Skulls Crack

Trying To Define Alcoholism

I get to read a lot of articles about “alcoholism”. People send them to me mostly. Others come through a clipping service I employ. There are articles about this discovery and that discovery – about this genetic cause for alcoholism or that medication being studied for treatment purposes.

I have learned to take these, not with grains of salt, but with handfuls of the hard rock variety – the kind you toss on your doorsteps in February so you don’t slip and crack your skull wide opened.

That is what it feels like after I read too many of these things. My brain hurts at times. It is hard to form an intelligent opinion on much of this stuff that floats around out there on news-wires and broadcasts since none of “us” – people interested in others with alcohol problems – ever seem to be on the same page when describing or thinking about “alcoholism.”

Some call it a “dependence” some call it an “addiction” some call it “substance abuse” and then there are a dozen or more different ways of describing “alcoholism” itself – with no one agreeing on one idea or describing it at all.

The world is all over the map with no one agreeing on just what is alcoholism. AA described it for their purposes over seventy years ago and now the “for fee” industry is expanding that to widening definitions to include a broader based “paying” markets – for its own profit making purposes. Some might say they are “hijacking” for revision the “description of the alcoholic” – I guess that depends on your perspective.

When it comes to alcoholism I’m a pure AA man myself. I go with what is described in their book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” the book from which the Fellowship derives it’s name. That’s what I use cause that’s what I got – and I hang with people who got what I got! Then, when I did what the co-authors did I also Got what hey got – I got a spiritual awakening and consequentially all of my problems were solves – EVEN INCURABLE ALCOHOLISM! I am equally convinced that diseases like cancer diabetes and heart disease can also be resolved through such awakenings.

I have experienced relief from chronic colitis, diverticular disease, high blood lipids, depression, anxiety, advanced arthritis and even financial problems and the dreaded “FEAR OF FINANCIAL INSECURITY” – all as the result of spiritual awakenings and spiritual growth. My kids are well adjusted and emotionally secure. My relationship with my wife is healthy and we are happy. Our home bursts with jocularity and contentment when we are all together – like a circus tent. No one is ill – no one is sick – there is no fighting or yelling or screaming beyond an occasion misunderstanding – and even then anger is never a problem. These are not hearsay ‘wonders’ to me. These are problems that a loving God has solved and gifts that He has given to and for us so that we could become useful on this planet. At least I am convinced that that is why He did it. It certainly is not because I deserve it for my saintly lifestyle.

Here is another “cool” thang . . . . . I am not afraid to tell you about any of it. I have no fear that I will ‘jinx’ it if I do – as if these things are because of sort of fairy’s charm and if the fairy hears me talk about it she’ll snap it away from us. Or because some tricky god up there will interpret my story as exhibiting braggadocio and egotism – so therefore I must be taught a lesson and be stricken with financial ruin and disease and drinking. I am not afraid that the “other shoe” will drop – because we have faith – faith in a LOVING GOD, not in some ogre in the sky just waiting for us to slip up so he can yank our happiness away – give us cancer and force us into fear of financial insecurity.

See?

This is ALL from having a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps. They are not from “Doin’ another AWOL” – Jeeeze do you AWOL people ever freakin recover or ever even come out here into the trenches to twelve step other alkies? They are not from “One Day at A Time” either. They are not because I “Just don’t drink.” and they sure as shit aren’t from “Going to lots of meetings”.

It all began when first I learned to concede to my innermost self that I was alcoholic. But how could I ever have done that if I did not now what alcoholisms is – how hopeless the solution without divine intervention? I cannot. I can run around yelling, “I AM AN ALCOHOLIC” all I want – but if I use any description other than the one, the AA one, which depicts hopelessness then I will always have some hope – call it “the lurking notion” - that I can “share” my way out – ‘doctor’ my way out – ‘rehab my way out’ or use my self-will as in “JUST DON’T DRINK”. All of these mean that I think that I have Power over alcohol and if any of these work – then I DO – and don’t need a spiritual awakening to get in touch with God so He can hand His power over to flow through me and remove the problem – ALL my problems.

When some journalist or doctor is writing his findings or opinions about what he calls alcoholism – it may or may not — probably not — apply to anything that I know to be what I got.

