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. I do not need a spiritual awakening in order to remove the insane desire to drink no matter what.

If I go down the street to Vineyard Sound and wade out to my chest declaring “I am a Blue Fish” does not make me one – just as raising my hand and saying I AM AN ALCOHOLIC does not mean I am alcoholic either. I could be misinformed, lying or insane, right?

In AA I learned that since I had such little control over the amount of alcohol I drank, that I suffered from an illness, which only a spiritual experience would conquer. Hence I am member and a satisfied customer of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Now that I know for sure that I fit “Our description of the alcoholic” and NO ONE else’s description -no matter how much “time” they have — or how many degrees or certificates they hang on their wall – I can call myself a member of Alcoholics Anonymous in good conscience and not bully my way into a fellowship for which I hold no qualification.

Peace,

Danny S

How Long Is Any Length?

Please skip this article if you are a “Pop-AA” sobriety hobbyist who uses meetings to stay sober One Day At A Time and who does not sponsor other alcoholics through the Twelve Steps.

This may not be a good day for you if you continue.

Some folks I run into take the following quote as the defining instruction for Step Ten:

“This thought* brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.” (84:2)

- and then invent their own method for doing it. That usually consists of some vague and occasional stepping up to the apology plate when they get into a conflict with someone and think that that is practicing Step Ten. It isn’t.

Step Ten is not as casual as the still self-centered, Pop-AA “not drinking today” AA club house member may prefer. Step Ten is very specific and well defined in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

If you are not already practicing these principles, I won’t make you go to the book- you probably haven’t cracked it in a long while – if ever, anyway. But here is the list of things that we who have adopted this new way of live do, everyday, for the rest of our lives:

“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.” This is the eternal vigilance of this way of life – “staying away from slippery places” is NOT vigilance – it’s still living in bondage and being a slave to alcohol.

” When these crop up,” (selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.)

• “we ask God at once to remove them.
• we discuss them with someone immediately and
• make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
• Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.” (84:2)

Chances are if you haven’t spoken to your sponsor, spiritual guide or mentor in a few days, then you are not practicing Step Ten, which is a part of “these principles in all our affairs) And if you think that you are ,then that is too bad for you – and even worse for the poor son-of-a-bitch who thinks that you are sponsoring him.
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Personally I was shocked when I came across this in the beginning. I had been lead to believe – by listening to others in meetings - that that the relationship with God necessary to be a Twelve Step practitioner meant something like, “asking for help in the morning and thanking Him at night”.

Talk about half-measures – man, that kind of “program” isn’t even a squirt in the Twelve Step Program pond!

It turned out that the co-founders and those who actually practiced this new way of life where doing much more. Not only were they praying and taking such actions mornings and nights, but they were doing it ALL-DAY LONG!

Holy Toledo! I thought that only Lubavitchers and Franciscan Monks did things like that – not regular guys like me! Boy was I wrong. Me? Praying morning noon and night – as each fear, resentment, selfish/dishonest thought/act presented itself? I might as well just join a cloister, right? (NO STOOPID! Step Eleven is like an Errors & Omissions insurance policy, I learned.)

This realization can be the deadly stumbling block for the person who IS NOT willing to go to ANY LENGTH for freedom. Too many of us are told that “any length” means going to lots of meetings, like some sort of prison “sentence” or speaking in meetings when we don’t want to – or signing up for the coffee & cake job — and for many I suppose it is. But ANY LENGTH means a hell of a lot more drastic actions and adoptions than that bull-shale. If you are not a real alcoholic – you simply will never go through with it.

And for you I have good news – YOU DON’T HAVE TO. You will not have to be fearless and thorough. Just “put the plug in the jug” and go about your business. Just don’t kill any real alcoholics by suggesting that THEY will be able to do that too. OK? Thanks.

Peace,

Danny S

* “this thought” is that the ninth step promises will always materialize IF we work for them. If we don’t work for them – they do not always materialize.

How Long Is Any Length?

Please skip this article if you are a “Pop-AA” sobriety hobbyist who uses meetings to stay sober One Day At A Time and who does not sponsor other alcoholics through the Twelve Steps.

This may not be a good day for you if you continue.

