‘Pop-AA’ – The Easier – Softer Alcoholics Anonymous
In our little Big Book Study we were on page 89 which talks about “Working with others.” I was taught that working with others means being a Good Samaritan – you know, being a newcomer chauffeur, making coffee, sweeping up after meetings. Yes I am old enough to have even cleaned a few AA ashtrays in New York City where I first joined the Fellowship.
Doing these things is a wonderful experience. It is participatory and proactive work. We know that newcomers benefit greatly from that kind of “out of self” activity. I know that I did.
But is it the “working with others” that the co-founders discovered was key to permanent sobriety?
I was TOLD that the “work” prescribed in the Big Book was “old-school” and that most of it could not be performed “these days” that many ideas in the Big Book was antiquated so they had to be reconsidered – so I needed instead to play the Good Samaritan and just be helpful in any way I could. “Put out a hand” - whatever the hell that means. I think I means just being friendly and giving out phone numbers in the church parking lot. Stuff we should be doing anyway – just to be civil – not part a “Program”.
Then I realized that the folks who had converted the “working with others” prescribed in the Program to these more modern methods weren’t really Twelve Steppers. “You know that Big Book was written in the 30’s and things have changed. We can’t do what they did back then.“
Oh and here’s my favorites: “The rehabs have taken over. We don’t get that work anymore.” Really? The rehabs are taking alcoholics through the Twelve Steps and the “clients” are having spiritual awakenings as the result of the step they take in rehab?
You’re kidding, right?
Keep dreaming and YOU WISH! What a great way to excuse yourself from working with other alcoholics. I suppose they also think that AA is nothing more than a “ongoing – outpatient treatment” facility for the Treatment Industry.
That’s what the Treatment Centers use AA for – do they not? I wonder how much money they send to AA for that. Nothing! It is called Theft Of Services - and AA, by it’s own Traditions, being the altruistic Fellowship it is – cannot object.
I figured, “Well if just being a nice and helpful guy” - combined with “putting the plug in the jug” were all that was needed – then why is it that I HAVE to do it in AA? I can be nice, helpful, and exert my will ANYWHERE. Why should I have to “go to meetings” too? The answers where incredible. “There’s magic in the coffee pots”, is a gem – of course my Mr. Coffee at home could be as “magical”, no?
There are folks in AA who actually have convinced themselves and others that bringing cake and making coffee and baking cookies is STEP TWELVE. Astonishing! (See: Coffee & Cake 12 Stepping)
I was brainwashed and ‘more fool me’.
Yes, the ‘Pop-AA’ fellowshippers had a way of making my un-recovered and still aching ass feel guilty if I didn’t “go to enough meetings”. They tried to instill fear in me that if I didn’t do it “their way” that I would drink and die.
The problem is that “their way” was NOT the way of the co-founders who had found a solution to alcoholism. What those fellowshipers had found a solution to was something other that “Our description of the alcoholic” It was THEIR own “Description of the alcoholic” – and the two descriptions just did not jive. In many instances they are 180 degrees apart form each other.
For example, (i)AA proposes that no matter what an alcoholic cannot WILL himself sober – that help must come from God and that help is permanent if spiritual principles are followed. They have no choice in the matter of drink.
(ii) Pop-AA meeting hobbyists say that they stay sober by willing themselves NOT TO DRINK – no matter what. They CHOSE not to drink a day at a time – and can either take or leave spiritual principles – they will STILL not drink if they stick with other people.
Those two ideas are exact opposites of each other.
Many of the folks I encountered we “Fellowshippers” staying sober by “just not drinking” and going from meeting to meeting, day by day, for support and human aid. They didn’t HAVE a Program or if they did it was this newer and supposedly improved program that gave great lip service to some major
AA principles but was practiced sporadically, at best, and not at all at worst.
