Question: Describe "Alcoholic"
Time’s up. Pencils down!
Have you ever heard someone say that they “ALWAYS KNEW” they were alcoholic. I’m sure you have. You may have said it yourself at times. I know I have – sorry to say.
Then how come if I ask what an alcoholic is, I can’t get an answer that’s even CLOSE to what my Big Book clearly tells me? How can that be? Keep in mind now that these are folks attending AA meetings and who are trying to fit in an be members – benefiting from the AA experience.
They can tell us about all the grief that drinking has caused them. They can give a freakin‘ drunkologue that will have you weeping into your cocoa puffs and balling through the night
But to give an actual definition, or better yet – give “Our description of the alcoholic” – they can’t do it.
So how do they know if they are alcoholic or not – and if AA is for them? They don’t.
Some coming to meetings for double digit years – getting their buck-an-hour group rap sessions without ever qualifying – thinking they are members – not passing on the “THIS” message – not giving away the common solution to real alcoholics – telling them things that THEY do to stay sober – that will KILL the real alkie. What a disgrace.
My friend Mickey Bush, an alcoholic if ever there was one (and an addict too) - say
s he’s got two parrots, Bill & Bob. He’s taught them to say “I’m an alcoholic.. . . I’m an alcoholic” - but are they alcoholic just because they SAY SO? (Please don’t confuse AA membership with diagnosis. No one is an alcoholic just because they SAY SO.)
Well, if I stand in the middle of a used car lot – does that make me a Buick? If I go down the street here on The Peninsula of Doom and jump into Vineyard Bay – and swim across it to Martha’s Vineyard = does that make me a Striped Bass?
No, what is likely to have happened is that they . . (Not the parrots) . . walked into an AA meeting and some arrogant ass said to him the same thing that was said to me. It was something like “No one gets here by accident. If you are here you are an alcoholic”.
Or maybe . . .
“It’s Friday night and your in a church basement with us. You MUST be an alcoholic.”
WHOA! Wait just a cotton pickin‘ minute there guy. What ever happened to “We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.” (31:3) See link
What will you will be told about these beautiful words from our Big Book? You will told that you are too STUPID to diagnose yourself. Of course it may not be said in those words. It may be couched in something like, “Your best thinking got you into your current mess so you can’ t trust your thinking” – but this is the stuff we hear all the time in AA.
Ok. But you can trust someone who doesn’t even know what “Our description of the alcoholic” is? – - who hasn’t learned for themselves the distinction between and alcoholic and a non-alcoholic? – - who thinks that anyone who drinks too much – too often, automatically is alcoholic and therefor qualifies for membership in AA?
You may be told that
your brain is still “In the fog”, or some other such condescending tripe. Meanwhile, the Big Books historical accounts, ALL of which are about twelve stepping by the way, show case after case of still shakin’ and bakin’ alcoholics being taught to do just that – learn to make the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic and see if they identify.
“In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic.” (44:0)
It is the ONLY way to concede to ones innermost self your condition – being TOLD you are alcoholic is NOT.
Wouldn’t it nice if when someone comes up to another says he doesn’t know whether or not he’s an alcoholic, if you they don’t know, they might want to set the ego aside and say something meaningful and helpful – like “I don’t know.”
Then they could be sent someone else in the home group who knows what they heck he’s talking about. It may save a life, instead of kill someone. Or send him to me – I do know as w
as passed onto me. I do not make the aforementioned “proclamation” – but I sure as hell will show that person, in AA’s Big Book where the diagnosis is – so he can LEARN whether or not he qualifies. Then if I am satisfied – by hearing his story, supported with his new found knowledge – that he is “One of us” (Not one of “me” of “US”) then I can take the time to show him the solution we have found.
I want to make sure he’s the real deal because as far as I know no one has EVER recovered from alcoholism who didn’t actually HAVE alcoholism – and if I waste time with someone who cannot recover from a malady they do not have – I may deprive another truly suffering individual from what we have to offer.
Yes it is an exclusive club – for alcoholics only! Not hard drinkers, not lonely hearts, not cheap bastards whose insurance has run out for out-patient therapy, not drug addicts, not over eaters – JUST ALCOHOLICS – those who suffer from alcoholism – by “Our description” – No
t yours, not mine, not Oprahs, not Dr, Phils, not your family doctors, not your “addictions counselors” – just “OURS”.
