Say The Secret Woid
Do you know the secret words to say from a podium when speaking that will bring the puking, suffering alcoholic in from the cold – and motivate him so much that he just HAS to pickup the spiritual kit laid in front of him and recover?
Me neither.
It took a long time – too long, years – to see that looking for those “Magic quotes” from the Big Book or that one compelling story out of my drunkolgue and tossing them like some sort of an ertsatz lifesaver to the drowning drunks sitting in front of me – is not going to convince one single real alcoholic who is headed for his next first-drink to not take it – not if that person is beyond human aid. As for the non-alcoholics – who gives a crumb? They have other solutions. They don’t need the one I have found.
Today I don’t speak from the podium or in any meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous about anything with which I have no experience.
I do not say what I think this or that means or how this will be or that will be when I get around to doing it. I am no longer arrogant and pompous enough to presuppose God is talking through me and someone is being helped, no matter what asinine, stupid things happen to pour o
ut of my mouth. I am arrogant – don’t get me wrong - just not THAT arrogant anymore.
I have a living experience with what is in that book, have had spiritual experiences and spiritual awakenings and can tell others about it, so they can have some hope too. And for folks who also have what I have, I don’t need to say anything, except “Get any good newcomers lately”?
Today I am able to look a room of a hundred or so drunks in the eyes and say “My name is Danny, I am an alcoholic and I have recovered” - and tell them what I was like, what happened and what I am like now, without over qualifying, without giving a drunkalogue that will be boring them to tears. SOME drunkologue perhaps – but not a story that begins with, “I was born into an alcoholic family”. . . OH GOD SPARE US!
Peace,
Danny S
Wanna Puke?
It is hard to understand what the “big deal” is about keeping alcoholics Anonymous for alcoholics only – that is UNTIL one recovers and tries to carry this message to others by taking them through the steps. It then and ONLY then that the enormity of this important distinction becomes clear.
But until you actually take the steps, recover and begin living them there is no way you can have a deep appreciating for the necessity of Singleness of Purpose as it supports Primary Purpose.
When folks who haven’t recovered and haven’t ANY experience with taking and living the twelve step program and taking others through it try to give opinions on how the Fellowship should run – I just want to puke! BLAGH!
Peace,
Danny S
Distinguishing Opinion From Experience
Some people just cannot do it. For example: it is NOT “What “it” was like, what happened and what “it” is like now”– it is “What “WE” were like, what happened and what “WE” are like now.”
Many people get that wrong and therefore cannot distinguish opinion from experience. Knowing this makes all the difference between conveying our experience rather than our opinions – especially when our opinions are about an experience we never had. (The “What happened” part of the equation) Most people can’t talk about what “they” were like because
- They have never analyzed it through a thorough fearless inventory.
- They cannot convey “What happened” because they have never actually HAD the spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. “What happened” never HAPPENED!
- And their egos cannot dare tell what they are like now – because they haven’t been transformed through a psychic change.
No one what’s to get up and admit “I am the same as I was before, except I have job and a drivers license because my urine tests clean. “
So . . . they rewrite the formula and change the WE to IT.
Peace,
Danny S
http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com
Deadly Oh Pinyins
Every one has a right to their opinions.
That is no guarantee that everyone’s opinion is right – nor that those persons cannot ever change an opinion given the freedom to hear the truth. Recovered alcoholics, who have found and accepted what has been freely passed on to them are not about to go off on a bender simply because someone does not agree with their opinion OR with their experience.
Hence I think the term, “I’m not going to drink over it”.
The same cannot be said for those still suffering from a malady which has its core the spiritually retarding effects of resentment.
I see a danger for the newcomer – still stinking from his last puke, still tormented by the e heavy baggage of a life that has been deeply rooted in resentments and fear. He is still ignorant about the Fellowship and it’s Program. Such desperate prospects for membership may put credence in another’s take on the AA Program. It is MOST OFTEN one gleaned from yet another’s opinion which has been passed on as an AA truth – and is not. It is usually so far removed from the basic and simple Program that it is worthless.
We hear things like “Don’t drink no matter what”. This can be mistakenly taken as a Program concept when in fact the Program is based upon the simple fact that for a real alcoholic, this is utterly impossible. This is only one example, but the Fellowship is replete with many others.