Some folks I run into take the following quote as the defining instruction for Step Ten:

“This thought* brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along.” (84:2)

- and then invent their own method for doing it. That usually consists of some vague and occasional stepping up to the apology plate when they get into a conflict with someone and think that that is practicing Step Ten. It isn’t.

Step Ten is not as casual as the still self-centered, Pop-AA “not drinking today” AA club house member may prefer. Step Ten is very specific and well defined in the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

If you are not already practicing these principles, I won’t make you go to the book- you probably haven’t cracked it in a long while – if ever, anyway. But here is the list of things that we who have adopted this new way of live do, everyday, for the rest of our lives:

“Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.” This is the eternal vigilance of this way of life – “staying away from slippery places” is NOT vigilance – it’s still living in bondage and being a slave to alcohol.

” When these crop up,” (selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.)

• “we ask God at once to remove them.
• we discuss them with someone immediately and
• make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone.
• Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.” (84:2)

Chances are if you haven’t spoken to your sponsor, spiritual guide or mentor in a few days, then you are not practicing Step Ten, which is a part of “these principles in all our affairs) And if you think that you are ,then that is too bad for you – and even worse for the poor son-of-a-bitch who thinks that you are sponsoring him.
.

Personally I was shocked when I came across this in the beginning. I had been lead to believe – by listening to others in meetings - that that the relationship with God necessary to be a Twelve Step practitioner meant something like, “asking for help in the morning and thanking Him at night”.

Talk about half-measures – man, that kind of “program” isn’t even a squirt in the Twelve Step Program pond!

It turned out that the co-founders and those who actually practiced this new way of life where doing much more. Not only were they praying and taking such actions mornings and nights, but they were doing it ALL-DAY LONG!

Holy Toledo! I thought that only Lubavitchers and Franciscan Monks did things like that – not regular guys like me! Boy was I wrong. Me? Praying morning noon and night – as each fear, resentment, selfish/dishonest thought/act presented itself? I might as well just join a cloister, right? (NO STOOPID! Step Eleven is like an Errors & Omissions insurance policy, I learned.)

This realization can be the deadly stumbling block for the person who IS NOT willing to go to ANY LENGTH for freedom. Too many of us are told that “any length” means going to lots of meetings, like some sort of prison “sentence” or speaking in meetings when we don’t want to – or signing up for the coffee & cake job — and for many I suppose it is. But ANY LENGTH means a hell of a lot more drastic actions and adoptions than that bull-shale. If you are not a real alcoholic – you simply will never go through with it.

And for you I have good news – YOU DON’T HAVE TO. You will not have to be fearless and thorough. Just “put the plug in the jug” and go about your business. Just don’t kill any real alcoholics by suggesting that THEY will be able to do that too. OK? Thanks.

Peace,

Danny S

* “this thought” is that the ninth step promises will always materialize IF we work for them. If we don’t work for them – they do not always materialize.

Screw U

I do not like it. The co-founders did not like it. Maybe you do not like it. But apparently many folks LOVE it.

What am I talking about is – pronouncing that just about anyone with a “Drinking problem” in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous is alcoholic.

“We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.” (31:3)

To announce is to make known publicly; to pronounce is to declare officially or formally.

Yet isn’t that exactly what we do when we tell someone “You’re in the right place” or “No one gets here by accident.”

If you think that EVERYBODY who enters that church basement is an alcoholic and in the right place – then you are out of your gourd and may have some some “problems” other than alcoholism – like maybe someone gave you a lobotomy in your sleep one night. I have buried too many drug addicts in the last ten years and seen too many “members” who can “Put the plug in the jug” on their own.

There are reasons why the co-authors tell us that they don’t like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic – and once we start doing what they did we can see it too. They did not just pull these ideas out of the asses and write into a book, you know.

The Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” is EXPERIENCE based – not OPINION based.

Too many of us do not bother to Twelve Step others and never experience and see some much in book for ourselves – operating in our own lives as we resume our lives in new and helpful ways.

First, unless he’s been taken through Step One he wont’ believe you if in your opinion he is a real alcoholic – even if YOU DO believe it. Why should he be interested your opinions anyway – people have been giving this guy resentments and troubles by telling him their opinions about him for years anyway. “Fuck you and your solution!”

