An Easier, Softer Prettier Big Book?

No Pretty Answer

If we were to re-edit-not rewrite – the Big Book for use in a classroom one of the first things a professional editor in the educational textbook publishing business would do – without changing a single word of the author’s writing – would be to add and subtitles to chapters – with headings and subheading within those chapter s that tell the student what each specific topic and sets of ideas were being covered at many given moment. Then it would all then be indexed.

It makes textbooks look “purdy” – and it allows for easy referencing when looking something up “on the fly”. It is for the convenience of the student and unattractive books do not sell well in the textbook publishing and marketing business. It can be a very competitive field and when done right produces levels of profit for publishing houses and authors that would stagger you and me before a shot of straight Yukon Jack could reach our livers.

Apparently the Big Book co-authors were not interested in doing things for our convenience.

Alcoholics interested in learning how they achieved victory over alcoholism had to take the whole kit and caboodle without getting any cherry-picking privileges. I suppose we are lucky that they used Chapter Titles at all!

They thought that they had a corner on the market – since their book would contain a solution for alcoholism – a solution which has existed since the beginning of mankind but had not been packaged and sold to specific target – the real alcoholic. They felt that they were the first to “wholesale” the solution they had found in the form of a book written by alcoholics for alcoholics. It is not a “How To” work but a “How We Did It” volume.

There is nothing in recorded AA history which suggests that this was any sort of group conscious effort – but if it was, it was nothing short of pure genius. If not pure human genius then that leaves only one other explanation: Pure Divinity – God Genius – or laziness – whatever.

In the “Amends” section of the Big Book – which runs from page 76 through page 84, each “type” of amends is discussed separately. There are six sections in all. It might look like this if we did get it to an editor:

ANY LENGTH FOR VICTORY
Setting Right Past Mistakes

General amends guidelines ……….. 76
What to say – Not say ……. 76, 77
Expectations……………….77

Financial Harms………………….…78

Criminal Offenses………………..…78, 79, 80

Domestic Troubles ………………….80
Infidelity …………………………………81
Reparation.………………………………82

Family Relationships……………. 82, 83

Ninth Step Promises.……………..83, 84

Are you beginning to get the idea that maybe the last person you heard say, “The Big Book is poorly written” just maybe had not ever seriously read it – or used it as it was designed – as a textbook? Sure lots of people read the stories in the back of the book. Sure they periodically look up a quote here and there. They might even attend Big Book meetings which are more akin to the “Story Hour” at the local library where my kids go to hear a local author perform a reading of his latest Young Reader story.

Now all we have to do it hire an illustrator and we are all set to change the world AGAIN – like the co-authors did. What I’ve written above isn’t creative at all – no snappy heads or subheads but you get the idea – and not one word of the Big Book is any different because no one has injected their ego into it. BUT it would be a very different book – one that I may NEVER have used properly and instead – like any impatient alcoholic would, thumb through it looking for immediate fixes for immediate problems WITHOUT TAKING THE STEPS.

There is nothing good to be gained by EVER making the Big Book easier to use. Movements like AWOL and institutions like Hazelton have tried and tried.

Wally P came up with marketing the “Back-To-Basics” material and while it has helped many people recover – even THAT gets abused. People write and sell books and “Guides” on “HOW TO TAKE THE STEPS” – and they may as well just piss into a stiff wind.

If it isn’t one-alcoholic-talking-to another and unless the result is a spiritual awakening that allows us to be of maximum service to God and our fellows, then it is ALL BULLSHIT. If the result is to bolster abstinence – it’s bullshit. If the result is serenity – it’s bullshit. If the result is acceptance – it’s DOUBLE bullshit.

It isn’t only WHAT they did – it is just as much HOW they did it. So many of us want to do IT – we want to have a spiritual awakening – but don’t want to undertake the drastic and extreme METHOD proposed.

Say man
Hey baby
I saw your wife the other day
Yeah
Yeah, an’ she’s ug-leeee
Yeah, she’s ugly
But she sure can cook, baby
Yeah, alright

Jimmy Soul “If You Wanna Be Happy”

My Big Book COOKS Baby! You may think it’s ugleeeee – but we eat good around here — and that is a beautiful thing!

