A Life Unmanageable

From Cradle To Grave?

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.”

They did, that eh? They admitted those things. According to the 1938 Encyclopedic Edition of The Winston Simplified Dictionary the word “unmanageable” means, “Not easily conducted or controlled. Disobedient; not subject to guidance.”

OK yes, we get to a place where we know that our drinking has become unmanageable. We get it and that getting it is a major concession. It means that the spirit decimating experience – that severe case of desperation founded upon a realization that a vicious cycle of obsession and craving is unimaginably dire and fatal. “WE GET IT”. It’s is a realization that is so nauseating that we gag on our own spittle trying to swallow the grossness of what has become our lives. It’s hardens like a knot – it sits in our belly and relief seems a hopelessness cause just gnawing at our once free — now crippled soul. A bullet in the back of the head can seem a viable way out. Many of us make the decision to take that trip.

Whoever came up with the idea that “Misery is optional” for alcoholics did not know much about what it is like to be inflicted with the malady for real.

For the real a alcoholic who is intent upon recovering from it misery is not an option. It is a bloody requirement. Later it turns out to have been a blessing.

But man! That wasn’t enough, was it? Did they have to impugn my drinking and my entire life as well? To what depth must this deflation go? And so early in ‘recovery’ too?

Isn’t such a broad admission overstepping bounds? To some it is and would prefer to rewrite that step to ‘dis-include’ the word “lives’ and limit the “U-word” to alcohol. But they do not.

Let’s see just what the co-founders thought about their (our) “lives”, shall we? We can do that by looking to see other instances where they talked about our “lives”

Here it goes:

• “Now we try to put spiritual principles to work in every department of our lives. When we do that, we find it solves our problems too; the ensuing lack of fear, worry and hurt feelings is a wonderful thing.” (116:3)

• “They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.”(27:3)

• “When many hundreds of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith.” (51:0)

• “For faith in a Power greater than us, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.” (55:2)

• “We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.” (64:2)

• “We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully.” (65:2)

• “Notice that the word “fear” is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives.” (67:3)

• “Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods.” (72:2)

• “At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order.” (77:0)

• “In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives.” (The Doctor’s Opinion)

Clearly when the co-authors write about our “lives” they mean OUR LIVES~! Not any single limited aspect of our lives. Not just our drinking. After all drinking is not our problem it is merely a symptom of a more complete picture of depravity. If we go back over the above extracts and substitute the word “drinking” for “lives” – the statements do not work. So clearly when they talk of our lives being unmanageable they are saying,

According to The Winston Simplified Dictionary, 1938 our “lives” is the “period of time from birth to death”. Now when that has become unmanageable, and it does, we are in the deepest of deep doodo.
One look at the life of an alcoholic can abundantly illustrate that un-manageability handily. Of course all lives are un-manageable to some degree. It is the alcoholic who needs to admit it! Living without that admission might be the luxury of normal man and woman but if we are to recover we have to deflate and admit that we are nothing without God.

Not only do they propose that we could not manage our drinking, but we could not manage our LIVES either.

Our drinking has affected EVERYTHING about us. It isn’t about the substance – it is about us as human beings where we are becoming more and more inhuman. As alcoholism progresses in severity we devolve in our original humanness.

It is at a level that would elude the lenses of an electron microscope — something that is far beyond mitochondria analysis and DNA patterning — so deep and so viscerally spiritual that science need see that it is they, the Johnny-come-latelies or alcoholic recovery, need to take a back seat to the effort. They need to leave this recovery business to the real Pros. They need to leave it to the spiritual mystics whose practices can actually help the real alcoholic. Some of them are in AA.

Somewhere sitting in that church basement, maybe next to the guy who “don’t know how this works” yet incredibly just “knows that it does” or maybe right behind the disrespectful and ignorant “alcoholic ANDA addict” who can’t tell anyone Jack Shit about his own truth and isn’t interested in it either, let alone help a newcomer discover truth – but who is very happy to share with all who can sit through it what some arrogant Traditions scoffing sponsor told him that his boring ass junkologue was somehow alcoholic “experience strength and hope” – there just might also be real live recovered alcoholic.

He might not collar the new one during that meeting. He is probably too respectful of his Group’s time. But he’s watching.

He is sizing him up – wondering if he is serious about recovering from alcoholism – if his time with the newcomer will be helpful or if it might detract from helping someone else who does want what he has to offer. He might take a run at him after the meeting – right upstairs in the parking lot aiming for him like a heat seeking missile. He has been given the power to help others. Why not you? Uhm I mean ‘him’.

Peace and Love,

Danny S – RLRA
Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

Mark Houston – Rest In Peace