What will you do then, repeat yourself? Say it louder? Carve it into his belly with a penknife? Take out a full page ad in the New York Times? Besides, what do most newcomers say anyway?

They say, “OH I KNOW that I am an alcoholic!”

“Oh really? OK pal -tell me what alcoholism is.” – and he won’t even come close. He will not tell you about the obsession combined with t he allergy nor describe those condition operative in his drinking history. He can’t explain alcoholic powerlessness – unmanageably – that even faintly resembles “what we know about alcoholism” .

How could he? You haven’t taken him through Step One yet – the other side of which he can emerge knowledgeable about “our description of the alcoholic” and see that he either fits or not. Why do you think and Twelve Step call requires you telling YOUR story to him? It isn’t because you’re so freakin‘ interesting. Anyone who IS NOT and alcoholic wouldn’t understand what the hell you are talking about – like most people in meetings can’t either.

“Show him your copy of this book and tell him what you have found out about alcoholism.” (112:4)

If all you have “found out” is that “One drink is too many . . . . blah blah blah” . . . . sorry, but a real alcohol will instantly sense how full of hot steaming shit your are and you can pretty much just tell him, “Call me before you drink” – then pat yourself on the back for being such a “helpful” AA – then go home and catch another broadcast of “Survivor“. Maybe someone will be moved to clue him in to what a complete dead weight asshole you are in the Fellowship and get him through the first few steps before YOU even get to another meeting – if he’s lucky.

The most important reason that we like SELF DIAGNOSIS is that when we rob him of the self-discovery element we also thwart the power of the inner conclusion necessary – we may prevent or delay his ability to take Step One.

“We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.” (30:1)

This is where the “professionals” of the “Addictions” business have rejected this LEARNING and so fail to make any inroads – and why the recovered alcoholics (Not you recoverING guys, sorry.) of Alcoholics Anonymous – we who eschew POP AA in favor of practicing these principles are presently and will continue to be the real professionals in the field. “We have been given the power to help others.” (132:2) We can help when NO ONE ELSE can.

Nobody. Not the church – not a religion – not the rehab – not the Doctor – the counselor – or the Santero in the back-room of La Botanica. Only “WE” can “secure their confidence when others fail.” (89:0) – and many of these other “professionals” will spit like snakes when we get come around to take another one to God. That’s their problem if they want to do this for money.

There is an awful lot of such “Pronouncement” going on for a Fellowship that claims it shouldn’t be avoiding. Maybe we can just give out “Screw U” medallions instead of twenty four hour or “Desire” chips.

Eleven years ago when I first stepped into “the rooms” in Little Neck-Douglaston, Queens, New York City, the first people I met were frank. They said things like, “I don’t know if you are alcoholic or not.” and “Only you can make that determination” – and one fellow, Barry G, explained to me just how the co-authors or the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” went about it for themselves and had developed something they called “Our description of the alcoholic”.

He let ME in on it – by telling me what he knew about alcoholism – what he had learned from the Big Book and found to apply to his situation.

If I search out another alcoholic to work with and start off first by telling him that he IS alcoholic without knowing much about his history – except that he has utterly destroyed his life and the lives of his loved ones by being a booze bagged asshole – and use THAT information alone in order to qualify and recruit him into the Fellowship created for real alcoholics – attracting him with my friendship and a promise that he will “Not be alone anymore” – he is screwed!

Even worse, I have also screwed the Fellowship and the millions of others who would depend upon Primary Purpose now and in the future. Not being alone anymore is good. Friendship is good. Being able to “open up” to another human being is good. But that is NOT our purpose.

“Sobriety—the freedom from alcohol—through the teaching and practicing of the twelve steps is the sole purpose of an AA group.” Bill W

A few months ago I was at a meeting where some guy, in the middle of his “sharing” looked across the room at a “first-timer” and said, “I never met you before. But I KNOW that you are an alcoholic!”

He KNOWS! I had to strain my head to see the guy. I thought maybe Criss Angel or The Amazing Kreskin and come to visit the Group. But the guy was about as magical as the Amazing Carnac.