Peace,

Danny S

An Easier, Softer Prettier Big Book?

No Pretty Answer

If we were to re-edit-not rewrite – the Big Book for use in a classroom one of the first things a professional editor in the educational textbook publishing business would do – without changing a single word of the author’s writing – would be to add and subtitles to chapters – with headings and subheading within those chapter s that tell the student what each specific topic and sets of ideas were being covered at many given moment. Then it would all then be indexed.

It makes textbooks look “purdy” – and it allows for easy referencing when looking something up “on the fly”. It is for the convenience of the student and unattractive books do not sell well in the textbook publishing and marketing business. It can be a very competitive field and when done right produces levels of profit for publishing houses and authors that would stagger you and me before a shot of straight Yukon Jack could reach our livers.

Apparently the Big Book co-authors were not interested in doing things for our convenience.

Alcoholics interested in learning how they achieved victory over alcoholism had to take the whole kit and caboodle without getting any cherry-picking privileges. I suppose we are lucky that they used Chapter Titles at all!

They thought that they had a corner on the market – since their book would contain a solution for alcoholism – a solution which has existed since the beginning of mankind but had not been packaged and sold to specific target – the real alcoholic. They felt that they were the first to “wholesale” the solution they had found in the form of a book written by alcoholics for alcoholics. It is not a “How To” work but a “How We Did It” volume.

There is nothing in recorded AA history which suggests that this was any sort of group conscious effort – but if it was, it was nothing short of pure genius. If not pure human genius then that leaves only one other explanation: Pure Divinity – God Genius – or laziness – whatever.

In the “Amends” section of the Big Book – which runs from page 76 through page 84, each “type” of amends is discussed separately. There are six sections in all. It might look like this if we did get it to an editor:

ANY LENGTH FOR VICTORY
Setting Right Past Mistakes

General amends guidelines ……….. 76
What to say – Not say ……. 76, 77
Expectations……………….77

Financial Harms………………….…78

Criminal Offenses………………..…78, 79, 80

Domestic Troubles ………………….80
Infidelity …………………………………81
Reparation.………………………………82

Family Relationships……………. 82, 83

Ninth Step Promises.……………..83, 84

Are you beginning to get the idea that maybe the last person you heard say, “The Big Book is poorly written” just maybe had not ever seriously read it – or used it as it was designed – as a textbook? Sure lots of people read the stories in the back of the book. Sure they periodically look up a quote here and there. They might even attend Big Book meetings which are more akin to the “Story Hour” at the local library where my kids go to hear a local author perform a reading of his latest Young Reader story.

Now all we have to do it hire an illustrator and we are all set to change the world AGAIN – like the co-authors did. What I’ve written above isn’t creative at all – no snappy heads or subheads but you get the idea – and not one word of the Big Book is any different because no one has injected their ego into it. BUT it would be a very different book – one that I may NEVER have used properly and instead – like any impatient alcoholic would, thumb through it looking for immediate fixes for immediate problems WITHOUT TAKING THE STEPS.

There is nothing good to be gained by EVER making the Big Book easier to use. Movements like AWOL and institutions like Hazelton have tried and tried.

Wally P came up with marketing the “Back-To-Basics” material and while it has helped many people recover – even THAT gets abused. People write and sell books and “Guides” on “HOW TO TAKE THE STEPS” – and they may as well just piss into a stiff wind.

If it isn’t one-alcoholic-talking-to another and unless the result is a spiritual awakening that allows us to be of maximum service to God and our fellows, then it is ALL BULLSHIT. If the result is to bolster abstinence – it’s bullshit. If the result is serenity – it’s bullshit. If the result is acceptance – it’s DOUBLE bullshit.

It isn’t only WHAT they did – it is just as much HOW they did it. So many of us want to do IT – we want to have a spiritual awakening – but don’t want to undertake the drastic and extreme METHOD proposed.