Even within the fellowship itself – we have so many folks with outside ideas, brought in from their rehab adventures of what alcoholism is that are so completely foreign to AA’s “description of the alcoholic” that they must steer clear of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous or else undergo such a severe cases of Cognitive Dissonance I doubt that the county’s mental health system could bear the load if they all would seek help at one time.

This is so predominant that hardly anyone in AA’s own membership can tell you if asked what “Our description of the alcoholic” actually is. Which means that they cannot help other alcoholics do anything even close to recovering.

For what description has the AA Fellowship developed a Program? I can tell you that it most likely is not the description you were given by your friendly counselor in at the detox center. For the most part – AAs description of the alcoholic is bad for business if you are in the treatment business. AA s description automatically eliminates a solution through human aid – and the treatment industry and “addictions” counselors are in the business of providing human aid.

Haven’t you ever wondered why it is that you were more confused about AA and the Twelve Steps after you got out of rehab than when you first went in? It’s true isn’t it? You’re damned right it is – and that is no accident.

If, as your Big Book explains, you have “ passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid” (25:3) then those who provide such human aid cannot be included in your recovery which means that you are not a source of money to them.

Do you see now how important it is for the treatment industry to REDEFINE alcoholism – to take it back from Alcoholics Anonymous – and how if they do not then they have no industry?

If I fit Dr. Phil’s idea of alcoholism don’t you think that I might do well to pursue the Dr. Phil’s solution? I think so. If I fit AA’s idea of alcoholism does it not make sense to reject Dr. Drew Pinky’s concepts and pursue AA’s solution?

Shouldn’t I find out who’s description I fit so that I can seek help from the appropriate person or organization?

How can I ever have an intelligent conversation with someone say, Dr. Drew, if he thinks that alcoholism is determined by consequences of drinking – he does - and I think it is a mental obsession combined with a physical allergy? We cannot have that conversation – we would both be hitting our heads against each others – getting nowhere.

Let’s use the tiniest bit of common sense here, all right? If Dr. Drew prescribes ten hours a week of psycho therapy and anger management for my alcoholism and THAT WORKS – then what the hell do I need a AA for? And if AA prescribes a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps – wouldn’t I be foolish to ignore that and instead follow Dr. Phil’s advice? I will be told that I need AA for “group support” because that’s what AA is turned into. It is no longer a spiritual entity the sole purpose of which is “sobriety: Freedom from alcohol through the teaching and practice of the twelve steps.” it is now feeling “Happy joyous and free” through “sharing”. Apparently there are folks out there who if they are happy enough, joyous enough and free enough then they “Just wont drink”. WOW. I wish I could do that.

My solution would have been “Just join the circus.” What a clown I’ d have made.

No one is on the same page when it comes to describing alcoholism. Alcoholic Anonymous uses a very specific description and has a program designed to treat that description. It may not be designed to treat your type of drinking problem. Not everyone who has a drinking problem is going to fit AAs description of the alcoholic.

Not sure what AA’s “our description of the alcoholic” is? It is on pages one through 43 of the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous”. Maybe it would be an intelligent thing to do – to learn it - before saying “I am an alcoholic” in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous – unless you know what that means.

Peace,

Danny S

PS – Have you ever noticed that the co-authors of the Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” never say that they have “defined” alcoholism – only that they “describe” it? In fact they offer no definitions of anything!

Do you know why that is? I think that we can see why that is – and fairly easily too. More on that exact topic later next week.

Make Heads Turn . . . .

. . . At Your First AA Meeting.

It was my first day in AA and I had gone to a Saturday morning meeting. There I heard a story that blew my mind. It was the story of a down and out stockbroker who drank his way off Wall Street and lived to tell it. Lived to write a book about it apparently. It shocked me. I was a stockbroker too – an Investment Banker – and it was as if I was hearing my own life read back to me. It brought me to tears and now here I was attending my second meeting in Little Neck, Queens, New York City. There were several meetings going on at once in this little Lutheran church on Glenwood Street. I wanted to go to whichever one where I could just sit , listen and not be noticed – where everyone would just leave me alone while I conducted my research.

There was guy at the door who everyone was passing by called Tony. ‘Big Tony’ I was to later learn. Big Tony pointed me toward what he called the “Beginners Meeting”.