What someone who has recovered and who is armed with the facts about his or her OWN alcoholism is qualified to do is to show someone – ANYONE – what those two conditions are. It is up to them then to see if the shoe fits – not anyone else. You are the only one with the intimate knowledge of your own past, necessary to make such a determination. We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic because when we do – WE CAN FUCK IT UP!

That can result in non-alcoholics believing themselves alcoholics and even real alcoholics calling themselves alcoholics but not knowing why it is.

We rob them BOTH of the deep inner recognition of the malady or absence of the malady – within ones self. He cannot decide if he belongs or not – not to inner most self anyway.

Have you ever suggested to someone that maybe they are NOT alcoholic? Sometimes you’ll hear back, “Don’t say that. My sick brain can convince me that maybe I am not and then I’ll drink”. Hey, did you just hear that? Listen. I just heard a coo-coo go off somewhere. This is someone who has NOT yet taken step one. I don’t care what they say or what their sponsor says – they haven’t done it – and if they have the conclusion was that they DON’T FIT – but now they don’t want to leave the fellowship.

What someone who had NEVER recovered, doesn’t intend to EVER recover, but plans to attend AA meetings for the foreseeable future – who is armed with misinformation about alcoholism shows up and tells the poor slob who just got his third DWI conviction and has lost his job that he IS alcoholic – he’s armed all right. He is armed with a grenade of ignorance – pin pulled – and if he grabs onto that newcomer yelling hit the deck that newcomer wont’ even have a chance to kiss his poor ass bye bye.

If he is NOT an alcoholic but some poor guy who has managed to drink himself to ruin and near death (All alcoholics are assholes – but not all assholes are alcoholic) he will call himself alcoholic but not knowing why it is.

We rob him of the deep inner recognition of the malady within ones self

- and THAT in the long run makes for poor sponsorship in AA and widespread ignorance about the malady within and outside of that fellowship – because there is a lack of ability in explaining alcoholism to the newcomer who needs to know.

If you do not Twelve Step other alcoholics or if you have limited or no experience working with sick, pukestank alkies – or you do not fit “Our description of the alcoholic” in the Big Book and therefore aren’t’ “one of us” and so believe that anyone with desire to stop drinking can become a member of Alcoholics Anonymous even if he is not alcoholic – then this idea will probably buzz low across your roof and keep going. You can’t afford to understand it.

But let me ask you this: How many alcoholics would you say you have directly killed in 2007? How many in your entire recovery career? I can tell you how many I have killed. Why won’t you get honest and claim your culpability?

If you really want an answer – let me help you. How many sponsees have you taken on, telling them to take their time to “take the steps” - that it’s “not a race” - and you also never qualified them as real alcoholics in Step One – as it says to do on page forty four?

Got the approximate number? Ok . . . now,

. . . . are any of them dead? THAT’S A BEGINNING!

Peace,

Danny S

Take My Blood

“And All The Rest of Me Too – While You’re At It.”

Picture the oldest, most cantankerous knucklehead with the most obviously unhappy disposition and twenty or thirty years of “sobriety” that you know in your own Home Group – who does nothing more than spout slogans and crap in meetings. If you would rather use a “happy, joyous and free” personality then be my guest. That will work as well. Suppose it is a fact that he does not fit “Our description of the alcoholic” (Only he can know right? But lets just suppose for now.)

We all know”that guy” right? His or her major contribution to the Fellowship is “Just showing up” to be a “Powerful example” – to throw onto the meeting floor a few pithy “shares” during the week and has one or two “sponsees” that he tells “Easy Does It” or “One Day at A Time” if asked, “When can I take the twelve Steps”?

Putting aside how many real alcoholics this guy has killed during his “Middle-of-road solutions” (25:3) based AA career – think about this:

How might that guy react to the truth if he were to study and comprehend the first forty three pages of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous – the pages that clearly detailed exactly what a “real alcoholic” is for the purposes of membership and recovery through the spiritual awakening?

Do you think he is going to leap up from his folding chair, click his heels like a Leprechaun and say, “Oh PRAISE JESUS! I can stop going to meetings – I was wrong after all – I am NOT a REAL ALCOHOLIC! Now I have learned my truth.”?

