The First Drink Gets Me . . . . . . . . .

. . . . Warm? Fuzzy? High? Sick? Plastered?

Going back a few years there is an old article somewhere in the archives of this site about my friend Al – so some of this may find his story familiar. You have friends like Al. You might be just like Al yourself. But I am always reminded of Al whenever someone asks about “The First Drink Gets Me Drunk”.

I am also reminded of my own drinking history but sometimes I get sick of talking about me. So be careful if you ever get close to me – because I might one day talk about YOU! ( I use Al sometimes when doing talks and Workshops. If interested I think one of the speaker tapes from some talks I did in Denmark recently have a more complete account: MP3 )

It’s funny, you can go an entire decade in AA hearing “The first drink gets me drunk” and NEVER once have anyone tell you what is meant by that. That might be OK for real alkies. Real alkies tend to get it. But what about the undecided non-alcoholic? He needs to know IF he fits in the fellowship and id he doesn’t know what that means, and just repeats it not knowing – what good is it? Before long we have generations of meeting goers repeating slogans not even knowing what the hell is meant by them. I think many folks don’t know – perhaps because they really cannot identify with the expression. I do, I’ll tell ya that!

First let it be said that this expression is not in the Big Book, and as far as I know, has never been addressed in subsequent writings of Bill W. So it IS one of those far-our slogans that have developed in the fellowship and continue to circulate.

But unlike most of the other slogans, some of which are one hundred and eight degrees counter to the Big Book, this expression can actually be stretched just a tad to fit a bona-fide AA, Big Book concept.

That concept is “PHYSICAL ALLERGY”

Of course real alkies aren’t going to get “Hammered” after on one drink – but if you are the real McCoy, what WILL happen is something that NEVER HAPPENS to non-alcoholics – even ones who drink to excess or like to get drunk. They are going to react strangely. Abnormally. They are going to experience something that no other entity of the human race is going to experience: They are going to CRAVE alcohol. Not “desire” it. Not “think of a drink”. “Not want to get more buzzed”. Not “obsess“. Not be “Complused“. None of these! They will be stricken with a physical CRAVING that if strong enough (depending on how much tolerance they have lost over time) will be absolutely impossible to overcome.

Here’s where Al’s situation comes in. Al is a funny, outgoing, likable guy of above average intelligence. He’s got to be one of the funniest guys in the world to drink with. I should know, I’ve drank with him hundreds of times in the 31 years I’ have known him. When Al and I were together we’d drink and get into all sorts of mischief — and lots of trouble too.

He could drink me under the table, for sure, continuing on extended sprees for days after I had long dried out and gone back to work. He was the guy at the wedding who just went absolutely bananas. He was the guy who every New Years Eve, and after Stag parties, disappeared for days on end, winding up in other States, once as far as Colorado and Vegas.

Now . . . put Al and I side by side, watch us drink. You could not, at first glance tell if there was a difference in our drinking habits, we BOTH drank so much and behaved so badly. We both could piss off as many people as could the other – wives, bosses, business associates – whoever!

But there is s BIG difference between Al and me.

Al is not an alcoholic . . . and I am.

Like me, Al has an allergy to alcohol, so that whenever he takes so much as the slightest bit of alcohol into his system, he is “off to the races”. But Al gets drunk whenever he wants to. He has always just “Wanted to” too much.

Although he can’t STOP once he starts, he CAN “not start” when he needs to stay sober. He always saved his “drunks” for those New Years Eve escapades or those wedding celebrations. He would avoid difficulties by just not picking up that first drink. And if he did that, everything was fine. He just sometimes made the choice to get shitfaced, a lot.

Now that Al has gotten married, he has a good reason to stop drinking — his wife will leave him if he doesn’t. Al decided it was time to grow up.

Al started going to AA meetings a few years ago, at the request of his new wife. But once he learned that all he had to do was “Just don’t drink the first drink” and he’d never pick up the second one, he stopped going to meetings. He HAS power over alcohol. An alcoholic problem, for sure (allergy). But he has solved his alcohol problem on his own power; by staying away from the first one. He can do that…………….he is not an alcoholic.

Al has “Put the plug in the jug” — and dammit! it works for the son of a gun!

Now if Al wanted to, he could continue to go to AA meetings and tell everyone how he stays away from a drink by “Just not drinking, no matter what”. But Al has other things to do. He has a full life without AA, and although he has a ton of respect for the Fellowship, has realized that he had not yet gone beyond human aid; and like my strawberry allergic sister who has solved HER problem by not eating strawberries anymore, Al has solved HIS problem by not picking up the first drink anymore. He cannot get drunk, because he does not drink! Not even one.