“I’m not a beginner.“ I said. I was more than a little indignant.

“What do you mean?“ asked Tony. Two girls with shoulder tattoos and too short denim skirts flipped cigarettes into grey sand taht filled a plastic potato salad bucket holding the door opened and they passed through Tony’s post going straight in without Tony so much as blinking. They must be regulars . . . . . . or I guess you have to grow a set of tits to get in without a confrontation here.

“I was already to a meeting this morning.“ I was looking at him to see if he was reacting at all positively. He wasn’t. He was squinting and he grabbed the bottom of his left earlobe between his thumb and forefinger and twiddled it . A small diamond embedded in the lobe twinkled.

“It was a ninety minute meeting.“ I was hoping that this might buy me a little more credit than a one-hour meeting – maybe it would get me into an intermediate meeting. Or maybe an advanced meeting. Shit I could go straight to the top of this Alcoholics Anonymous deal.

“No No cuz. . . . you go into that far room in the back of the gym … ok cuz?”

I am not your fucking cuz. Instant resentment rose up in my chest – not unlike the heated glow that rises out of a too rapidly dumped and gulped shot of Jack Daniels.

I despised the idea of being placed into any kind of caste system -especially one created by a bunch of drunks. This guy Tony doesn’t know who I am. But I conceded that this fat guy with the diamond stud earring and who looked a little rough around the edges might know a little more than I did – but I didn’t have to like it and since he was obviously the bouncer I did not need to get into any trouble this early on.

My primary mission at this point was to get into a meeting and not bring attention to myself. I would sit in the back, where me and my sweaty six foot one, two hundred an twenty pound frame and the infant son I was carrying in my arms could go unnoticed. If anyone asked me to introduce myself I would definitely not say I am an alcoholic. That way no one would bother with me. If they didn’t think I was one of them then they might leave me the hell alone.

“Would anyone like to introduce themselves?”

I raised my hand and said, “My name is Danny and I am here just to find out if I am an alcoholic.”

WRONG ANSWER!

Just then fifty or sixty heads turned to see me. I was mortified. As if that were not bad enough I recognized nearly all of the same faces I had seen earlier in the morning meeting. They were there too! What the hell is going on here?

I cannot tell you one single word that anyone in that “Beginners meeting” shared. I cannot recall one slogan, not one scary drinking story, not one frothy emotional appeal or anything else said in that meeting. What I can tell you almost verbatim is what was said to me outside of that meeting – after it had ended and after almost everyone had gone home. It was then that someone loved me enough to tell me the truth about alcoholism – because he knew what the truth was. His name was Barry Gross – a strapping gentle giant of a man.

Barry told me his and explained to me the fatal malady – the mental AND the physical aspects of the two-fold illness that we call alcoholism. This is how he qualified me into this Fellowship – by making sure that I understood what “Our description of the alcoholic” is. He did not do any pronouncing “No one gets here by accident- you ARE an alcoholic” or use any other qualifiers other than the ones that AA prescribes. He just told me what he knew about alcoholism – what he had learned from the description in AA’s Big Book, “Alcoholics Anonymous” and was now passing it on – so that I could identify and say “Holy shit” I am one of you!” – if it were true.

That is how I took step one – by learning what alcoholism is – seeing and admitting that I fit! I belonged. I held both conditions identified by AA that made me ‘one of them’. I could raise my hand at a future meeting and in good conscience say, “My name is Danny and I am an alcoholic” and I would know what that means. Not what I think it means. Not what Dr. Phil thinks it means. Not what Oprah thinks it means. Not what Dr. Drew thinks – not even what some arrogant white haired pissant sporting a grim face, a “few twenty fours” and wouldn’t know a Twelve Step call from an Avon call planted onto a folding chair in the back of a musty church basement thinks – but what the co-founders or AA thought it means and for which they designed a Program of recovery that works for that description.

That is all step one is about. It is about learning to distinguish between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic and seeing on which side of the fence I was.

The funny thing is that Barry was absolutely silent during the meeting – so no one knew how ‘smart’ he was. Yet he carried the “this‘ message to me that saved my life, the way we are supposed to – eyeball-to-eyeball with another alcoholic. One alcoholic talking to another. Not one alcoholic talking to sixty meeting attendees. That is not carrying the “THIS” message. That’s just “speaking”.