Oh sure, I bumped into the occasional – read that as “hardly ever” - recovered alcoholic who HAD had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps and who WAS willing to carry the “this” message to me by taking me through the steps – but as many alkies, a good ol’ 90-in-90 provided enough relief so that the path of LEAST RESISTANCE – which is middle-of-the-road solutions based sobriety provided by “just showing up” – was FAR more attractive than taking the drastic and arduous actions prescribed by the co-founders in the big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous”.
The man who originally Twelve Stepped me into the spiritual solution died suddenly and I needed a rudder by which to steer. I gave up the spiritual approach in favor of the easier-softer-way. I was a fool.
Experience tells me that there was probably a good and “Godly” reason why the recovery path is just this way many of us – rife with mistakes that kills other alcoholics while some of us get through alive. Some of us so not. None of us do this perfectly – maybe if only so we can tell the story as I have just done.
Peace,
Danny S
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Let This Cat Out!
I’m letting you in on a little secret. It shouldn’t be a secret – but it is. To let this out of the bag means that we would have expose ourselves and whether or not we are dead weights in this Fellowship or not.
How would you like to have those haunting character defects removed? You know you would! Well, I have an answer to that. Go work with another alcoholic – not just ANY work – but THE work.
I am not taking about buying a newcomer a chicken sandwich and a cup of coffee – or driving him to a meeting – or picking him up from the courthouse. That’s not what the co-founder tell us to do – you lazy AA dead-weight! I mean perform your work well – the REAL work – the work described in the Chapter “Working With Others” - and do what we are supposed to be trained and have experienced ourselves in order to do – as passed on to us.
Take him through the Twelve Steps!
Look, I have my share of defects – that much I guarantee – but I know serenity. I know courage. I know what it is to have that elusive happiness, joyousness and freedom. But I have never had to tell a protogee, “Excuse me for a moment – we will get back to this step after I call my sponsor before I drink.” It just never happens.
Do you know why? Because character defects have NEVER cropped up when I was taking another man through the steps. NEVER EVER! The more I am working with others in this way – the further I get away from these. It is the ONLY way I know of to be free. And it also happens to be the only real purpose of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I know – you thought it was to stop drinking. Well, “Sooprize Sooprize Sooprize Sargent Carter!”
Being a good Samaritan never has never removed my defects – only to the extent that I can be useful – never to the extent that I can claim any virtue for myself – have they ever gone away.
We even have the seventh Step Prayer that qualifies WHICH defects of character I can expect to be removed: “defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.” Get it?
The rest I can sit an suffer with – until the next sick, puking alcoholic is in front of me and we go to work. You I 
and both know people who can’t understand why it is that they STILL have all these character defects haunting them around the clock.
The answer to them is simple: They haven’t got a sick and suffering alcoholic to take through the twelve steps. Some folks NEVER do that!
They want to “do service” - they want to “not hurt anybody” – they want to “be a powerful example” – they want to “just show up” and fantasize that THAT’S how they help others – and whatever else they can do EXCEPT take another alkie through the steps. They are missing a great deal.
They still suffer with their defects too. No one told them.
Our character defects aren’t removed so we can feel good – so we can get spiritual – so we can “not drink”. PUHLEEZE! Our defects are removed to the extent that we use our new selves and free states of being for the benefit of God’s work and helping others. Get anything else out of your self-centered greedy little mind.
It’s very simple – the more we work with others – the less our character defects “Crop up” If I want less “Cropping” – then I do more working.
Are you already doing this? Beautiful! You know what it’s like to have your character defects removed – how to remain humble enough to live with the ones that crop up and you are NOT a dead weight in a Fellowship of dead-weights.
You are my AA Hero and I thank you for being on the Broad Highway with us.
Peace,
Danny S
The Most Embarassing Page In The Big Book
Want to get a little “red faced”?
Here is an important Big Book quote you will NEVER see cut and pasted on the Internet….
….you will NEVER hear quoted in a discussion meeting.
It is page 97 and it is just too dammed embarrassing:
“A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights’ sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night.” (97:1)You don’t need my comments on this, do you?
Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?