Life is good for my friend Al. And life can get good for many folks , real alcoholics if they realize that they cannot drink because if they do they will not be able to stop — and that this situation is compounded by the fact that cannot not-start either, because they are insane and can only get “Fixed” through the miracle of a loving God who has done exactly that for millions — when certain simple rules were followed.

Get my drift? The “Fix” comes through an event we call a spiritual awakening - and it can be had in many way BUT the way WE had ours was as the result of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. If anyone wants to know how that’s done, find us. And somewhere inside that Fellowship there are still some of us who know how to show you how. Maybe God will lead us to meet.

Peace,

Danny S
http://gourl.org/recovered

A Hedge Against The Next First-Drink

I have read “Living Sober”. I read it before I had recovered — and after I had recovered. After I had recovered, there was absolutely no useful information in anymore – because the desire to drink has been removed. I had already recovered.

What do you with a book that is contains concepts that seem so contradictory to AA’s Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” that you have to wonder if it wasn’t designed as some sort of pre-computer age “virus” designed to thwart the recovery of alcoholics?

So what do you do? Do you throw in the garbage? Do you burn it? Do you quarantine it in a sterile zip lock bag and hide it in dark corners of your closet? And what do you say to a real-live “Living Sober” Thumper?

I really don’t know. The book seems to me to be directed toward people ON THEIR WAY to recovery – those few difficult days in-between taking step one and actually having the spiritual awakening, when a person can probably say they are “Recovering” and actually be accurate about that.

For me it was a temporary, non-spiritual hedge offering some useful tips that could substitute for real recovery until I could hit the spiritual angle of the Program. Not a solution – just a catalogue of evasive actions to help me stay away from a drink while I was still white knuckling being dry – until such time as I could be ” placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected.”

After that, thee book was a dinosaur. When I see folks sober one two even TEN or TWENTY years using “Living Sober” I have to ask, ” Why do YOU still need that book?”

I shudder to think that I would be their taking cues from that book for very long.

As I real alcoholic I cannot begin to imagine what it would feel like to be a “Living Sober” Thumper. I do not EVER want to go back to being in a place where the information in that book is helpful and meaningful to my recovery.

I mean if you are in AA – not drinking for a year and still carrying candy bars in your pocket and carrying quarters to weddings and retying to decide whether or not you need to take the steps — MAN, you is in deep doo doo! And that is the stage of recovery this book addresses.

Looking back, I see that there was no advice in there that could not have been provided by a good sponsor. And certainly nothing in it that could bring about recovery. It was mostly time wasted that should have been used with a Big Book, where the solution is presented.

“Conference approved” does not mean AAs good housekeeping seal of approval – or a UL guarantee. All it does is tell GSO where to put the proceeds from the sale. Many who have been involved in service (No, NOT making coffee and putting out pamphlets) – within our service structure, come to realize this before long. It is not bad. It is just misunderstood.

But the truth is, when someone doesn’t want to put time into working with a puking drunk, and is not familiar with the Big Book – they’ll toss him a Living Sober – now THAT’S their kind of sobriety! – Because as they will admit “I’m always going to be a newcomer”.

“Yes…Yes . . . I believe you always will be.”

Peace,

Danny S

A Hedge Against The Next First-Drink

I have read “Living Sober”. I read it before I had recovered — and after I had recovered. After I had recovered, there was absolutely no useful information in anymore – because the desire to drink has been removed. I had already recovered.

What do you with a book that is contains concepts that seem so contradictory to AA’s Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” that you have to wonder if it wasn’t designed as some sort of pre-computer age “virus” designed to thwart the recovery of alcoholics?

So what do you do? Do you throw in the garbage? Do you burn it? Do you quarantine it in a sterile zip lock bag and hide it in dark corners of your closet? And what do you say to a real-live “Living Sober” Thumper?

I really don’t know. The book seems to me to be directed toward people ON THEIR WAY to recovery – those few difficult days in-between taking step one and actually having the spiritual awakening, when a person can probably say they are “Recovering” and actually be accurate about that.

For me it was a temporary, non-spiritual hedge offering some useful tips that could substitute for real recovery until I could hit the spiritual angle of the Program. Not a solution – just a catalogue of evasive actions to help me stay away from a drink while I was still white knuckling being dry – until such time as I could be ” placed in a position of neutrality – safe and protected.”

After that, thee book was a dinosaur. When I see folks sober one two even TEN or TWENTY years using “Living Sober” I have to ask, ” Why do YOU still need that book?”

I shudder to think that I would be their taking cues from that book for very long.