Say man
Hey baby
I saw your wife the other day
Yeah
Yeah, an’ she’s ug-leeee
Yeah, she’s ugly
But she sure can cook, baby
Yeah, alright

Jimmy Soul “If You Wanna Be Happy”

My Big Book COOKS Baby! You may think it’s ugleeeee – but we eat good around here — and that is a beautiful thing!

Peace,

Danny S

Take My Blood

“And All The Rest of Me Too – While You’re At It.”

Picture the oldest, most cantankerous knucklehead with the most obviously unhappy disposition and twenty or thirty years of “sobriety” that you know in your own Home Group – who does nothing more than spout slogans and crap in meetings. If you would rather use a “happy, joyous and free” personality then be my guest. That will work as well. Suppose it is a fact that he does not fit “Our description of the alcoholic” (Only he can know right? But lets just suppose for now.)

We all know”that guy” right? His or her major contribution to the Fellowship is “Just showing up” to be a “Powerful example” – to throw onto the meeting floor a few pithy “shares” during the week and has one or two “sponsees” that he tells “Easy Does It” or “One Day at A Time” if asked, “When can I take the twelve Steps”?

Putting aside how many real alcoholics this guy has killed during his “Middle-of-road solutions” (25:3) based AA career – think about this:

How might that guy react to the truth if he were to study and comprehend the first forty three pages of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous – the pages that clearly detailed exactly what a “real alcoholic” is for the purposes of membership and recovery through the spiritual awakening?

Do you think he is going to leap up from his folding chair, click his heels like a Leprechaun and say, “Oh PRAISE JESUS! I can stop going to meetings – I was wrong after all – I am NOT a REAL ALCOHOLIC! Now I have learned my truth.”?

No freakin’ way. He’ll develop contempt for the truth of Step One – of the Big Book – of what he perceives as Big Book Thumpers, Nazis or “AA zealots.” He may even react viciously like a rabid coon trapped in a “Havahart” trap. Have you ever trapped one of those cute little buggers?

Yeah, they’re “cute” alright. They are aggressive and vicious little bastards with sharp-assed fangs and they that want to kill you – which all becomes apparent as they try to bite and claw their way out the reality that they are in the WRONG PLACE – and would rather have their teeth sunk into your jugular vein.

I’ll make a comparison here but first I need to set the stage and to do that I need to get personal — just briefly.

During the first twenty years of my life I adored and worshipped my Dad. Rightly so. I wish all son’s could have that – as they should. I mean I used to not empty the sand from the pockets of my Wranglers after a day of Surf casting at Jones beach - because it was the sand that “we” walked on together.

For the second twenty years of my life my own self-centeredness and untreated alcoholism had me estranged from him.

We had a falling out, which was my fault caused stemming from my years of training for complete assholdom. The details are irrelevant.

Then eight years ago I “accidentally” discovered that this man whom I had no reason to ever doubt was my father was in fact, not

I was in the middle of amends and after all those active alcoholic years I contacted him by letter to see if I could fly down to Florida to set straight the matter that had separated us. His idea of setting things straight was not the same as mine. He wanted my blood. It took fourty years for him to do is, but now suddenly he wanted to investigate his doubts of paternity.

NOW you tell me!

After the initial shock had lightened up a bit I had the blood-test he requested. A “negative” report was issued from the lab. All the while I never once even heard the sound of his voice – and I have never heard from of of him since – except that he contacted one of sisters to tell her that as a result of the blood-test I would now be excluded from his Will – as if he were a Getty or a Hilton or something. I have to laugh a little. (Do I hear the word “contest?” Why, yes I do!)

That was eight years ago and for this past decade, as an adult I have been a “fatherless” child. I had been deceived for all of my life by family plus I no longer held the heritage I thought I did.

A bubble that I assumed mine and mine alone – the very blood that ran through my veins – that no one could take away from me, was burst and drained in an explosive williwaw. It it true that the sword of truth can have a double edge. Pulling it out is just as painful and draws as much blood and the first plunge.

Talk about being devastated — this one went deep and long. There were times when I had to pull off to the side of the road while driving just to compose myself and not cause an accident.

