My Own Concept

Although it was their experience and their intent, I did not realize at first that the co-founders where proposing in the Big Book that I HAD to find “God”. How ever I conceptualized Him was of no import, as long as it was He.

I started with my Group, and this was all that was necessary for me to make a beginning. (We are not meant to end up with the same concept later, but for then, it was good enough).

I thought these Big Book thumpers were trying to cram THEIR God down my throat – and maybe some were – but mostly it was my own prejudice lying to me. The co-authors certainly were not trying to do that.

This prejudice and intolerance prohibited me from hearing THE message from a lot of truly loving folks who were there to help me when I was new.

The point I finally got was that they knew I needed to find a new power to solve my problems and I could not do until I removed MYSELF from being God – stop blowing my own fanfare out of my own ass.

It is easy to be stuck here unless we have an experienced sponsor – someone who has had the spiritual experience as the result of these steps and been given the power to help others.

Many people new at this, AAs sober 10, 15, 20 years who I have sponsored also get stuck here just like I did. It has been great to use the idea that my conception of God can be anything I like, as long as it makes sense to me. I have a written concept around somewhere; I will never show anybody. But it worked!

It made sense to me, so that when it came decision time (Step 3) I had a visualized entity. I said OK I have decided and started writing my fourth step. How did I know I had taken step three? I was on Step 4, that is how.

I really have no idea what God is like and I try to steer clear of those who claim to have that one definitive description. For all I know he’s an old, big fat, white bearded guy in a flowing robe – sitting on a huge purple velvet lined throne with Jesus sitting on one knee and Elvis on the other – and calls everyone “Cuz“.

That beats a light bulb,no?

At least the concept doesn’t make me feel like an idiot when I ask Him to remove my shortcomings – something that a chair or a doorknob may have difficulty doing.

“Sure Cuz!” He’d say! “Now go help that puking drunk.”

How can I expect a protegee to take me seriously when we get to Step 7 – if he needs to refer to a ceiling tile as “My Creator” – asking “it” for help in removing character defects?

I’d have to have a problem other than alcoholism, and also probably need a stay in a rubber room somewhere.

I only have my own “Conception” for recovery – and for living purposes that assists in abdicating me from the almighty throne.

I can however attest without prejudice to His loving nature which become operative in my life – but I have an innate feeling that all descriptions – whether biblical, whimsical or imaginary – ALL will fall well short of describing Him anyway.

So I don’t really try to be right about this. How can I be?

Trying to be right about God has been a futile ego trip for me in the past – when I was sure that I approached full comprehension or understanding of this Power, God.

I also know how I feel when someone else tries to get me to see their God the way THEY do. I don’t like it – do you?

All I know is the limited experience I have had with Him, most notably the realization that my agnosticism exposes itself in each and every self-sufficient moment I entertain when ego re-emerges – and it does so on a daily basis. I call it “creeping agnosticism”. Call it what you like. Ignore it to your own demise.

We tend to think of agnosticism in terms of an intellectual decree of some sort; “I am agnostic” or “I am atheist” or “I am God-fearing” or even “I believe“. I have yet to experience such spiritual perfection, proposed by terms such as these – and I am OK with this part of my humanness.

What choice is there other than this? Being self-righteous is the only other choice.

Peace,

Danny S

My Own Concept

Although it was their experience and their intent, I did not realize at first that the co-founders where proposing in the Big Book that I HAD to find “God”. How ever I conceptualized Him was of no import, as long as it was He.

I started with my Group, and this was all that was necessary for me to make a beginning. (We are not meant to end up with the same concept later, but for then, it was good enough).

I thought these Big Book thumpers were trying to cram THEIR God down my throat – and maybe some were – but mostly it was my own prejudice lying to me. The co-authors certainly were not trying to do that.

This prejudice and intolerance prohibited me from hearing THE message from a lot of truly loving folks who were there to help me when I was new.

The point I finally got was that they knew I needed to find a new power to solve my problems and I could not do until I removed MYSELF from being God – stop blowing my own fanfare out of my own ass.

It is easy to be stuck here unless we have an experienced sponsor – someone who has had the spiritual experience as the result of these steps and been given the power to help others.

Many people new at this, AAs sober 10, 15, 20 years who I have sponsored also get stuck here just like I did. It has been great to use the idea that my conception of God can be anything I like, as long as it makes sense to me. I have a written concept around somewhere; I will never show anybody. But it worked!

It made sense to me, so that when it came decision time (Step 3) I had a visualized entity. I said OK I have decided and started writing my fourth step. How did I know I had taken step three? I was on Step 4, that is how.

I really have no idea what God is like and I try to steer clear of those who claim to have that one definitive description. For all I know he’s an old, big fat, white bearded guy in a flowing robe – sitting on a huge purple velvet lined throne with Jesus sitting on one knee and Elvis on the other – and calls everyone “Cuz“.

That beats a light bulb,no?

At least the concept doesn’t make me feel like an idiot when I ask Him to remove my shortcomings – something that a chair or a doorknob may have difficulty doing.

“Sure Cuz!” He’d say! “Now go help that puking drunk.”

How can I expect a protegee to take me seriously when we get to Step 7 – if he needs to refer to a ceiling tile as “My Creator” – asking “it” for help in removing character defects?

I’d have to have a problem other than alcoholism, and also probably need a stay in a rubber room somewhere.

I only have my own “Conception” for recovery – and for living purposes that assists in abdicating me from the almighty throne.

I can however attest without prejudice to His loving nature which become operative in my life – but I have an innate feeling that all descriptions – whether biblical, whimsical or imaginary – ALL will fall well short of describing Him anyway.

So I don’t really try to be right about this. How can I be?