As I real alcoholic I cannot begin to imagine what it would feel like to be a “Living Sober” Thumper. I do not EVER want to go back to being in a place where the information in that book is helpful and meaningful to my recovery.

I mean if you are in AA – not drinking for a year and still carrying candy bars in your pocket and carrying quarters to weddings and retying to decide whether or not you need to take the steps — MAN, you is in deep doo doo! And that is the stage of recovery this book addresses.

Looking back, I see that there was no advice in there that could not have been provided by a good sponsor. And certainly nothing in it that could bring about recovery. It was mostly time wasted that should have been used with a Big Book, where the solution is presented.

“Conference approved” does not mean AAs good housekeeping seal of approval – or a UL guarantee. All it does is tell GSO where to put the proceeds from the sale. Many who have been involved in service (No, NOT making coffee and putting out pamphlets) – within our service structure, come to realize this before long. It is not bad. It is just misunderstood.

But the truth is, when someone doesn’t want to put time into working with a puking drunk, and is not familiar with the Big Book – they’ll toss him a Living Sober – now THAT’S their kind of sobriety! – Because as they will admit “I’m always going to be a newcomer”.

“Yes…Yes . . . I believe you always will be.”

Peace,

Danny S

Don’t Take The First Drink

Is This A Solution For Alcoholism?

The way I concluded that I was indeed “One of you”, was when the missing piece came together with what I already knew. I already knew that I could not stay away from a drink no matter how hard I tried or how much I needed to.

That had me pegged as some sort of crazy person – one who drinks even though once he does, he cannot control it. I thought if I could just unlock that crazy part of me, may by some counseling or psychotropic medication, I would be able to not drink, when I wanted to not drink.

But added to that was also the “He can’t control it once he starts part” that continued to escape me. I could see myself taking the first one, but then not being able to stop once I did, made no sense whatsoever – after all, everyone else I knew could do it – seemingly without effort. I saw people decide to drink and not to get drunk and by golly that is exactly what they did.

I saw people decide to drink and decide to get drunk – and lo and behold, THAT IS what they did. They seemed to be able to turn it on and turn it off whenever they wanted to.

I also saw people get drunk all the time just because they wanted to BE drunk all of the time. That was their prerogative. They made conscious decisions to do that.

So I should be able to turn this thing off and on too. No? I should be able to turn it on, leave it on, and wreck my life if I wanted to. OR I should be able to turn it on once in a while just to entertain myself – if I wanted to. OR I should be able to leave it off and become a prude – IF THAT WAS WHAT I WANTED. No?

You see, I thought I continued to drink because I wanted to. Therefore I must be a bad person – because I wanted to drink so much.

What I did not know was that I continued to drink after just a small initial amount because I HAD to – because a physical abnormality had me in it’s grip (Upon taking so much as one drop) and made me crave more. I was no more drinking because I WANTED to than my sister got hives from strawberries because she WANTED them.

Recognizing this led me to solution of sorts – a partial answer: “Just do not take the first drink.” If I do not take the first drink then I never have to worry about the second. Or the twenty-second. That seemed to work for so many others. “If I just don’t drink, I can’t get drunk” they would say.

But then came one day when I drank anyway – “Just don’t drink” changed to “Just have one” and brought me to many more drinks, thoughts of suicide and death.

Now I had two problems. Not only can I not stop once I started – but I cannot NOT START, just because I wanted and needed to not start.

That was when I realize that I fit AAs description of the alcoholic well described in the first 43 pages of their book, Alcoholics Anonymous and I could raise my hand and say in good conscience “I am one of you.“, “I am an alcoholic” by YOUR description, not Oprahs, not Dr Phi’s, not my wife nor my doctors – not even MY description or the description of some scowling old-timer sitting in the back row, but YOURS, AAs – the description in one in your book - the book I had conveniently and arrogantly ignored for years.

I thank God that you all had this well-defined, common description and just as important; a well-defined Program presenting the one common solution upon which all of you real alcoholics could agree upon that worked for you. “The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.”(17:2)

There is no “My way” there is no “Your way”, there is no “Whatever works” way for this real alkie. There’s one way, that those co-founders discovered, wrote down in a book and it removed the desire to drink from them. They called it a “Spiritual Awakening”, “Psychic change”, being “Reborn“, “Transformed” take your pick – bit it allowed them to live a life that is happy and usefully whole WITHOUT the desire to put any alcohol whatsoever into their bodies for the rest of their living days body – without even a desire or even a temptation.

And their method worked for me too, and this is the message I pass on – just as they pass it on through that wonderfully spiritual book -Alcoholics Anonymous.

Peace,

Danny S