Every time I feel the need to ‘share’ at a meeting, to say something so pithy – so frothy and spiritually profound that someone’s life is bound to be saved – I try to remember this experience with identification of my first day in AA and how Barry G passed it on by taking me through Step One, on day one – in one hour – outside of a meeting on a hot August night in New York City in 1997.

No waiting. No getting “meetings under my belt” before beginning. No “Going to step meetings” No going to ninety meetings in ninety days and no telling me anything wacky like “Meeting Makers Make it” or “Keep Coming Back”. Uh Uh. Barry was not trying to kill me. His first priority was to start me on the Twelve Step Program so that I could get qualified and start to recover from alcoholism – before the insanity of the next first drink came around again. It was so simple and so vital and exactly the same way that the co-founders of AA did it and prescribe it in the first forty three pages of the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.”

Peace,

Danny S

Question: Describe "Alcoholic"

Time’s up. Pencils down!

Have you ever heard someone say that they “ALWAYS KNEW” they were alcoholic. I’m sure you have. You may have said it yourself at times. I know I have – sorry to say.

Then how come if I ask what an alcoholic is, I can’t get an answer that’s even CLOSE to what my Big Book clearly tells me? How can that be? Keep in mind now that these are folks attending AA meetings and who are trying to fit in an be members – benefiting from the AA experience.

They can tell us about all the grief that drinking has caused them. They can give a freakin‘ drunkologue that will have you weeping into your cocoa puffs and balling through the night

But to give an actual definition, or better yet – give “Our description of the alcoholic” – they can’t do it.

So how do they know if they are alcoholic or not – and if AA is for them? They don’t.

Some coming to meetings for double digit years – getting their buck-an-hour group rap sessions without ever qualifying – thinking they are members – not passing on the “THIS” message – not giving away the common solution to real alcoholics – telling them things that THEY do to stay sober – that will KILL the real alkie. What a disgrace.

My friend Mickey Bush, an alcoholic if ever there was one (and an addict too) - says he’s got two parrots, Bill & Bob. He’s taught them to say “I’m an alcoholic.. . . I’m an alcoholic” - but are they alcoholic just because they SAY SO? (Please don’t confuse AA membership with diagnosis. No one is an alcoholic just because they SAY SO.)

Well, if I stand in the middle of a used car lot – does that make me a Buick? If I go down the street here on The Peninsula of Doom and jump into Vineyard Bay – and swim across it to Martha’s Vineyard = does that make me a Striped Bass?

No, what is likely to have happened is that they . . (Not the parrots) . . walked into an AA meeting and some arrogant ass said to him the same thing that was said to me. It was something like “No one gets here by accident. If you are here you are an alcoholic”.

Or maybe . . .

“It’s Friday night and your in a church basement with us. You MUST be an alcoholic.”

WHOA! Wait just a cotton pickin‘ minute there guy. What ever happened to “We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself.” (31:3) See link

What will you will be told about these beautiful words from our Big Book? You will told that you are too STUPID to diagnose yourself. Of course it may not be said in those words. It may be couched in something like, “Your best thinking got you into your current mess so you can’ t trust your thinking” – but this is the stuff we hear all the time in AA.

Ok. But you can trust someone who doesn’t even know what “Our description of the alcoholic” is? – - who hasn’t learned for themselves the distinction between and alcoholic and a non-alcoholic? – - who thinks that anyone who drinks too much – too often, automatically is alcoholic and therefor qualifies for membership in AA?

You may be told that your brain is still “In the fog”, or some other such condescending tripe. Meanwhile, the Big Books historical accounts, ALL of which are about twelve stepping by the way, show case after case of still shakin’ and bakin’ alcoholics being taught to do just that – learn to make the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic and see if they identify.

“In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. We hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the nonalcoholic.” (44:0)

It is the ONLY way to concede to ones innermost self your condition – being TOLD you are alcoholic is NOT.

Wouldn’t it nice if when someone comes up to another says he doesn’t know whether or not he’s an alcoholic, if you they don’t know, they might want to set the ego aside and say something meaningful and helpful – like “I don’t know.”