No freakin’ way. He’ll develop contempt for the truth of Step One – of the Big Book – of what he perceives as Big Book Thumpers, Nazis or “AA zealots.” He may even react viciously like a rabid coon trapped in a “Havahart” trap. Have you ever trapped one of those cute little buggers?

Yeah, they’re “cute” alright. They are aggressive and vicious little bastards with sharp-assed fangs and they that want to kill you – which all becomes apparent as they try to bite and claw their way out the reality that they are in the WRONG PLACE – and would rather have their teeth sunk into your jugular vein.

I’ll make a comparison here but first I need to set the stage and to do that I need to get personal — just briefly.

During the first twenty years of my life I adored and worshipped my Dad. Rightly so. I wish all son’s could have that – as they should. I mean I used to not empty the sand from the pockets of my Wranglers after a day of Surf casting at Jones beach - because it was the sand that “we” walked on together.

For the second twenty years of my life my own self-centeredness and untreated alcoholism had me estranged from him.

We had a falling out, which was my fault caused stemming from my years of training for complete assholdom. The details are irrelevant.

Then eight years ago I “accidentally” discovered that this man whom I had no reason to ever doubt was my father was in fact, not

I was in the middle of amends and after all those active alcoholic years I contacted him by letter to see if I could fly down to Florida to set straight the matter that had separated us. His idea of setting things straight was not the same as mine. He wanted my blood. It took fourty years for him to do is, but now suddenly he wanted to investigate his doubts of paternity.

NOW you tell me!

After the initial shock had lightened up a bit I had the blood-test he requested. A “negative” report was issued from the lab. All the while I never once even heard the sound of his voice – and I have never heard from of of him since – except that he contacted one of sisters to tell her that as a result of the blood-test I would now be excluded from his Will – as if he were a Getty or a Hilton or something. I have to laugh a little. (Do I hear the word “contest?” Why, yes I do!)

That was eight years ago and for this past decade, as an adult I have been a “fatherless” child. I had been deceived for all of my life by family plus I no longer held the heritage I thought I did.

A bubble that I assumed mine and mine alone – the very blood that ran through my veins – that no one could take away from me, was burst and drained in an explosive williwaw. It it true that the sword of truth can have a double edge. Pulling it out is just as painful and draws as much blood and the first plunge.

Talk about being devastated — this one went deep and long. There were times when I had to pull off to the side of the road while driving just to compose myself and not cause an accident.

He hadn’t just “died” suddenly. He was murdered at the hand of my own loved ones. Somebody knew -and wouldn’t let me in on it. The pain of the deceit combined with the grieving of loss is heavy. Any alcoholic who has lived in an alcoholic home – with the typical deciets deceptions, lies and cover-ups that make Clinton’s Whitehouse look like a Monestary, will know that level of pain under various circumstances. Certainly anyone who has lost a loved to another’s hand surely will.

Why write about this? Who gives a shit besides me, my kids and wife? (who would at least like to know for medical history purposes as well as knowing what THEIR heritage and that of their OWN will be) — probably no one.

The situation does however allow a look at a part of human nature with which all of us are familiar.

The holding of lies as truth and then learning the truth about the falsehood. It can be an ego deflating proposition. The first time I remember experiencing this was the inconsolable moments I spent after learning there was no Santa Clause. I did not care about the jolly fat bastard – - what bothered me was that I had been deceived by those who I depended upon for honestly and protection. And I felt the fool as well.

This can be personal humiliation that embarrasses but also pains – and for a real alcoholic like I am always requires inventory. ALWAYS.

But what about people who have spent years and years participating in a fellowship created solely for alcoholics – calling themselves “ALCOHOLICS” and yet in truth have absolutely no valid basis for the label?

How do they react when faced with the idea that after all, they may NOT be really alcoholic – that they actually do have and have demonstrated well that they HAVE POWER over alcohol without AA – without a “Higher Power” and without a spiritual awakening- maybe by putting the “Plug in the jug” or “Keeping it green” or ” Just don’t drink no matter what”?

It is no wonder the Big Book is the most absent item in meetings. It teaches us what alcoholism is and what it isn’t. There are just too many of us who cannot withstand the exposure that such knowledge would bring. “Memberships” and egos would never survive it.