He hadn’t just “died” suddenly. He was murdered at the hand of my own loved ones. Somebody knew -and wouldn’t let me in on it. The pain of the deceit combined with the grieving of loss is heavy. Any alcoholic who has lived in an alcoholic home – with the typical deciets deceptions, lies and cover-ups that make Clinton’s Whitehouse look like a Monestary, will know that level of pain under various circumstances. Certainly anyone who has lost a loved to another’s hand surely will.

Why write about this? Who gives a shit besides me, my kids and wife? (who would at least like to know for medical history purposes as well as knowing what THEIR heritage and that of their OWN will be) — probably no one.

The situation does however allow a look at a part of human nature with which all of us are familiar.

The holding of lies as truth and then learning the truth about the falsehood. It can be an ego deflating proposition. The first time I remember experiencing this was the inconsolable moments I spent after learning there was no Santa Clause. I did not care about the jolly fat bastard – - what bothered me was that I had been deceived by those who I depended upon for honestly and protection. And I felt the fool as well.

This can be personal humiliation that embarrasses but also pains – and for a real alcoholic like I am always requires inventory. ALWAYS.

But what about people who have spent years and years participating in a fellowship created solely for alcoholics – calling themselves “ALCOHOLICS” and yet in truth have absolutely no valid basis for the label?

How do they react when faced with the idea that after all, they may NOT be really alcoholic – that they actually do have and have demonstrated well that they HAVE POWER over alcohol without AA – without a “Higher Power” and without a spiritual awakening- maybe by putting the “Plug in the jug” or “Keeping it green” or ” Just don’t drink no matter what”?

It is no wonder the Big Book is the most absent item in meetings. It teaches us what alcoholism is and what it isn’t. There are just too many of us who cannot withstand the exposure that such knowledge would bring. “Memberships” and egos would never survive it.

We all know what “Group Conscience” – but many groups that I have visited around the country and world would have a “Group Conniption” if they ran out of coffee – but they don’t worry much about running out of Big Books do they? Even if they have one on display it’s often one of few in possession and always seems to be available. The real solution to real alcoholism doesn’t get sold – as long as we “Keep Coming Back”, right?

Well, “I’ve kept coming back for a few years now, and aside from your boring discussions I can’t help but notice that you STILL have the same Big Book up on that table there guys”.

What’s up with that?

When I learned the truth about my “dad” or whoever that “guy” was who now wants nothing to do with me – for forty years, the truth is that he’s not my “dad” and it always has been the truth – whatever I might have believed. But I had a Programmed method of turning on a new God consciousness and a relationship with Him that brought me through it. It is called practicing these principles in all of my affairs.

If I hadn’t, then I would probably either still be carrying around that resentment, bedeviled and miserable and maybe even denying the truth to my own “self“

People have been known to do that. It is a mental instability but not all that uncommon.

Have you ever heard of “cognitive dissonance”*?

It is very prevalent in AA meetings by non-alcoholics. I will probably write about it one day soon.

Peace,

Danny S

*cognitive dissonance

NOUN:
Psychology
A condition of conflict or anxiety resulting from inconsistency between one’s beliefs and one’s actions, such as opposing the slaughter of animals and eating meat.

How’s Your Mojo?

“We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.”(67:2)

They were WILLING. HMMM. By the time I had been well into my written inventory there was a very noticeable change in my attitude toward the damaged goods in my “store”.

Not only could I taste the freedom having these objectionable items cast out, but I was actually chomping at the bit to admit my faults to another human being AND to set the matter straight – something I never could have imagined by simply reading the steps “off the wall”, perusing the Twelve & Twelve or even just reading the Big Book in so called “step meetings”.

The mojo to perform certain steps seems to come from the performance of other certain steps – not the repetitive reading or discussion of them. Taken out of order or performed half-assed just doesn’t “cut it” the way being thorough and complete does.

As my friend Cliff B says, “It’s too simple for smart folks”.

As another example, let’s take “Amends”. How many of us are still living day by day with unfinished amends? And how many of those are strutting around the Fellowship telling us “I have taken the steps”? They are lying.

This is why people to think they are going do this deal piecemeal or cafeteria style never really make it. They never get the whole package as experienced by those who stick to the process as laid out in the book.