As Tradition States: ” Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. “ If you do not suffer from alcoholism or if you don’t want to recover – sorry, but bye bye . Let’s go fishing sometime – and we’ll talk about your food addiction – but right now I haven’t time to spare for it.
Someone else is dying from untreated alcoholism and the teaching and practicing the twelve steps for the benefit of the alcoholic – so he can RECOVER – is the SOLE purpose of the AA group and my primary purpose.
Peace,
Danny S
A Million Little Pieces Of……………
A few months ago, I gave a piece of “Strangely Insane” to my sister, to read. She gave it back to me and said, “Maybe your book will be as big a deal as A Million Little Pieces”
I had not heard of it and she explained to me what the book was about and about Oprah’s Book Club, the whole deal. I thought WOW. But it brought mixed feelings.
First, having the egotistical streak I still do, I felt a slight tinge of disappointment. Gee, somebody else is doing this? You mean I am not the only one. The other was, Well, with the wild success of that book, perhaps the groundwork has been laid in the genre that surely has more room for the subject.
I began to read the book out of curiosity. (And because so many people had asked me if I had read it once they became aware that I was writing a book about alcoholism)
I could not get through much of it – for reasons I will touch on in another article. (For now let us just say it had a bad ring to it.
Now, apparently James Frey’s story is probably largely fictitious. Once again, I have mixed feelings. I almost feel badly for the guy, but I am far from surprised. I work with un-recovered alcoholics everyday, so there is no way I can be surprised. (SEE FAQ here please)
The only method of true recovery of which I am aware that really works is one, one eschewed by Frey, requires RIGOROUS HONESTY.
There is an old axiom amongst recovered alcoholics that asks the question: “What do you get when you remove the alcohol from alcoholic”
The answer: “IC”.
I do not want to belabor the point. But lets. Shall we?
My wife and I were talking about it this morning on our way into Hyannis. (She has been supporting us, working in a floor tile store while I pursue my writing career.) We are both grateful that I have never had to resort to embellishing any part of my recovery story. The story I tell is one that is the same one I tell from podiums when I speak publicly. It is rigorously honest – an honesty that has been necessary for me to adopt as a way of life necessary to recover from alcoholism. this is not because I am such a saint, but because if I resort to my old behaviors I am sunk. 
There is no need to fabricate any part of a true story of recovery, because they will, by default, focus on the SOLUTION, not the PROBLEM. Whereas the typical “drunkalogue “will focus solely on the gritty PROBLEMS because in it there is no SOLUTION.
What it boils down to is this: Dishonesty, drinking, drugging, lying, stealing, criminal behaviors; these are all SYMPTOMS of an underlying problem. Take away the booze from a drunken horse thief, and all we have left is a sober horse thief.
It is for the best that Frey’s trash is raked through the coals. I believe that “A Million Little Pieces” (At least the little pieces through which I managed to suffer) proposes to harm real alcoholics – perhaps fatally for some.
While entertaining the unknowing and inexperienced readers (Like Oprah herself) with drama and what we in recovery circles call “drunkologue“, it also has the potential of proffering false hope to Real McCoys who desperately WANT to believe that they still have power – power over a malady for which there really is no human aid.
Such notions must be SHATTERED in order to recover from alcoholism, not bolstered.
The press has no tolerance for liars. Frey is now discovering this. God almighty! After having devoted my life to writing about recovery, I sure as hell would not want to be called “The Man Who Conned Oprah”. 
OPRAH? Are you kidding me? I would rather get an icepick in the forehead than screw with Oprah!
IF Frey indeed is a REAL ALCOHOLIC, then untreated alcoholism is his problem. If he had recovered, there would be something to tell. His story would have weight and depth on its own – without any invention whatsoever.
Perhaps now James Frey will see just how powerless he really is, make amends, and cut the Bullshale. He will have a chance at real recovery if he does.
I wish James would get a hold of me.
Now that he has given up the harmful substances, he has a chance to get well too – get down to the root causes that screwed him up to begin with. I can help him recover. MANY atheists like him recover.
Peace,
Danny S
Does Dr. Phil know squat?
The first three Big Book Chapters helped me know the
difference between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If I did not
know this difference, how could I distinguish and diagnose self into
AA as a member? Dr. Phil might have a conception of alcoholism which
is very different from mine, which may be very different from AA’s.