It is up to those recovered alcoholics who have real-life, hands-on experience not only in their own recovery, but experience garnered from helping others to overcome their problem, to pass on that experience.
There may not be an hour to waste.
For those who have only opinion sans experience, they might consider the deadly consequences of passing on information that may work for some yet for a precious few, the real alcoholics, is fatal advice.
Peace,
Danny S
Who The Hell Do You Think You Are?
Danny is a born and bred New Yorker, (1957) who grew up in “da Bronx”, New York City and has lived most of his life in the borough of Queens. He now lives on Cape Cod in Massachusetts with his wife Nancy and their two children, Danny Jr. and Kristen.
The Schwarzhoffs are a complete family unit enjoying emotional, mental and physical health and a harmonious lifestyle free from harmful stress. Both children are Honor Roll students in their schools, are socially active and well balanced in all areas of their lives. In July, 2011 the Schwarzhoffs celebrated their thirty second wedding anniversary.
He writes. He plays guitar. Danny was born May 7, 1957. His parents divorced when he was five and he is the product of an alcoholic family life visa vi his mother’s live-in boyfriend who was an alcoholic.Danny himself is an alcoholic. He refers to himself as a “Recovered alcoholic” – no longer suffering from the malady. He got sober for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober since.He owns several popular and enduring blogs about alcoholism, meditation, recovery and the Twelve Step based solutions to life’s problems. For eight years standing, both Google and Yahoo have rated Danny as the number one, top rated “Recovered Alcoholic”.
He calls himself a “Real Live Recovered Alcoholic”; no longer suffering from the malady. Danny stopped drinking for the first time in 1997 and then again in 1999. He has been sober ever since. He has over thirty years experience with a special form of non-religious, spiritual meditation that he teaches and writes about in tandem with his unique style of carrying the Twelve Step message of recovery that emphasizes this unique meditation technique. He claim it is the missing link in Twelve Step Recovery and has devoted his life to delivering it to the world, beginning with the alcoholic.
Danny was first exposed to the meditation technique he prescribes when he was about five years old. It happened following a traumatic experience with his mother’s violent, alcoholic live-in boyfriend. In order to deal with the humiliation and resentment he experienced at the hands of this man Danny stumbled upon the technique – which he later recognized as meditation – in order to protect himself from the harms caused by that painful traumatic experience. He was able to dislocate his emotions much in the same way that the circus contortionist might dislocate a shoulder. Miraculously, when the experience was over he realized that he no longer hated the man for beating him.
Armed with his secret ‘gimmick’, life could never be quite the same. Then in his teen years he discontinued the mystic ‘dislocation’ practice and descended into the perverse world of active alcoholism, suffering mental and physical dysfunction for nearly two decades. Then in 1999 during a “white light” spiritual experience everything changed and he was able once again to ‘meditate’. He has never needed to look back. He continues to apply this method in all areas of life and has continued to enjoy mental, emotional and physical well-being as well as spiritual healthfulness. Now he teaches the technique to others principally through working with alcoholics who are attempting to go through the Twelve Step Recovery process.
Not only has Danny fully recovered from alcoholism and substance abuse but through this technique integrated into the Twelve Step process he has been able to overcome major depression, anxiety, smoking, onset type II diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, sugar addiction, colitis, hemorrhoids, and even erectile dysfunction. His doctors have un-prescribed virtually all of the prescriptions he has been given in the past decade including Lipitor, TriCore, and ADD medications like Adderall as well as the antidepressant drugs Effexor, Welbutrin and Lexapro.
He first began writing in the mid 70s when he landed a job as publicist and advertising director for a Bronx produce company. He wrote advertising copy and press releases for the company and directed all of their marketing and promotion until 1982. After several years as a Lobbyist in Washing DC serving the United Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Association he left to start his own weekly tabloid newspaper where he was Editor-in Chief of “The Fruit & Vegetable Reporter.” He wrote most of the tabloids feature stories and much of the news copy. Danny has published articles in Grapevine, AA’s magazine for Alcoholics, and also in the Barnstable Patriot on Cape Cod.
The late 80s and 90s brought Danny to Wall Street in New York City when he became a stockbroker. One of his firms became the subject of the movie “Boiler Room” – a factoid which fuels much of his storytelling on the subject of alcoholism, spiritual dysfunction and substance abuse in the workplace. In the late 90s he moved to Cape Cod where he began writing, working with alcoholics, and breeding thoroughbred racing pigeons. He also began working for several rehab centers aiding addiction counselors with rehabilitating alcoholics and drug addicts.