They may receive some benefit here and there – maybe even convince themselves in good conscience that they are “Twelve Stepping” AAs – or have “taken the steps” – even with such limited experience they may be able to recall. But they do not get the whole recovery experience.

I believe that they are selling themselves short.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

How’s Your Mojo?

“We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.”(67:2)

They were WILLING. HMMM. By the time I had been well into my written inventory there was a very noticeable change in my attitude toward the damaged goods in my “store”.

Not only could I taste the freedom having these objectionable items cast out, but I was actually chomping at the bit to admit my faults to another human being AND to set the matter straight – something I never could have imagined by simply reading the steps “off the wall”, perusing the Twelve & Twelve or even just reading the Big Book in so called “step meetings”.

The mojo to perform certain steps seems to come from the performance of other certain steps – not the repetitive reading or discussion of them. Taken out of order or performed half-assed just doesn’t “cut it” the way being thorough and complete does.

As my friend Cliff B says, “It’s too simple for smart folks”.

As another example, let’s take “Amends”. How many of us are still living day by day with unfinished amends? And how many of those are strutting around the Fellowship telling us “I have taken the steps”? They are lying.

This is why people to think they are going do this deal piecemeal or cafeteria style never really make it. They never get the whole package as experienced by those who stick to the process as laid out in the book.

They may receive some benefit here and there – maybe even convince themselves in good conscience that they are “Twelve Stepping” AAs – or have “taken the steps” – even with such limited experience they may be able to recall. But they do not get the whole recovery experience.

I believe that they are selling themselves short.

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

How Rigorous is Rigorous? (Honesty)

One of the benefits of recovering, is having been a complete liar in my old life – then literally overnight – NOT.

No twenty years into the forest and twenty years back to get out! The God of my understanding isn’t that freakin‘ cruel. He performs MIRACLES and recovery IS A MIRACLE. It is instantaneous and it is not torturous nor does it take long.

Today I don’t not tell big lies. I don’t even tell little white ones. it’s just not in my nature anymore. Can’t do it – just doesn’t occur to me much.

There have been times when I have slipped in this area – but it has ALWAYS resulted in an immediate (And usually embarassing) correction – on the spot or as soon as I make amends the following day. (We list our amends the night before, in case you werent aware of how step Step Eleven works)

I know that may seem incredible to you – imagine how incredible it seems to me, someone who not only experiences it, but knows what I was like before.

While there may be one, I am not aware of any AA definition of honesty. But I know it when I do it. What I find in my observations of people in general (including AAs) is that honesty – applied and practiced by each individual – is very subjective.

We all seem to have a line we do not cross and the location of the line we scribe in the sand is a very subjective thing.

For example, there are people in my family who think I am crazy for paying for cable TV service.

They view having a little black box that steals cable service as not that big a deal. What’s a little cable PIRACY now and then, right? Well, for me and my being of maximum service to God and my fellows, it is a big deal.

There are people also who think that piracy of computer software is not dishonest – so they do it. Perhaps these same folks would never steal a nickel from another human being, but the line they draw is obviously in a different place than someone who would never use unregistered software.

There are AAs I know who say they a rigorously honest, and “Work the Program”. Yet I have not yet ever been approached by any AA for a ninth step amends. I have only ONCE ever been paid back monies I have loaned (“given” – really ) to AAs. (Isn’t that amazing?)

There are people who take pens home from work. There are other people who would never do that. So it is all subjective. But subjective does not make veering off the road of complete honesty right. Does it?

In AA, rather than having any dictum on a word like honesty, we do instead have a principle of faith. The principle is; we must have it.

In my own life there are temptations to be dishonest. But are not these really temptations to give in to to fear. Fear of not getting what I want. Lack of faith that God will provide?

I submit to you that the dilemma is not really honesty vs. dishonesty but like all of us, a conflict of faith vs. fear – fear that you wont get the job if you are 100% honest – self centered fear. (What I want – When I want it.)

