STICK WITH THE WINNERS

“From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment.” - Dr. Silkworth on encountering Bill W AFTER Bill’s transformation (spiritual experience)

I guess the good Doctor hadn’t heard that he shouldn’t be taking anyone’s inventory or be judgmental. He took Bill’s inventory all right and the store looked in fine shape.

It is only the businesses that are failing – going out of business – have poor inventories – that hate to be observed with a discerning eye.

I know – I worked on Wall Street for years doing just this. Good companies, just as people that are healthy inside and out, don’t mind being seen – they don’t mind the books being examined and they welcome the occasional discovery of a bad item so it can be discarded.

STICK WITH THE WINNERS – and the fellowship I crave forms around me like a “Pink Cloud”. Much like my internet and F2F life within the Fellowship. HA!

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

Some Threadbare Excuse

For many years no matter what the consequences of a spree, whether it was a twelve-hour spree or a four-day spree, I was always convinced that somehow, even if it got bad, it would be worth it.

There would be some “prize” at the end of the rainbow – like a good time, a skirt, or just a well deserved mini-vacation from whatever was eating at me in that moment – the problems du jour that are the excuses for drinking, when drinking is what we would do regardless.

You know . . . . some threadbare excuse for taking a drinking anyway.

“Even if I get sick and Nancy is mad, the experience is worth it.” Sorry to say, for a self-centered alcoholic like me it always WAS worth it, for YEARS.

Then the accumulated aggregate of consequences – the sack full of life being “not fair” in career, relationships finally built up to a grand case of self-pity.

Yet STILL that dreadful state was a mere cakewalk compared to the bottom I eventually hit – the alcoholic bottom where the soul is so sick it wants to kill itself.

I try not to mistake self-pity for an alcoholic-bottom anymore. I have been to both places – and sometimes can recognize the difference. Sometimes not.

Being sober for years – being the good fella – faking it till I make it – was not the solution for me. It was mere self-pity that drove me to seek help – not in any change of self, but in fellowship – AA meetings. But self-redirection did not last for this real McCoy.

I empathize with down-and-out folks who seek relief from the torch on their butts, from their burning consciences, from the losses of thing material. I wish I could convey to them that if they are really alcoholic the STILL may not find any relief before really hitting bottom. Even considering the degree of unhappiness they already find themselves, unless there is a spiritual awakening it gets worse, not better.

The good news is that once the awakening occurs, it is a transformation of total being that brings incredible awareness and power back into a life lost to selfishness, and recreates anew being to live a life that is useful, happy, and whole. Un-freakin‘-real.

I am presently the happiest I have ever been in my life. My family loves me, and I them, I can demonstrate it to them. My kids are well adjusted and live in what to me would have seemed a dreamland growing up. My wife’s dreams are coming true too. The plans we made together when we were sixteen and seventeen years old that never came together are HERE now.

We all go through each day one at a time. I feel useful for the first time in my life because I now know what I never knew and I keep learning, only having just scratched the surface.

I wish what I have upon everyone, alcoholic or not. If it gets any better than this, I just do not know WHAT I will do. It is beyond my comprehension. Pink clouds? No way. Gods grace for doing his work well? Definitely.

Peace,

Danny S