Trying to be right about God has been a futile ego trip for me in the past – when I was sure that I approached full comprehension or understanding of this Power, God.

I also know how I feel when someone else tries to get me to see their God the way THEY do. I don’t like it – do you?

All I know is the limited experience I have had with Him, most notably the realization that my agnosticism exposes itself in each and every self-sufficient moment I entertain when ego re-emerges – and it does so on a daily basis. I call it “creeping agnosticism”. Call it what you like. Ignore it to your own demise.

We tend to think of agnosticism in terms of an intellectual decree of some sort; “I am agnostic” or “I am atheist” or “I am God-fearing” or even “I believe“. I have yet to experience such spiritual perfection, proposed by terms such as these – and I am OK with this part of my humanness.

What choice is there other than this? Being self-righteous is the only other choice.

Peace,

Danny S

BYOG

Bring Your Own God

I did have a problem with religion when I can into the Fellowship.

I was against it.

I thought religious folk were hypocrites, pious and probably all going to hell all the while they thought they were going to heaven.

Then I found that AA had no GOD it wanted me to honor or worship. They said I could bring my own God. And they even were telling religious people to keep their own religion – if they wished to do so. That’s how I knew AA was not religion, because how could one bring a religion to a religion. It’d be against the religion.

Then I REALLY knew that it wasn’t a trick to get me to accept a religion. That was when they told me if I did not HAVE a God, then I could invent one as an experiment just so I could try out the treatment. That’s no that’s NOT a RELIGION talking. So it is pitiful to me when I see the Anti-AA Cults come marching in with their wiles about AA being a religion.

Since I was not initially on “Speaking terms” with the God of my understanding or anyone’s understanding for that matter. But something was necessary to step into place for ME as GOD. I took a temporary “god” – my AA group. That was all there was to making a beginning. Nothing more. Nothing less. Very uncomplicated and very un-mysterious once I got down to it.

Today I still have what some might term a “problem” with religions. I’m still totally against them for myself. If AA were a religion, I’d have nothing to do with it!! Yet I have developed an incredible relationship with my newfound Friend. He is my own concept, which I have never revealed to a single soul. He has never let me down. Not in life. Not in sobriety. THIS is spirituality in my life.

How it will be for you, I cannot say. But I hope you stick around long enough to tell me one day.

Peace,

Danny S

Click on "START"

What do you do after clicking the “Start” button?

You begin clicking through some more – going through your Programs – getting work done. Right? You wouldn’t pay $1,000 for a Start Button that didn’t take you further than that – would you?

But if you don’t click beyond “Start” – nothing more happens – except that you’ve STARTED. All you get is an expanded menu of possibilities (Suggestions?)

When this whole business about “Higher Power” and “Power greater than ourselves” is discussed by the co-authors of “Alcoholics Anonymous” – does anyone find it as interesting and as pertinent as I do that these concepts are prefaced and qualified with other expressions like “In the beginning” and “To make a start”?

Once we go beyond Step Two – these concepts are completely dropped and the power always comes from God. It’s a God of our own understanding – that makes sense to us – but God all the same.

Many of us who chose NOT to participate in the full Program portion – the Twelve Steps – never get beyond the “Start” or the “Beginning” – and we all know what happens to real alcoholics who fail to get beyond the beginning – they drink.

To WIT: Jim the salesman, Fred the Accountant, me, (I did) maybe you too, and don’t forget those with whom we work with daily who balk – perhaps on amends, meditation, prayer, inventories and sponsoring.

It is common for example to hear folks say “I’ve taken the steps” – but what they do not say is that they HAVE NOT completed their amends and/or don’t take others through them. (I know. . . I know . . . we have ALL been told that it’s OK to take YEARS to finish amends. Tell that to the guy who just called me last week after a three month tear – who just took that advice he heard in “the rooms”)

Many I’ve seen and with whom I’ve worked – drink eventually on unfinished amends. Even worse – until till they complete amends, present conflicting pictures of recovery with their own life as an example. They are often still experiencing the emotional and spiritual difficulties associated with untreated alcoholism. All the while telling the newcomer “I’ve done it” flashing sobriety dates as the proof!

I notice this to be particularly the case with folks who seek out alternative heavily “Buffered” methods of “Step taking” like AWOL. The AA Program, unadulterated, is just too tall an order and they cannot go through with it.

You’ll see this when people qualify their “program” by mentioning their sober time – usually under the guise of giving hope to the newcomer. I know that when I want to give hope the newcomer it’s telling him how I recovered and I bring him to my home to see how I live – NOT try to impress them with how much time I’ve got. There are WAY too many non-alcoholic hard drinkers with whom the real alcoholic newcomer DOES NOT IDENTIFY – playing THAT card, diluting any positive effect that may have.

The old “If I can do it – so can you” idea is just plain ineffective. It’s like, “SO WHAT?” “My sister hasn’t had a drink in that long either — and she’s a freakin‘ mess! But if that’s all you know, I suppose that’s all you have to offer – a “Good word” is a hell of a lot easier than “Good work”.

Does anyone REALLY THINK that some poor slob about to pull that steering wheel and shoot into the parking lot of the liquor store is going to suddenly get stricken sober and get a boost of sudden WILLPOWER with the thought, “Wait a minute, old Pete has 30 years – I can do it too,” -and then steer straight past that store?

If they do – then they DON’T understand alcoholism.

Yeah, I guess they do think that. PHULEEZE! Hard drinkers might be capable of such a thing – but I don’t identify with them at ALL!

I am sure most of us remember the from Paul Simon album title, “Still Crazy After All These Years.”

It ain’t pretty. (Down-right ugly!)

Peace,

Danny S