Each time I find myself in one of these little moments of truth, when I have made the decision to be honest instead of manipulative, the result has been Gods will, and not my will. Dishonesty, no matter how small, is always a result of my fears and me trying to play God once again by manipulating the outcomes of situations. Most of these little moments of truth are these milliseconds of time, only between me and God.

I have had to fill out applications, were I could have lied and gotten what I wanted. But there I am, having obtained the object of my desire, when maybe honesty would have precluded me obtaining it. But how do I know that had I been 100% honest; that by being denied my objective – that I may be denying myself a BETTER objective had I been 100% honest. And if not better (in my limited view) better in God’s panoramic view.

If God wanted me to be a traffic cop for (Some unseen reason – in His plan) and I lie on a test and become a higher salaried detective. I may think I have successfully challenged fate and won. But have I really – if I have subverted Gods plan?

If you had told me that a few years ago that I would make a good living as a sober writer living on Cape Cod, sitting by my pool authoring books, newspaper articles and racing Homing Pigeons and playing guitar, I would thought you were nuts! It is just not me. “I am a stockbroker, a captain of industry, an Investment Banker on Wall Street.” I would have said.

Yet now I am a writer, I have an adoring wonderful family, and I have NEVER been happier with my life than I am now. (And SO glad I do not work on Wall Street anymore.) And it is all because of letting go and letting God. I would NOT have come up with this on my own.

God has done and IS PROVIDING a life for me that is FAR SUPERIOR than anything I could ever come up with for myself. “Myself” would have continued to manipulate and white-lie through life to get MY will done.

Like it says on the backs of the AA medallions: To Thy Own Self Be True” and my I include in that:” To God be True”

Peace,

Danny S

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com

Mamaluke! Have You Done Your Chores Today?

Hey! What do you gotta do?

Let me tell you something. For years going to AA meetings was a chore for me. It was one of the thing I “HAD TO DO” like putting down the toilet seat in my house, taking out the trash, shaving, shopping, going to work, making sangweeches for my kids lunch. If I didn’t do any of these things then my life became unmanageable. (If you are married then you’ll agree with ALL of these.)

My fellowship goombas told me that “Lot’s of meetings” was one of the things I had to do to stay sober – for if I did not remain sober I could not enjoy life much. There was even the pressure of being clocked by others in meetings and by implied sober seniority “rules”

But when this “Design for living” (15:2 – 28:2 – 81:3) called “the Twelve Steps” actually becomes the LIVING part of our existence, then it’s all just one big ball of happiness, joy and wonderful, new freedom!!

When life becomes “Something I do in-between meetings” separating the AA Program from life – then both life AND meetings become chores. Why anyone would think that’s a good way to live – I just don’t know.

And that’s your DIRTY LITTLE AA SECRET! I know – don’t bullshit me pal! You are BORED in AA MEETINGS. They make you stoonad – you know it’s true.

So here’s the solution! I swear it is!

I get most of my guys right now from meetings – not all – but most. I get there early – I stay late. I circulate. I advertise. Prospecting IS promotion AND attraction. I leave the old misquoted sound byte for Tradition Eleven (Attraction not promotion) where it originates and belongs. (See: Can I Come Over?)

I let people know I am an active sponsor and always available. I hand out my little prospecting cards which tell folks I am available for work. I keep my eye out on the crowd and pretty much try not to groan out loud listening to the speaker. HA!

Yes, Joe and Jane middle-of-the-road solutions based AAers – you AND your sad-sack drunkologue is one big fucking bore to real alcoholics! They may excite non-alcoholics like those who thought James Frey’s story was “inspiring” – but not real McCoys. (see: Boring)

Sometime people come to meetings specifically looking for me. Sometimes I have to chase them down a bit. Someone like Cliff B may have to yell at me and tell me to get my ass down to the local Sally if find myself in a dry spell. And hurtin’

But I am always “WITH CHILD” when it comes to drunks with whom to work. THANK GOD!

AA as a Fellowship is not boring when I am using it as it was designed – as a society and supportive means of upholding our PRIMARY PURPOSE.