Danny is a born and bred New Yorker, (1957) who grew up in “da Bronx”, New York City and has lived most of his life in the borough of Queens. He now lives on Cape Cod in Massachusetts with his wife Nancy and their two children, Danny Jr. and Kristen.
The Schwarzhoffs are a complete family unit enjoying emotional, mental and physical health and a harmonious lifestyle free from harmful stress. Both children are Honor Roll students in their schools, are socially active and well balanced in all areas of their lives. In July, 2011 the Schwarzhoffs celebrated their thirty second wedding anniversary.
He writes. He plays guitar. Danny was born May 7, 1957. His parents divorced when he was five and he is the product of an alcoholic family life visa vi his mother’s live-in boyfriend who was an alcoholic.Danny himself is an alcoholic. He refers to himself as a “Recovered alcoholic” – no longer suffering from the malady. He got sober for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober since.He owns several popular and enduring blogs about alcoholism, meditation, recovery and the Twelve Step based solutions to life’s problems. For eight years standing, both Google and Yahoo have rated Danny as the number one, top rated “Recovered Alcoholic”.
He calls himself a “Real Live Recovered Alcoholic”; no longer suffering from the malady. Danny stopped drinking for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober ever since. He has over thirty years experience with a special form of non-religious, spiritual meditation that he teaches and writes about in tandem with his unique style of carrying the Twelve Step message of recovery that emphasizes this unique meditation technique. He claim it is the missing link in Twelve Step Recovery and has devoted his life to delivering it to the world, beginning with the alcoholic.
Danny was first exposed to the meditation technique he prescribes when he was about five years old. It happened following a traumatic experience with his mother’s violent, alcoholic live-in boyfriend. In order to deal with the humiliation and resentment he experienced at the hands of this man Danny stumbled upon the technique – which he later recognized as meditation – in order to protect himself from the harms caused by that painful traumatic experience. He was able to dislocate his emotions much in the same way that the circus contortionist might dislocate a shoulder. Miraculously, when the experience was over he realized that he no longer hated the man for beating him.
Armed with his secret ‘gimmick’, life could never be quite the same. Then in his teen years he discontinued the mystic ‘dislocation’ practice and descended into the perverse world of active alcoholism, suffering mental and physical dysfunction for nearly two decades. Then in 1999 during a “white light” spiritual experience everything changed and he was able once again to ‘meditate’. He has never needed to look back. He continues to apply this method in all areas of life and has continued to enjoy mental, emotional and physical well-being as well as spiritual healthfulness. Now he teaches the technique to others principally through working with alcoholics who are attempting to go through the Twelve Step Recovery process.
Not only has Danny fully recovered from alcoholism and substance abuse but through this technique integrated into the Twelve Step process he has been able to overcome major depression, anxiety, smoking, onset type II diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, sugar addiction, colitis, hemorrhoids, and even erectile dysfunction. His doctors have un-prescribed virtually all of the prescriptions he has been given in the past decade including Lipitor, TriCore, and ADD medications like Adderall as well as the antidepressant drugs Effexor, Welbutrin and Lexapro.
He first began writing in the mid 70s when he landed a job as publicist and advertising director for a Bronx produce company. He wrote advertising copy and press releases for the company and directed all of their marketing and promotion until 1982. After several years as a Lobbyist in Washing DC serving the United Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Association he left to start his own weekly tabloid newspaper where he was Editor-in Chief of “The Fruit & Vegetable Reporter.” He wrote most of the tabloids feature stories and much of the news copy. Danny has published articles in Grapevine, AA’s magazine for Alcoholics, and also in the Barnstable Patriot on Cape Cod.
The late 80s and 90s brought Danny to Wall Street in New York City when he became a stockbroker. One of his firms became the subject of the movie “Boiler Room” – a factoid which fuels much of his storytelling on the subject of alcoholism, spiritual dysfunction and substance abuse in the workplace. In the late 90s he moved to Cape Cod where he began writing, working with alcoholics, and breeding thoroughbred racing pigeons. He also began working for several rehab centers aiding addiction counselors with rehabilitating alcoholics and drug addicts.