Today Danny give regular public talks on alcoholism and recovery. He has conducted Twelve Step workshops at recovery conferences in Boston, New York and in Denmark as well as at Dartmouth College (UMASS).
Although frequently consulted by treatment facility administrators and those in the recovery business Danny does not affiliate with any treatment center or rehabs. He hasn’t got any recovery models to sell. He gives his meditation exercise away for free and only writes of his experience on the subject with one goal in mind. He wants to persuade others to try it and to experience an entire change of being and lifestyle through it. He is not an authority on any recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations as a spiritually awakened and Recovered Alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “Twelve Step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous or as a form of therapy.
Biographic disclaimer: Sometimes the question of anonymity arises – along with the issue of whether or not Danny is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). If Danny were a member of AA, he would violate AAs traditions by saying so publicly. He would also be lying if he were a member and denied it. So in order to respect that organizations traditions he does not answer that question publicly. However, Danny does want his readers to know that AA has earned his respect and he approves of AAs Twelve Step Program. He also does not think that AA has a monopoly on recovery from alcoholism and that AA is not for everyone. He has attended AA meetings and has done extensive research into its history and Twelve Step Program and is an ardent practitioner of the Twelve Steps. He writes about some of these observations regarding AAs Program, Fellowship and history.
Danny Schwarzhoff is a recovered alcoholic and a writer by trade. He is not an authority on ANY recovery methods or organizations, God, alcoholism or spirituality nor does he speak or write in representation of anyone but himself. He is not a member of any organized religion or cult and has no axe to grind. He does however express his experience and observations based upon that experience as a RECOVERED alcoholic. He does not write as a form of “twelve step” work for Alcoholics Anonymous. Please see the FAQ for more information.
By Nancy Lee Schwarzhoff
Personal Note: I am so grateful to have gotten my husband back. We have been married now for almost twenty-seven years. He became someone I no longer recognized; certainly not the wonderful guy I fell in love with; who made me laugh, who held doors for me, who was truthful and honest; who was going to go out into the world and make a difference – who loved me and didn’t mind showing it. I lost that guy, during the years that he drank. To anyone who has an alcoholic spouse I truly hope you find what my husband has stumbled into. The joy and serenity that has come back is truly a second chance for both of us.
I hope we all enjoy his new book. (He swears he will start looking for a publisher soon!) On the too few occasions that he gives me a few pages to read I end up laughing and crying all on the same page. (I am sure he does that on purpose, knowing him like I do) Then again I went through much of it. So much he never let me know about. He kept so much inside of him. He became secretive and I wondered “How could I have been so mistaken about him?” I questioned whether he loved me at all and what I did to cause him to turn the way he seemed to be. We had no idea what was happening to him. To us.
Even though Dan has been writing his whole life, this is his first attempt at a real book. When he started it a little over a year ago, I knew in my heart that it was something he should do and have been as supportive (through my fears) as I could. I was shocked when suddenly he said he had over 200,000 words written! How he did that, I don’t know. I guess there is still much I don’t know about him as a RECOVERED alcoholic. I am sure he would have started it and given up in our old life. Things are still changing for us everyday.
Although it may or may not be a best seller; it may not conform what to some people think they already know about alcoholics, I will tell you that it is all true and amazing to me. Even his new found recovered friends are just the most amazing, larger than life wonderful people I have ever met in my life. Believe it or not, even the still sick ones he brings here to the house, still drunk!
Danny gets some pretty heavily criticism for being so outspoken. I must say, he does have a knack for cutting to the chase. This bothers some people, especially other un-recovered drunks – who do not even know him past his writings. But if they can deal with their own sensitivities, as I have learned, they will find my husband to be a loving and generous man with a passion for sobriety like none we can imagine. And it is only because of sobriety that it shows. Again.
I know Danny’s talk. He certainly does not walk his own talk a hundred percent. He is far from being a saint. Not on your life! But he does seem to have a skill for catching it before too much harm can come of it. And he helps an awful lot of people. I do admire that in him. But do not ever let him tell you that he walks the talk twenty-four hours a day.
There are second chances in life, happiness, and family. It is waiting for you, inside of you. I hope you find it.
- Love Always, Nancy
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