We all know what “Group Conscience” – but many groups that I have visited around the country and world would have a “Group Conniption” if they ran out of coffee – but they don’t worry much about running out of Big Books do they? Even if they have one on display it’s often one of few in possession and always seems to be available. The real solution to real alcoholism doesn’t get sold – as long as we “Keep Coming Back”, right?

Well, “I’ve kept coming back for a few years now, and aside from your boring discussions I can’t help but notice that you STILL have the same Big Book up on that table there guys”.

What’s up with that?

When I learned the truth about my “dad” or whoever that “guy” was who now wants nothing to do with me – for forty years, the truth is that he’s not my “dad” and it always has been the truth – whatever I might have believed. But I had a Programmed method of turning on a new God consciousness and a relationship with Him that brought me through it. It is called practicing these principles in all of my affairs.

If I hadn’t, then I would probably either still be carrying around that resentment, bedeviled and miserable and maybe even denying the truth to my own “self“

People have been known to do that. It is a mental instability but not all that uncommon.

Have you ever heard of “cognitive dissonance”*?

It is very prevalent in AA meetings by non-alcoholics. I will probably write about it one day soon.

Peace,

Danny S

*cognitive dissonance

NOUN:
Psychology
A condition of conflict or anxiety resulting from inconsistency between one’s beliefs and one’s actions, such as opposing the slaughter of animals and eating meat.

Drowning Men and Women

Hey remember when “Just don’t drink” was something you could do at will, when drinking just wasn’t a good idea? Me too.

Remember when you used to toss a few stiff ones down the gullet – get a little buzzed and then call it a night because you had to get up for work or school the next day – or just needed to be alert for an important meeting or function?

I remember that.

How about making a decision to get shit-faced – like on New Years Eve or a wedding — or to drown a stubborn sorrow – conjure up some courage – help stuff a trauma or even just the hell of it?

Remember that?

Then we could just sleep it off, and pick up our lives again in a day or two.

Yeah. I remember that.

But then at some point all that changed didn’t it?

Damn! We went a little overboard didn’t we? Isn’t it too bad that we didn’t know that physically we were different – that we were “Potential alcoholics”? Then we could have stopped while we still had the chance.

After years of drinking successfully for the effect I enjoyed, as all drinking men and women are apt to do, I just crossed a line. All willpower practically disappeared. Then later on whenever I pulled up a drinking memory – I would use it to gauge how to “Do it right this time” or to justify the idea that, Last time wasn’t so bad, so this time won’t be either”.

People who chant “Keep it green” or “Remember the last drink” just don’t seem to understand alcoholism much – do they?

The “I’m not drinking today” folks who seem to have that “Plug” in their back pockets ready to pull out whenever they need to cork up a jug – whose motivation might be “I Don’t want to go back out there” or “I have too much too loose” – are different than me. Plugging up that jug is something non-alcoholic “abusers” are able to do. I know. I used to be one. There was a time when “Just say no” was an option.

Sadly those “Jug pluggers” are also giving this type of advice in AA meetings.

This type of defense against the first drink is picked up and used successfully by the hoards of other non-alcoholic meeting-goers, the hard drinkers – and that is wonderful – but what are these people doing in AA meetings anyway – if they have such power over alcohol? I’m just sayin‘!

For the real alcoholic newcomer who comes in and hears that – what a let down!

(See: Killing Alkies – One Drunk At A TIme)

We say, “I don’t want to go back out there” and the insane mind says, “TOUGH SHIT!”

It is for these newcomers that I go to meetings – not to “Get what I need” or “Hear what I need to hear“- my “needs” are filled through Gods grace and guidance. (Morning meditation and prayer, awakenings of the educational variety, intuitive thoughts and inspiration He sends my way through my day and through others in fellowshipping with those on the same path)

Meetings aren’t supposed to self-centered. They are supposed to be “Help” centered - helping the newcomer.

I go to a meeting to find THAT GUY – that real alkie who comes and does NOT identify with most of what he hears about alcoholism because it just is not his experience. The war story with which he might be familiar seem to bring a certain small comfort — it may even bring him back for another meeting. It may even keep him “Coming back” for a while. But it never lasts – not for the real alcoholic. It lasted two years in my case.