And if you are unable to do this, because you don’t work with others, or aren’t’ qualified to sponsor others because you haven’t recovered – then what the hell are you doing in AA meetings anyway? Drinking our coffee? Trying to screw our gals? Searching for a Goumada? Pleasing the spouse, the hardon with a suitcase, the boss or the courts?

Fine –then suffer!

As life throws its curves and bumps in front of me, there is no longer the urge to “Get to a meeting” to settle myself. I no longer get “Squirreley” if I miss a few days, or even a week of meetings. As far as I know, no one regularly characterizes me as a “serene” man. But certainly I do KNOW serenity, which is one of the hundreds of promises made to me by the authors or the Big Book provided I take other simple steps. (And in the case of “knowing serenity” – made my amends.)

If the lack of a meeting began to once again affect my serenity then I’d have to take a real serious look at my spiritual condition. Being dependent upon meetings to keep my head on straight doesn’t sound like very much freedom to me.

The joy in carrying our Primary Purpose into the Home group is the CURE for all meeting malaise. It works. I assure you. You won’t be watching the clock. You wont’ be staring at the pink thong sticking out of the jeans in the folding chair in front of you. (Well, maybe someday – after you walk on water), and you wont be making the mad dash through the parking lot to get to your car so you don’t miss The Sopranos. You may actually be useful!

Going to meetings to stay sober or so you don’t get mooshadda for another freakin‘ day is totally stoonad. It SUCKS EGGS! Going to meetings to be useful and to find another alcoholic to bring to God is a wonderful existence full of purpose and joy – not a chore.

Peace,

Danny S

Click on "START"

What do you do after clicking the “Start” button?

You begin clicking through some more – going through your Programs – getting work done. Right? You wouldn’t pay $1,000 for a Start Button that didn’t take you further than that – would you?

But if you don’t click beyond “Start” – nothing more happens – except that you’ve STARTED. All you get is an expanded menu of possibilities (Suggestions?)

When this whole business about “Higher Power” and “Power greater than ourselves” is discussed by the co-authors of “Alcoholics Anonymous” – does anyone find it as interesting and as pertinent as I do that these concepts are prefaced and qualified with other expressions like “In the beginning” and “To make a start”?

Once we go beyond Step Two – these concepts are completely dropped and the power always comes from God. It’s a God of our own understanding – that makes sense to us – but God all the same.

Many of us who chose NOT to participate in the full Program portion – the Twelve Steps – never get beyond the “Start” or the “Beginning” – and we all know what happens to real alcoholics who fail to get beyond the beginning – they drink.

To WIT: Jim the salesman, Fred the Accountant, me, (I did) maybe you too, and don’t forget those with whom we work with daily who balk – perhaps on amends, meditation, prayer, inventories and sponsoring.

It is common for example to hear folks say “I’ve taken the steps” – but what they do not say is that they HAVE NOT completed their amends and/or don’t take others through them. (I know. . . I know . . . we have ALL been told that it’s OK to take YEARS to finish amends. Tell that to the guy who just called me last week after a three month tear – who just took that advice he heard in “the rooms”)

Many I’ve seen and with whom I’ve worked – drink eventually on unfinished amends. Even worse – until till they complete amends, present conflicting pictures of recovery with their own life as an example. They are often still experiencing the emotional and spiritual difficulties associated with untreated alcoholism. All the while telling the newcomer “I’ve done it” flashing sobriety dates as the proof!

I notice this to be particularly the case with folks who seek out alternative heavily “Buffered” methods of “Step taking” like AWOL. The AA Program, unadulterated, is just too tall an order and they cannot go through with it.

You’ll see this when people qualify their “program” by mentioning their sober time – usually under the guise of giving hope to the newcomer. I know that when I want to give hope the newcomer it’s telling him how I recovered and I bring him to my home to see how I live – NOT try to impress them with how much time I’ve got. There are WAY too many non-alcoholic hard drinkers with whom the real alcoholic newcomer DOES NOT IDENTIFY – playing THAT card, diluting any positive effect that may have.

The old “If I can do it – so can you” idea is just plain ineffective. It’s like, “SO WHAT?” “My sister hasn’t had a drink in that long either — and she’s a freakin‘ mess! But if that’s all you know, I suppose that’s all you have to offer – a “Good word” is a hell of a lot easier than “Good work”.

