Acceptance From The Crypt

Willfully seeking Acceptance never brought me Serenity. I had to let God bestow both.

The moment I think that serenity and acceptance are things I can “go get”, or think myself into, I immediately lose all hope of ever attaining my goal – selfishly set.

Ironically, page 449 (417) caused me more anxiety than if I had never tried to glean acceptance from it – it kept me trying to “get it” on my own, willfully.

I kept reading and reading as if I could psychically suck the acceptance off the page for my own – conjuring the ghost of the dead author like a voodoo witch, taking his acceptance as my own – vicariously. It was unearned and hurt me in the long run because if provided only fleeting hypnotic relief. It was swamp gas.

Only true humility can bring me serenity – the deflation of self and taming of the will of the self.

Asking God that His will be done – NO MATTER WHAT – is the type of thinking my sponsor taught me and during difficult times. It has kept me (And he) on the beam, bringing right acceptance — breaking apart that thick wall built from the bricks of guilt, pride and fears. Letting that wall crumble exposed the gift – the wisdom to know the difference between what I can change and what I cannot.

Today I have written my own page 449, and share in the serenity that the author of page 449 shares.

So from where am I getting acceptance and serenity? What is its source?

Am I following the paths of those who went before me, doing what they did in order to experience what they experienced? Or am I a grave robber – selectively pulling whatever I can to feel better, out the tombs of the dead?

Peace,

Danny S