Today Danny give regular public talks on alcoholism and recovery. He has conducted Twelve Step workshops at recovery conferences in Boston, New York and in Denmark as well as at Dartmouth College (UMASS).
Although frequently consulted by treatment facility administrators and those in the recovery business Danny does not affiliate with any treatment center or rehabs. He hasn’t got any recovery models to sell. He gives his meditation exercise away for free and only writes of his experience on the subject with one goal in mind. He wants to persuade others to try it and to experience an entire change of being and lifestyle through it. He is not an authority on any recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations as a spiritually awakened and Recovered Alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “Twelve Step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous or as a form of therapy.
Biographic disclaimer: Sometimes the question of anonymity arises – along with the issue of whether or not Danny is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). If Danny were a member of AA, he would violate AAs traditions by saying so publicly. He would also be lying if he were a member and denied it. So in order to respect that organizations traditions he does not answer that question publicly. However, Danny does want his readers to know that AA has earned his respect and he approves of AAs Twelve Step Program. He also does not think that AA has a monopoly on recovery from alcoholism and that AA is not for everyone. He has attended AA meetings and has done extensive research into its history and Twelve Step Program and is an ardent practitioner of the Twelve Steps. He writes about some of these observations regarding AAs Program, Fellowship and history.
Danny Schwarzhoff is a recovered alcoholic and a writer by trade. He is not an authority on ANY recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations based upon that experience as a RECOVERED alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “twelve step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous. Please see the FAQ for more information.
By Nancy Lee Schwarzhoff
Personal Note: I am so grateful to have gotten my husband back. We have been married now for almost twenty-seven years. He became someone I no longer recognized; certainly not the wonderful guy I fell in love with; who made me laugh, who held doors for me, who was truthful and honest; who was going to go out into the world and make a difference – who loved me and didn’t mind showing it. I lost that guy, during the years that he drank. To anyone who has an alcoholic spouse I truly hope you find what my husband has stumbled into. The joy and serenity that has come back is truly a second chance for both of us.
I hope we all enjoy his new book. (He swears he will start looking for a publisher soon!) On the too few occasions that he gives me a few pages to read I end up laughing and crying all on the same page. (I am sure he does that on purpose, knowing him like I do) Then again I went through much of it. So much he never let me know about. He kept so much inside of him. He became secretive and I wondered “How could I have been so mistaken about him?” I questioned whether he loved me at all and what I did to cause him to turn the way he seemed to be. We had no idea what was happening to him. To us.
Even though Dan has been writing his whole life, this is his first attempt at a real book. When he started it a little over a year ago, I knew in my heart that it was something he should do and have been as supportive (through my fears) as I could. I was shocked when suddenly he said he had over 200,000 words written! How he did that, I don’t know. I guess there is still much I don’t know about him as a RECOVERED alcoholic. I am sure he would have started it and given up in our old life. Things are still changing for us everyday.
Although it may or may not be a best seller; it may not conform what to some people think they already know about alcoholics, I will tell you that it is all true and amazing to me. Even his new found recovered friends are just the most amazing, larger than life wonderful people I have ever met in my life. Believe it or not, even the still sick ones he brings here to the house, still drunk!
Danny gets some pretty heavily criticism for being so outspoken. I must say, he does have a knack for cutting to the chase. This bothers some people, especially other un-recovered drunks – who do not even know him past his writings. But if they can deal with their own sensitivities, as I have learned, they will find my husband to be a loving and generous man with a passion for sobriety like none we can imagine. And it is only because of sobriety that it shows. Again.
I know Danny’s talk. He certainly does not walk his own talk a hundred percent. He is far from being a saint. Not on your life! But he does seem to have a skill for catching it before too much harm can come of it. And he helps an awful lot of people. I do admire that in him. But do not ever let him tell you that he walks the talk twenty-four hours a day.
There are second chances in life, happiness, and family. It is waiting for you, inside of you. I hope you find it.
- Love Always, Nancy
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