Does anyone REALLY THINK that some poor slob about to pull that steering wheel and shoot into the parking lot of the liquor store is going to suddenly get stricken sober and get a boost of sudden WILLPOWER with the thought, “Wait a minute, old Pete has 30 years – I can do it too,” -and then steer straight past that store?

If they do – then they DON’T understand alcoholism.

Yeah, I guess they do think that. PHULEEZE! Hard drinkers might be capable of such a thing – but I don’t identify with them at ALL!

I am sure most of us remember the from Paul Simon album title, “Still Crazy After All These Years.”

It ain’t pretty. (Down-right ugly!)

Peace,

Danny S

Step Nine: "Go To Jail"?

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. (AP) – A man who sexually assaulted a University of Virginia student in 1984 and apologized to her two decades later as part of the Alcoholics Anonymous program was sentenced to 18 months in prison Thursday.(Please read the rest here)

Here’s what we don’t know:

• Did he pray on this – asking for God’s help – and await guidance?
• Did he first go over it with his sponsor or consult with others on the matter?
• Did he even have a sponsor to guide him?

I doubt if an experienced sponsor would have allowed him to admit a criminal offense in writing (email) – which would pretty much put the cinch on the old crime and make him criminally actionable.

• Was the amends a genuine attempt and offer to straighten out the past – or was it a mere apology, as the story seems toi indicate – possibly further infuriating the woman’s psyche with such indignity.

Did he do all of these things to ensure that the amends was indicated? Odds are – NOT!

He should have. Although these are not ALL that should be done before making an amends they certainly would have been the least of what is indicated for anyone following the instructions in the the Big Book.

But if he did take all of these Step Nine actions – and the result was criminal conviction – WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH AA? What has that got to do with making amends? It has SQUAT to do with it.

He raped her and further assaulted her by sticking an “Object” into her . . . He did some stuff to this girl that I wouldn’t dream of doing to my own WIFE!

He knows it. Admitted it – and now he must pay the piper because he violated the law of the land. NOT the LAW OF AA! Boo Hoo!

But then again – he’s “Not a saint” – Right? “It’s progress not perfection!” Right? He did this step it “To the best of his ability”

Puhleeze!

(And admitting rape in writing to the founder of a womans rape-victim foundation was not all too bright either.)

I’d like to meet his sponsor if he has one! Wouldn’t you? If he has one. Hey maybe the guy expected relief from his own guilt and and, as the judge observed, was just apologizing because he selfishly wanted that relief – and as we know ninety percent of the time, when making amends, the unexpected happens. (78:2)

Maybe he expected to get away with it. Just Karma?

Peace,

Danny S

Was Doctor Bob Lying?

This is a rerun of a previous article dating back May 3, 2006.
Poor Doctor Bob must do a double spin in his coffin every time someone in meeting justifies not recovering because they think Bob “white knuckled” his sobriety for two and a half years – AFTER he had completed the steps and began carrying this message.

I know how confused non-alkies get over words like “Crave” – “Obsess” – “Desire”, even “Insanity”. Man, it’s a good thing their lives don’t depend upon understanding how we use those words.

I am constantly amazed how many people in the Fellowship don’t know that alcoholics can’t physically crave alcohol until they have already taken the first drink – never before.

Of course, Bob would have HAD to drink alcohol in order to crave alcohol– by “Our description of the alcoholic which clarifies our understanding of the word “Crave“.

Historical facts tell us that Bob’s last drink was on June 10, 1935 – in the hospital parking lot with Bill W - the same day he completed his amends. It would be IMPOSSIBLE for Bob to crave alcohol AFTER THAT DAY!

Alcoholics don’t PHYSICALLY CRAVE ALCOHOL IF THEY DON’T DRINK ALCOHOL! Bob didn’t drink alcohol after his last drink.

Get it? Good!

Now stop the word play, and Big Book cherry picking, STOP telling newcomers that it’s OK to NOT have the obsession removed via a spiritual awakening – will ya. It’s NOT ok!

Peace,

Danny S