Since I wish to join AA, it is very important for me to understand
what AA’S description of the alcoholic is. Dr Phil or Oprah might
think an alcoholic is someone who “drinks too much” and has “wrecked
his health” from drinking. For these purposes these definitions are
irrelevant unless I am turning to Oprah or Dr Phil for help. But I
am not, I am turning to AA for help at this point. So it was very
important for me to know:
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?: “help our readers determine, to their own
satisfaction, whether they are one of us?”
HOW ARE THEY DOING IT?:
“we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse”
WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?: because “We learned that we had to fully
concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the
first step in recovery.”
HOW DO THEY JUSTIFY THIS APPROACH?: “The delusion that we are like
other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.”
Peace,
Danny S
Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?
Danny is a born and bred New Yorker, (1957) who grew up in “da Bronx”, New York City and has lived most of his life in the borough of Queens. He now lives on Cape Cod in Massachusetts with his wife Nancy and their two children, Danny Jr. and Kristen.
The Schwarzhoffs are a complete family unit enjoying emotional, mental and physical health and a harmonious lifestyle free from harmful stress. Both children are Honor Roll students in their schools, are socially active and well balanced in all areas of their lives. In July, 2011 the Schwarzhoffs celebrated their thirty second wedding anniversary.
He writes. He plays guitar. Danny was born May 7, 1957. His parents divorced when he was five and he is the product of an alcoholic family life visa vi his mother’s live-in boyfriend who was an alcoholic.Danny himself is an alcoholic. He refers to himself as a “Recovered alcoholic” – no longer suffering from the malady. He got sober for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober since.He owns several popular and enduring blogs about alcoholism, meditation, recovery and the Twelve Step based solutions to life’s problems. For eight years standing, both Google and Yahoo have rated Danny as the number one, top rated “Recovered Alcoholic”.
He calls himself a “Real Live Recovered Alcoholic”; no longer suffering from the malady. Danny stopped drinking for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober ever since. He has over thirty years experience with a special form of non-religious, spiritual meditation that he teaches and writes about in tandem with his unique style of carrying the Twelve Step message of recovery that emphasizes this unique meditation technique. He claim it is the missing link in Twelve Step Recovery and has devoted his life to delivering it to the world, beginning with the alcoholic.
Danny was first exposed to the meditation technique he prescribes when he was about five years old. It happened following a traumatic experience with his mother’s violent, alcoholic live-in boyfriend. In order to deal with the humiliation and resentment he experienced at the hands of this man Danny stumbled upon the technique – which he later recognized as meditation – in order to protect himself from the harms caused by that painful traumatic experience. He was able to dislocate his emotions much in the same way that the circus contortionist might dislocate a shoulder. Miraculously, when the experience was over he realized that he no longer hated the man for beating him.
Armed with his secret ‘gimmick’, life could never be quite the same. Then in his teen years he discontinued the mystic ‘dislocation’ practice and descended into the perverse world of active alcoholism, suffering mental and physical dysfunction for nearly two decades. Then in 1999 during a “white light” spiritual experience everything changed and he was able once again to ‘meditate’. He has never needed to look back. He continues to apply this method in all areas of life and has continued to enjoy mental, emotional and physical well-being as well as spiritual healthfulness. Now he teaches the technique to others principally through working with alcoholics who are attempting to go through the Twelve Step Recovery process.
Not only has Danny fully recovered from alcoholism and substance abuse but through this technique integrated into the Twelve Step process he has been able to overcome major depression, anxiety, smoking, onset type II diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, sugar addiction, colitis, hemorrhoids, and even erectile dysfunction. His doctors have un-prescribed virtually all of the prescriptions he has been given in the past decade including Lipitor, TriCore, and ADD medications like Adderall as well as the antidepressant drugs Effexor, Welbutrin and Lexapro.
He first began writing in the mid 70s when he landed a job as publicist and advertising director for a Bronx produce company. He wrote advertising copy and press releases for the company and directed all of their marketing and promotion until 1982. After several years as a Lobbyist in Washing DC serving the United Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Association he left to start his own weekly tabloid newspaper where he was Editor-in Chief of “The Fruit & Vegetable Reporter.” He wrote most of the tabloids feature stories and much of the news copy. Danny has published articles in Grapevine, AA’s magazine for Alcoholics, and also in the Barnstable Patriot on Cape Cod.