I try to grab that new guy before someone else does. I get him outside and tell him what I know about alcoholism from my own experience – supported by the first forty three pages of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and see if that gets him – deep down, like it gets me. If it does- I tell him I will sponsor him through the Twelve Steps. Sometimes the middle-of-the-roaders steal him back and he dies – but trying is important to me.

Sorry to say, but for me the bulk of benefit from AA meetings comes before and after the meeting – not during – God help us!

Here’s what the co-authors thought about “MEMORIES” as a hedge against the next first-drink:

” The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.” (24:2)

My wife (“Saint Nancy”) – who is not one of us, got plastered ONCE. ONCE!

It was her Sweet Sixteenth birthday party. (And I gave her the stuff) She also got horribly sick from it. The morning after she said, “I’ll never do THAT again!”

Guess what?

YOU GOT IT!

She’s not one of us.

“Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.” (43:3)

Peace,

Danny S

Putting the Plug In The Jug Works . . . . .

. . . . just not for alcoholics.

Sometimes folks who propose such middle-of the -road solutions like “Put the Plug In The Jug” lso tend to be outspoken proponents of the “No steps” and “No God” method of apparent sobriety and are looked up to as the elder statesman and “old-timers” who show us that “it works”.

More often than no though they are simply hide the fact that there method of staying sober is not God centered – some even go to church – not as often as they go to meetings but they still base their sobriety on meetings. These are AAs with ten, twenty, thirty or more years of dry-time who ‘prove’ that meeting makers make it, aren’t they?

The tell us day in and day out that “Just don’t drink, and everything will be ok“. “If I can stay away from one drink for one day, my life will get better”.

Let me introduce, Al Z – from Connecticut. (Personal friend of mine) Al is a funny, outgoing, likeable guy of above average intelligence. He’s got to be one of the funniest guys in the world to drink with. I should know, I’ve drank with him hundreds of times in the 31 years I’ have known him. When Al and I were together we’d drink and get into all sorts of mischief — and lots of trouble too.

He could drink me under the table, for sure, continuing on extended sprees for days after I had long dried out and gone back to work. He was the guy at the wedding who just went absolutely bananas. He was the guy who every New Years Eve, and after Stag parties, disappeared for days on end, winding up in other States, once as far as Colorado and Vegas.

Now . . . put Al and I side by side, watch us drink. You could not, at first glance tell if there was a difference in our drinking habits, we BOTH drank so much and behaved so badly. We both could piss off as many people as could the other – wifes, bosses, business associates – whoever!

But there is s BIG difference between Al and me.

Al is not an alcoholic . . . and I am.

Like me, Al has an allergy to alcohol, so that whenever he takes so much as the slightest bit of alcohol into his system, he is “off to the races”. But Al gets drunk whenever he wants to.

He has just always “wanted to” too much. Although he can’t STOP once he starts, he CAN “not start” when he needs to stay sober. He always saved his “drunks” for those New Years Eve escapades or those wedding celebrations. He would avoid difficulties by just not picking up that first drink. And if he did that, everything was fine. He just sometimes made the choice to get shitfaced, a lot.

Now that Al has gotten married, he has a good reason to stop drinking — his wife will leave him if he doesn’t. Al decided it was time to grow up.

Al started going to AA meetings a few years ago, at the request of his new wife. But once he learned that all he had to do was “just don’t drink the first drink” and he’d never pick up the second one, he stopped going to meetings. He HAS power over alcohol. An alcoholic problem, for sure (allergy). But he has solved his alcohol problem on his own power; by staying away from the first one. He can do that…………….he is not an alcoholic.

Al has “Put the plug in the jug” — and dammit! it works for the son of a bitch!

Now if Al wanted to he could continue to go to AA meetings and tell everyone how he stays away from a drink by “just not drinking – no matter what”.

But Al has other things to do. He has a full life without AA, and although he has a ton of respect for the Fellowship he has realized that he has not yet gone “beyond human aid” (24:4) — and like my strawberry allergic sister who has solved her problem by ‘Just don’t eat strawberries’ — Al has solved HIS problem by not picking up the first drink anymore.

Life is good for my friend Al.

Peace,

Danny S