Then they could be sent someone else in the home group who knows what they heck he’s talking about. It may save a life, instead of kill someone. Or send him to me – I do know as was passed onto me. I do not make the aforementioned “proclamation” – but I sure as hell will show that person, in AA’s Big Book where the diagnosis is – so he can LEARN whether or not he qualifies. Then if I am satisfied – by hearing his story, supported with his new found knowledge – that he is “One of us” (Not one of “me” of “US”) then I can take the time to show him the solution we have found.

I want to make sure he’s the real deal because as far as I know no one has EVER recovered from alcoholism who didn’t actually HAVE alcoholism – and if I waste time with someone who cannot recover from a malady they do not have – I may deprive another truly suffering individual from what we have to offer.

Yes it is an exclusive club – for alcoholics only! Not hard drinkers, not lonely hearts, not cheap bastards whose insurance has run out for out-patient therapy, not drug addicts, not over eaters – JUST ALCOHOLICS – those who suffer from alcoholism – by “Our description” – Not yours, not mine, not Oprahs, not Dr, Phils, not your family doctors, not your “addictions counselors” – just “OURS”.

As Tradition States: ” Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. “ If you do not suffer from alcoholism or if you don’t want to recover – sorry, but bye bye . Let’s go fishing sometime – and we’ll talk about your food addiction – but right now I haven’t time to spare for it.

Someone else is dying from untreated alcoholism and the teaching and practicing the twelve steps for the benefit of the alcoholic – so he can RECOVER – is the SOLE purpose of the AA group and my primary purpose.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

Dr. Phil – Antichrist*

Everyone as heard in “How it Works” the phrase “Our description of the alcoholic”. Well, for our purposes that is the ONLY description that counts in AA. It didn’t matter what I THOUGHT an alcoholic is or what Dr. Phil’s* description of the alcoholic is or Oprah’s description of the alcoholic, or your friends or or even the old-timer in the back of the room’s description of the alcoholic.

Those descriptions are meaningless in AA because chances are those people‘s ideas of what it is to be alcoholic may not be even close to “OUR DESCRIPTION”. And “OUR DESCRIPTION” is the only one for which OUR PROGRAM was designed.

Most drunks have to find out what an alcoholic was in their Big Book. So did I. SO does everyone, because hardly anyone already knows what a real alcoholic is. Although almost EVERYONE thinks they do.

It mattered very much that I knew and understood what the Founders of AA used to define themselves as alkys and decide whether or not I was one of them. THEN if I was willing to use THEIR definitions to honestly describe my own condition and perform the self-diagnosis they so clearly prescribed in the Big Book, I’d be getting somewhere.

It isn’t as simple as “I drink too much” or “Drank my life away. SHIT! — Lots of people drink too much ands screw up their lives. That does not mean they are alcoholic. We are members of AA when we see that we are the alcoholic described in the Big Book, and say so) But we owe it to ourselves to perform the diagnosis described in our Big Book so that our diagnosis is not just a wild guess. I cannot recover from a disease I haven’t got.

Peace,

Danny S

*Dr.Phil very well may be the anti-Christ – he’s too damned LIKEABLE. So please don’t use HIS descritpion. LOL

Does Dr. Phil know squat?

The first three Big Book Chapters helped me know the
difference between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If I did not
know this difference, how could I distinguish and diagnose self into
AA as a member? Dr. Phil might have a conception of alcoholism which
is very different from mine, which may be very different from AA’s.

Since I wish to join AA, it is very important for me to understand
what AA’S description of the alcoholic is. Dr Phil or Oprah might
think an alcoholic is someone who “drinks too much” and has “wrecked
his health” from drinking. For these purposes these definitions are
irrelevant unless I am turning to Oprah or Dr Phil for help. But I
am not, I am turning to AA for help at this point. So it was very
important for me to know:

WHAT ARE THEY DOING?: “help our readers determine, to their own
satisfaction, whether they are one of us?”

HOW ARE THEY DOING IT?:
“we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse”

WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?: because “We learned that we had to fully
concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the
first step in recovery.”

HOW DO THEY JUSTIFY THIS APPROACH?: “The delusion that we are like
other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.”

Peace,

Danny S