The late 80s and 90s brought Danny to Wall Street in New York City when he became a stockbroker. One of his firms became the subject of the movie “Boiler Room” – a factoid which fuels much of his storytelling on the subject of alcoholism, spiritual dysfunction and substance abuse in the workplace. In the late 90s he moved to Cape Cod where he began writing, working with alcoholics, and breeding thoroughbred racing pigeons. He also began working for several rehab centers aiding addiction counselors with rehabilitating alcoholics and drug addicts.
Today Danny give regular public talks on alcoholism and recovery. He has conducted Twelve Step workshops at recovery conferences in Boston, New York and in Denmark as well as at Dartmouth College (UMASS).
Although frequently consulted by treatment facility administrators and those in the recovery business Danny does not affiliate with any treatment center or rehabs. He hasn’t got any recovery models to sell. He gives his meditation exercise away for free and only writes of his experience on the subject with one goal in mind. He wants to persuade others to try it and to experience an entire change of being and lifestyle through it. He is not an authority on any recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations as a spiritually awakened and Recovered Alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “Twelve Step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous or as a form of therapy.
Biographic disclaimer: Sometimes the question of anonymity arises – along with the issue of whether or not Danny is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). If Danny were a member of AA, he would violate AAs traditions by saying so publicly. He would also be lying if he were a member and denied it. So in order to respect that organizations traditions he does not answer that question publicly. However, Danny does want his readers to know that AA has earned his respect and he approves of AAs Twelve Step Program. He also does not think that AA has a monopoly on recovery from alcoholism and that AA is not for everyone. He has attended AA meetings and has done extensive research into its history and Twelve Step Program and is an ardent practitioner of the Twelve Steps. He writes about some of these observations regarding AAs Program, Fellowship and history.
Danny Schwarzhoff is a recovered alcoholic and a writer by trade. He is not an authority on ANY recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations based upon that experience as a RECOVERED alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “twelve step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous. Please see the FAQ for more information.
By Nancy Lee Schwarzhoff
Personal Note: I am so grateful to have gotten my husband back. We have been married now for almost twenty-seven years. He became someone I no longer recognized; certainly not the wonderful guy I fell in love with; who made me laugh, who held doors for me, who was truthful and honest; who was going to go out into the world and make a difference – who loved me and didn’t mind showing it. I lost that guy, during the years that he drank. To anyone who has an alcoholic spouse I truly hope you find what my husband has stumbled into. The joy and serenity that has come back is truly a second chance for both of us.
I hope we all enjoy his new book. (He swears he will start looking for a publisher soon!) On the too few occasions that he gives me a few pages to read I end up laughing and crying all on the same page. (I am sure he does that on purpose, knowing him like I do) Then again I went through much of it. So much he never let me know about. He kept so much inside of him. He became secretive and I wondered “How could I have been so mistaken about him?” I questioned whether he loved me at all and what I did to cause him to turn the way he seemed to be. We had no idea what was happening to him. To us.
Even though Dan has been writing his whole life, this is his first attempt at a real book. When he started it a little over a year ago, I knew in my heart that it was something he should do and have been as supportive (through my fears) as I could. I was shocked when suddenly he said he had over 200,000 words written! How he did that, I don’t know. I guess there is still much I don’t know about him as a RECOVERED alcoholic. I am sure he would have started it and given up in our old life. Things are still changing for us everyday.
Although it may or may not be a best seller; it may not conform what to some people think they already know about alcoholics, I will tell you that it is all true and amazing to me. Even his new found recovered friends are just the most amazing, larger than life wonderful people I have ever met in my life. Believe it or not, even the still sick ones he brings here to the house, still drunk!
Danny gets some pretty heavily criticism for being so outspoken. I must say, he does have a knack for cutting to the chase. This bothers some people, especially other un-recovered drunks – who do not even know him past his writings. But if they can deal with their own sensitivities, as I have learned, they will find my husband to be a loving and generous man with a passion for sobriety like none we can imagine. And it is only because of sobriety that it shows. Again.
I know Danny’s talk. He certainly does not walk his own talk a hundred percent. He is far from being a saint. Not on your life! But he does seem to have a skill for catching it before too much harm can come of it. And he helps an awful lot of people. I do admire that in him. But do not ever let him tell you that he walks the talk twenty-four hours a day.
There are second chances in life, happiness, and family. It is waiting for you, inside of you. I hope you find it.
- Love Always, Nancy
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